Billie Eilish Fanfic - Bully.

Secret.

I had decided not to tell Rachel that I was going to Billie's because whatever she was going to say to me...about how dumb this decision was...was going to be right. I was stupid as fuck for even acknowledging her after she fucked with my head like this.

I walked outside about 20 minutes after the bell rang, taking my time, aware that Billie was always late. When I walked out the back entrance Billie stood there leaned against a wall,

"Where were you? I thought you didn't wait for me..." she said as she ruffled her hair.

"You're just always late," I said flatly.

"Not for this," she whispered and looked around, we were alone. She kissed my cheek, "I missed you."

Tell me why I just fell for that trap...she could say one sappy thing like that and I was right back where she wanted me, head over heels in love with someone that just made out with someone else. Wtf.

She guided me to her car, opening the car door for me. She drove me to her house, I walked in and waved at Howard,

"Hey Howard!"

"Hi Miss Cleo! How are you today?"

"Good! I wish we didn't have school again...but you can't have everything I guess!"

He laughed along with me and Billie pulled on my arm like before, eager to get me into her room.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, her lips crashed onto mine. I let them stay there for a few minutes as our tongues entered each others mouths and Billie held onto my waist the way I had thought about her doing all night.

I pulled away and looked at her, she looked back at me with a concerned expression,

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked.

I nodded, "Josh Slayton."

She sighed and rolled her eyes, she knew she was wrong.

"Let's talk about this. Sit on my lap?"

I sat on her lap and wrapped my legs around her, excited to hear an apology. I did want to be with her, I just wanted her to act right.

"I did that with josh because...I don't know. I don't want to be gay. I think I am. And it scares me. You scare me. We scare me. I want you but I'm not ready to be out yet. Does that make sense? I get paranoid that people like...know...when they have no way of knowing because I'm so closeted. Do you get that?"

I tried to get it but it was hard. I guess it was the same as me being closeted. Only Rachel knew I liked girls. I barely even knew.

I nodded slowly,

"We don't have to tell anyone but please don't do that to me again. I can't handle it again. I want to have your lips to myself."

She smiled and pecked my lips,

"I'm sorry I did that. I want you to be my like..secret girlfriend. I like you more than a friend likes someone."

I blushed, "I want to be your secret girlfriend."

And then we started making out again, it was more intense this time. Billie pulled my shirt over my head and pants off of my body, rubbing the skin on the small of my back, matching the rhythm of our tongues. I melted when she touched me.

Billie pulled away and kissed my nose,

"Tell me what you're comfortable with, I don't want to push you into something that's too far for you. I know you haven't had anyone like...touch you yet."

I bit my bottom lip,

"You can touch me...just go slow. No sex yet okay?" She smiled at my response and leaned towards me, kissing me deeper. I felt her palm cup one of my boobs and I bit my lip. I liked her touch. Billie could be so rough but when she touched me like this she was a whole different person.

She reached behind me as we continued to make out and grabbed the clasp on my bra,

"Is it okay if we take this off?" She asked.

I nodded and she popped the clasp apart and dropped the bra to the floor. She stared at my chest and grinned,

"Okay lay back on the bed baby. You'll like how this feels," I obeyed and laid back topless.

Billie kissed up my abdomen softly, licking or giving me light bites every so often. Then she cupped both of my bare boobs with her hands and gave a soft squeeze, proceeding to play with my nipples. I felt them harden and blushed, looking down at her as she looked up at me.

"Do you like when I do that?"

"Yeah-yes. I like it," she giggled at me stammering my words nervously.

"Wait til you feel this," she put her mouth on my nipple and circled it with her tongue. I felt myself getting wet and let out a quiet moan. She grinned at me as she looked up with my nipple in between her teeth. She moved her mouth up my neck, kissing her way there, and got beside my ear,

"I want to make you moan like that all the time. Just say the word."

And just like that...I knew I was gay.