Fuselage

☆~☆ Chapter 9 ☆~☆

It was late. Too late for him to still be up. But it bothered him, he couldn't help it.

"It's stupid." Katsuki hissed at the video, the smirk of his mother failed to be hidden behind her hand. "Why am I upset about this?"

"It's you, Shithead." She sighed, smile on full display. "You're being upstaged by a newcomer. Of course it's getting to you. You were the new guy, the apple of everyone's eye and now this new kid...?"

"Eijirou." He sunk further into his couch.

"Eijirou." She picked up her cup and saluted the camera. "Anyway, has returned and you aren't everyone's shining star anymore." She took a drink from her sake, reclining. "Of course it's going to bother you. You've always been competitive, you've always craved attention - even if you've gone about seeking it in a more negative manner. Squeaky wheel gets the oil and all." Her hand waved, as though this was old hat.

"Yeah..." He rubbed the back of his neck, "I suppose that's true." A sigh, "Still, I didn't think I'd... miss the noise. It was..." Filling.

He looked around his empty house, so small and somehow so big without three particular bodies crowding into the square footage. All the ghosts that had retreated to the cracks in the corners when they were around sprawled across cold wooden floors and wide grey paint without them. Even his normally comforting open windows were invitations for old demons to come tapping.

Katsuki, Katsuki. We're waiting. Come and join us. Come and join Jin. He's waiting. We're waiting. It's all your fault. He's waiting. Jin's waiting.

Moldy fingers tapped on glass. Hollow, fogged over eyes peered in through the darkness. The gurgled, water logged groans morphed into lusty moans and heavy breaths. Whispered names.

'Ei, please?'

'Before you leave.'

'Don't you want me?'

"Katsuki, you'll be okay." Mitsuki's voice broke through the obvious panic attack building in his veins. "Remember to breathe. Put on some music. You can survive one more night. That's all you need to do. Survive one more night. In the morning we can start over, but we don't have to worry about that until it happens."

"Right. Rightrightright." Hands tangled in his mess of hair, sticking up in odd angles from sweat and dirt and his own fists bunching in it. "Can I talk to Dad?" He couldn't focus on the screen. Or windows. Or floor. Dad.

Those deep ocher eyes widened, cup perched on the table delicately. "It's that bad right now?"

A soft nod, imperceptible but for the dip of hairline in the shadows of the kitchen lights.

"Okay. I want you to breathe while I'm gone Katsuki. In, in, out. One. In, in, out. Two."

Vaguely he registered when his mother stood to go fetch his father as opposed to screeching for him as she normally would have.

In, in, out. Three.

His chest rose and fell rhythmically, the thoughts kept at bay by the hypnotic pattern and sounds.

In, in, out. Four.

As long as he focused the darkness swimming just inside his head wouldn't take over, couldn't take over. He'd been doing this exercise long enough. He was stronger now, he could beat it back. He could-

"Please, Ei." The feminine voice whined, deep blue eyes misty with desire and lust gazed up from a pillow of honey blonde hair.

"Oh God!" Katsuki stood swiftly, pacing at an erratic gait. His chest rose and fell in a rapid staccato, sweat built just below his shirt, his hair rose as a chill swept over him, goosebumps flooded just below the surface. His vision couldn't focus on anyone thing and guilt swelled and the anxiety took hold in that one kink in his armor; the one fault, the weakness.