[Watery Oblivion]

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Every single morning, for two weeks, the same thing happened. I would have nightmares, wake up, run straight to the bathroom and vomit black stuff.

I still haven't told Charlie or Bella. Not that she would really take it in. Since Jacob has had to spend most of his time hunting Victoria, she has slipped back in to her comatose state. It's difficult to see, but I don't have the time to really sit with her.

The pain hasn't worn off from the vomiting. I still sweat, and feel like my nerves are being attacked. I'm at the point where I am seriously considering going to the hospital.

But if something is wrong, I don't have the money to pay for whatever fixes it. And I will not take money from Charlie.

Today, it was the same thing. I woke up with a start, vomited black, had sweat running off my face, and pain erupting all over me.

It's a bit later in the day now, and I have to go for a walk. I've been in the house for days and I'll go insane if I have to stay in any longer.

Bella left a few minutes ago, but I'm not sure where she went.

I grab my jacket, lock the door, and hop in my car. No matter what has happened, seeing or being in this thing will make me smile.

The sky is grey, obviously, but it isn't raining. I'm glad for that as I drive. Although I don't feel sure of where I'm going, I seem to be driving somewhere.

I wince as I hit a bump, jostling my body and sending another jolt of pain through it. Whatever the hell has caused this, it's not funny. The pain is like fire licking my skin.

If it's a person who had done this, and I find out who, my fist will be meeting their face. And we already know that isn't a weak threat.

The trees of the reservation appear, and I realise why I'm here. The air is so cool, and I've always harboured a love for the sea.

Mainly because it's so fierce, and free. Not a single thing on Earth would dare start a fight with the Ocean. Because its an untamable force.

I get out, vaguely hoping I don't run into Adrian, and start walking. Once again, I'm not sure where my legs are taking me but they seem to know.

So I focus on the area. It's almost entirely evergreens, and the trees have incredibly dark trunks. The contrast is lovely, and with the Ocean's roar behind it I feel like I'm in a different world.

My mind wanders, and for whatever reason I end up thinking about Johnny. His death was so sudden, and quite brutal. I'm not sure if I've really processed it.

Then again, when have I been the poster girl for acknowledging emotions?

In some way, I suppose I am responsible for how he died. If Marco hadn't wanted me to do something for him, he would never have targeted Johnny. My past with him gave him the perfect excuse.

Am I a bad person for not feeling sorry for him? Or is that a normal feeling?

There have been times it's crept into my head--the absolute horror of what they did to him. But others, it doesn't register.

It's a side effect of my boxing career. Caring about someone's injuries makes it difficult to win a match when you're preoccupied with not hurting them. And it wasn't the first time I had seen a person's face in that state.

Not to mention Johnny never gave me a reason to care. But that's still not completely fair. He was still young. He could have changed, had a life.

But its all done now. The past can't be changed. Not to say it isn't important, that is utterly wrong. The last is the most important thing in our world. But I cannot change what happened to him, so I won't try and think of all the ways I could have at the time.

A twig snaps beneath my feet, and I come back to reality. The forest is oddly quiet again. No birds, no insects. Most of the time there is crickets if nothing else.

But a distant howl gives me an explanation and I question the wisdom of walking alone in the woods. With the wolves working this hard to keep Bella and I safe it's a little inconsiderate to wander around.

Oh, damn. Bella. She's out here too. I just know. I'll find her, then we can head home. Maybe then I can finally talk to her properly.

Unfortunately, the reservation is a big place. Bella could be anywhere. Not to mention my body has chosen this exact moment to pump up the pain game.

"For fuck sake!" I hiss, leaning on a tree as my legs threaten to buckle beneath me.

Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. Ignore it, push past it. It isn't even there. Breathe...

Gritting my teeth, I stand up straight and walk forward, breathing through my nose to keep from swearing again. It's a bad habit.

Again, it's like my body knows where it's supposed to go. I take a direct path through the forest, and find a bright light piercing through the trees from the direction of the Oceans roar.

A strong wave of deja vu nearly knocks me off my feet as I step onto crumbly rocks. It takes a moment for me to figure out why it's so familiar.

The cliff edge is jagged and rough, leading to a drop of about forty feet straight into the icy water below.

The waves are wild today, huge, and crash into the rocks with enough force to shatter them. I feel sorry for the fish. It must be awful for them. I imagine it feeling like a really, really bad hangover, except you're drowning.

A sharp wind blows in my face, stinging my skin and bringing my mind into focus. Everything is clear out here, even when it's almost like just me, the sea and the sky.

Living on the Ocean must be amazing. And incredibly free. Putting your life on the line every second, and having nothing to trust but your skill and the mercy of Mother Nature.

Lost in my thoughts, my eyes drift around, taking everything in. They find Bella standing on a cliff not far from me.

I smile and head over, thinking that we can finally go home. Now that I think about it, I'm quite hungry.

Bella doesn't hear me. I've always had quiet footsteps, and the ocean is too loud anyway. I'm surprised I can hear my own thoughts.

I reach the trees behind her and open my mouth to call her name. But I freeze when she begins to take off her jacket.

Frowning in confusion, I step forward a little, still not catching her attention. She's looking at the ground, or into the water.

A strange feeling overtakes me, and a surge of adrenaline pours into my bloodstream.

"You wanted me to be human," Bella says, barely loud enough for me to hear. "So watch me."

I see what she's going to do before she moves, and when she does, I don't hesitate. My feet are moving before my mind registers anything.

She disappears over the cliff, and I find myself there too. Without thought or pause, I jump after her. 

Fear squeezes my insides tight from fright, and the realisation that hits me hard, the roar of the waves getting louder in my ears as I stare into the depths of a watery oblivion.

I can't swim.

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A/N.

Hey, guys! Once again, sorry for the long wait. :( please don't hate me.

And sorry if this seems rushed. I just really wanted to get something up, and I'm a little sleep deprived as it's late.

Pretty sure I have sprained my thumbs from how fast I've been typing. XD

Really hope you enjoy, and updates should be more regular, and generally better quality now I know exactly what is happening :D

R.A. <3

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