DESTINATION

CHILDHOOD

"Hands held together

No signs of pain from yesterday

Like kids, we didn't even bother

Because we have one another"

-101118

Time passes, yet we're still like kids the met each other for the first time. Talking about the things that we're into, places we've been, and everything in between. She's really easy to talk to, and she listens even when I go full nerd about movies and music that I like. She even watched and loved some of my suggestions. And the talking just went on and on and on. As days turned into weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years.

"Can you believe it? We've been together for almost three years now!" Her smile was so bright, as those words leave her mouth. I can feel the excitement she has in celebrating this day. She planned a simple date for us, which is rare. She's that go-with-the-flow kind of person, and for her to actually plan something is great, but at the same time concerning. She rarely asks me out or tell me where she wanted to go. It's like if it wasn't for her twitter account, I wouldn't even have the slightest clue of what she wants to do. This went on for three years, and it's just sad. It's always fingers on me in almost everything.

Some will probably tell me, that I should be happy or satisfied with our relationship. But they don't know anything like I do. I found out things throughout the years that she kept hidden in her box. She's like a kid with a candy that she doesn't want to share. And when I found out where she kept it, it wasn't just a candy. It was a whole pack of them. And just like a pack of wolves tearing into me. I kept most of the secrets in me. I always have a hard time in finding the perfect time to confront her with it, because every time I find out this kind of things, she stares into oblivion and speaks silence. But just like a kid, I forgive her no matter how deep the wounds are.

That very second she told me those words, I just stared at her smile, and smiled a crooked one back. I realized a lot of things, but all I can say was, "Yeah, it's amazing."

It's hard to hide the fact that it's far too different now than before. At the beginning, I was childish, screaming and having tantrums when I don't get what I want. Then, I grew up for her. I started thinking thoroughly before I speak. For the first time in my life, I am stable. And as time flies by, she showered me with different shades of colors, together with colors she kept in her box.

But I accepted it, because we're human. We make mistakes, but it's different when you continue doing the same ones for even smaller reasons. I tried to take it easy on her in helping her grow, but she hates it when I tell her things. She always thinks that I'm degrading her, even when all I'm trying to do is help her grow. Because what the hell is a long relationship, if you still face the same old shit ever since the beginning. I just really want to open her eyes, that we're not kids anymore. She's trying, I think. But she keeps going back on the same old excuses, and the wheels just drag as both back in the cycle.

I was holding her hand, and for some reason she let go as she continue in telling me a story. Most of the time she's like this, but at that very second, a bubble popped in my head.

This is not going to work if we keep running circles like kids.