DESTINATION

DRUNK

"Drunk in the middle of the bar

counting star after star

just to keep myself from calling you

and tell you, that I still love you"

-100418

"Tell me brother, what will you do when your source of toxicity is all gone?" He asked seriously, he seems worried.

"You pick a new one, maybe even more." I replied without even looking back at him. Instead, my eyes are all glued to my beer in my right hand, and the cigarette on my left. I took another shot, and a hit right after that and continued. "Nothing, not even anyone can beat her. No matter how many sticks I burn, alcohol I dive in to, it's still the taste of her love I'm craving for."

"I understand bro, you don't have to go poetic on me. We feel the same shit, it is hard being the good guys this time around."

I nodded in agreement, finished my bottle, and cracked another cold one for the two of us.

You know what they say, have fun and get wasted all night long, and regret it the day after. I've been drinking for a while now, but I'm still not a veteran that doesn't get any hangover after a wild night of cleansing. Others like my brother can just sleep this through for like fifteen straight hours and be alright. While I on the other hand, a one unlucky bastard. I woke up just four hours after I got wasted. I could barely move anything, a constant urge to puke, massive headache, and filled with regrets. To cap it all off, my brain is worst during times like this. To put into perspective, I'm like having a sleep paralysis, but in this case I'm willing to have a fat monster sit on my chest and just kill me.

After an hour of self-shaming and over thinking, I got up and spent a good half an hour puking. After the whole process is over, a thought suddenly popped in my mind. That girl is like alcohol. The more I drink her so-called love, the more I get dizzy and lose my shit. And then, after waking up I realized that she's not good for me. But damn, I love that girl still. Trying to bring her out of my system is like puking. Hard and painful, but soon enough I'll be okay. I don't even know what the hell I'm saying.

"Sensei, you have to deliver two poems today. They'll be expecting you in less than an hour."

"Okay Gin, fuck." Well at least I'm all over with my incredible thoughts, time to go and take a bath.

-

I reached the LRT station by 9 am. I may have taken a bath, but I can still feel the bed weather hugging me. I hopped on the train heading to United Nations with the Begin Again playlist with me. A step you can take back plays as I take a look at the cards that I'm going to deliver today. Most of the time, I deliver them face to face whenever it's just around manila. So I could have some time outside and get my mind off of things. The first card has a cover of two plants at the edge of the cliff, watching as the sun sets. The other one is a drawing of a man and a woman made of puzzle pieces. I looked at the poems that I wrote, and basically some cheesy shit that pisses me off. Well, at least these will make others happy. What I hate about my writings these days is that most of them are just revisions of some lines I wrote for my girl back then. My girl, wow. She's gone L, get over it.

I put the cards back in my string bag and faded to oblivion in the middle of this lonely train, still drunk, and still seeing shadows of her along the way, no matter how hard I try to Begin Again.