Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter Twenty-nine

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Alex scanned the blondes notes once again, examining the consistent weight gain over the past three weeks. Luke was definitely at the lower end of a healthy weight, but nevertheless healthy, and it was showing.

Luke shifted in his seat uncomfortably as Alex looked at him. It'd been nearly a month since he had seen his patient and hadn't expected the blonde to be doing so well.

"Yeah, I'm fat I know. No need to stare," Luke muttered looking down at his lap, a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone. He wanted to break the silence, to stop the man from observing him.

"Luke-" Alex began concerned.

"I'm joking," he said not wanting to deal with the same lecture he'd been having for months. "I know I'm healthy and all."

Luke understood that he was now healthy. That he was doing the right thing. But he hated his body. He didn't feel comfortable in it. His body felt external to him. Like he could constantly see it in front of him. Every second of the day he was aware of it.

Alex watched the blonde who was anxiously playing with his fingers. "You're not accepting of it?" he asked knowingly. There was a physical change but little mental change. And the mental change was what mattered.

Luke shrugged, his eyes glazed with tears. "I am, sometimes, it is just that my body just looks-" Luke paused not knowing how to phrase it, just thinking about his body made him upset. "Stupid," he finalised.

"Stupid?" Alex queried, "I think your body is pretty smart Luke, it's kept you alive all this time, hasn't it?"

Luke laughed gently knowing that he was being irrational. He knew that he was being irrational but he could not seem to become rational. He was trapped. "Yeah, I know. I don't know, I just feel that it's all out of proportion and it feels stupid."

Alex nodded understandingly. "Your body is our of proportion Luke," he confirmed wanting the boy to understand every inch of reality that he was going to be facing. "The main damage you've caused through starvation is to your stomach, Luke. I know we've been through this but it's something you need to be reminded of. It's shrunk so when you eat any significant amount of food you're inevitably going to bloat."

Luke let his hand rest on his stomach. It was fairly solid from his breakfast. But he could feel the fat. He didn't care about the bloat anymore. It would come and go pretty often and he sort of just accepted it. However, he really did care about the thin layer of fat that was forming. That he knew in a couple of weeks would be thick enough to form a small roll or two.

"But, I don't understand. Why-" Luke grabbed his hair in frustration.

Alex stood up and sat a little away from the small boy. Luke looked up, his eyes pleading for help. The therapist looked at the blonde's hands tugging on his hair and Luke slowly let go and sat on them so it would be an inconvenience to do so again.

Alex wanted Luke to say what he was feeling. Knowing that it needed to come from the blonde. He was struggling with voicing his thoughts because he didn't want to speak them into existence. But he needed to speak them into existence in order for the therapist to help.

"What don't you understand Luke?" Alex pushed knowing that the confusion was only going to further stunt the blondes recovery.

Luke looked down anxiously. He didn't want to admit what he didn't understand because he felt to some degree it was exposing himself. He hoped that his clothes covered the weight he'd gained the past couple weeks of Alex being gone and therefore by emphasising his misunderstanding he was revealing the weight he had gained.