DESTINATION

BRACE

"waiting for the end

for nothing can mend

the ashes to be a bridge again

and I may never be a king again"

- 101418

I could barely remember what day it is, what happened before that lead me to this. I can hear the loud music playing at the back, something that I used to know but I could barely follow the lyrics. I'm drifting here and there, as the clearest thing that I can see are the blurred lights in front of me.

"Hey, hey!"

"What?!" I even forgot that I was with someone. Based on what I can see, the voice came from my brother, who's all a shadow figure in my vision.

"Go home, you're fucking drunk."He's right, I really am. I probably have been embarrassing myself ever since I went to this place.

I didn't answer and he decided to remain as quiet as I was, unlike the people around us. I can hear a couple of laughs and stories from the people around us, but they're just mumbles to my ears. It's probably three in the morning. I don't know. I could barely sit up straight. My head is basically trying not to go as low as a 45 degree angle. My vision is doubling as seconds pass by, it's like seeing people and things interact with their souls, if they even have one.

It took me a while to figure out where I'm at. We're inside the bar a few blocks from our house and we are inside to where the videoke is. I remained silent for a couple of minutes, as I patiently wait for my vision to stop seeing souls and demons go out of everything. I catch my brother giving a glimpse every now and then. He's probably worried about me, or he's just irritated that he has to take care of his drunk little brother.

I decided to stand up after I manage to feel a bit better than I was.

"Hey, I'm just going to smoke outside." I told my brother as I grab my pack of cigarettes on the table.

"I'll be right after, just don't go anywhere."

I'm not really a fan of ktv bars or any bar that I have been at all. I only go to such places when my friends, cousins, or brother ask me to come along. I'm also not a heavy drinker and I just don't feel comfortable in loud places. I feel that these places are more silent than silence itself.

We sing these songs as we dive deeper in liquor. But once it hits you, the music starts to fade, and for some reason, I can feel the melancholy surrounding everybody.

I forgot my headphones inside. I'm not used to smoking a cigarette without playing a single song from my burn playlist. But I really needed an energy stick right away to bring me back to reality, a reality that I want to stay away from.

A few seconds later, my brother joined me outside and we started smoking.

"Take it easy, okay?" It was a weird line of worry coming out of my brother's mouth, but I felt the sincerity dancing with it.

"Yes, I'm really sorry. I just-"

"I understand. Do you still remember why we're here right?"

And with that, I got back to the reality that I've been trying to forget. My brother also had his relationship ended, just a few days after mine did. And to think of it, he's handling it better than I do.

"We feel the same way. We left them, not because we don't love them anymore, but because they didn't choose us when we were right there beside them all along." He added.

"I just can't understand it. I know I made the right decision, but I feel a huge amount of guilt tearing me apart. It's hard that I've done nothing wrong for that to even happen."

"Yeah, we didn't cheat, we gave it all. And we damn sure forgot about ourselves. It wasn't our fault or maybe in a way we have a say to what happened. We just don't know it yet."

"Maybe you're right. While we're getting drunk out here to numb ourselves, I still wonder what she's up to. Is she okay? Did she eat on time, and all that other shit that worries me."

"I know lil bro. There are even times that I really want to call her, ask if she's doing okay. But hey, we're not in that position anymore. They did not choose us on days that should've been our fight."

"And that frustrates me, because I gave my all and I know that I don't deserve all these shit. I want to be angry, but I just can't. For up to this day, I still love her."

"I feel the same way, but it ended and happened for a reason. That's life. We have no other choice but to move forward and start over again."

"That's the hard part, starting over again on your own."