Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Thirty-four

Chapter Thirty-four

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"Give me a second Luke, I just need to have a quick word with Victoria," Alex said, his hand on the door on the handle, watching the blonde nod and lean against the wall opposite. He was in no rush to see the woman. He knew when Victoria was involved either he had done something wrong or a big change was about to occur. Neither of which he liked.

Alex entered the office, greeted by a quick smile but of a woman who was trying to sort out everything as efficiently as possible. The change had been quick, not even twenty-four hours and all of the information needed to be imputed before it could begin. But she knew that it was better this happened sooner or later.

"He's in a right state," Alex said, handing her a piece of paper with the blonde's most recent weight on.

She glanced at it over the top of her glasses and quickly typed the number before deleting it again. "That's a lot of weight to gain in a week, he's eaten today?" she asked.

Alex hummed in agreement. "Dinner and lunch. On the updated calorie intake. He did struggle to finish it."

She nodded understandingly, deducting the blondes current weight by a couple of pounds knowing it was never accurate to weigh them during the day due to several factors.

She then clicked submit and put her glasses on the desk as to indicate relief. "He's bound to be upset Alex. You've taken him out of a comfortable structure, it would be odd if he didn't panic."

"I know," he agreed. "Just take it easy on him, I don't want it to provoke anything more than it needs to."

Victoria simply rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer. "I'll come to your office once we're done."

Alex sighed and left the room, holding the door open for the blonde to enter. Slowly look stood up straight and entered, still standing at the door when it slammed closed. "You can sit Luke," she said softly, knowing the boy was awkward when knowing what to do with himself. "Unless you want to stand." She knew he was unconventional, but also knew he needed a little humour right now

Luke smiled in amusement and made his way over to the seat. "Standing burns more calories," he joked.

Victoria quickly looked up at the blonde concerned, but he a small smile on his face. She knew that he used jokes in a way to cope with his changing body. But, it concerned her that he felt the need to use ones such closely connected to his weight. It showed that he was still so preoccupied with his body in his mind.

"You look tired Luke," she said sadly, noticing the dark look in and under his eyes. His hair was also a little greasy which was unusual for the blonde who usually kept himself pristine being a slight perfectionist.

Luke shrugged. "I sleep fine."

"Sometimes sleep isn't the problem Luke. There are so many other facts of fatigue."

The blonde found himself going to his habits and picking at the skin around his fingers, his hands under the desk so Victoria could not see and stop him. "Today's been a bit stressful that's all," Luke said. He felt that was all it was.

He had felt down for a little while now, but he hadn't recognised it. He thought it was himself being silly. He was doing everything right, eating and gaining weight, he felt he didn't have the right to be sad when there was nothing to be sad about. So he just pushed the feeling aside. And it was starting to exhaust him now.

"I'm afraid I'm going to be adding to that stress Luke, or maybe even relieving," she said giving him a gentle smile, sitting back in her chair to create a more relaxed environment for the boy.

Luke didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to expect. Today there had been too many surprises, and out of the ordinary experiences.

Victoria took a deep breath and began, just wanting to get it over for the boy. "We have been assessing your recovery Luke, and we feel that now is the right time to give you back control of what you eat."

"I just had my calories increased," Luke stated confused. "Why would you do that?"

That was not the response Victoria had expected and didn't quite know what to infer. "Well judging from other times you've had your intake increased, you've done so without a fuss. And you are at a stable weight now. So we thought it would be best to let you take back control, you can choose what to eat and when. And you are now entitled to skip meals within reason"

Luke shook his head, the words she just spoke hitting him like a truck. "No. I don't want to," he dismissed. "I'm happy like this."

Victoria looked at the small boy sceptically. "Are you Luke? You are consuming a lot of calories. You don't need nearly 4000 to sustain your body anymore."

Luke still shook his head in disagreement. "Then lower it to a normal amount. I don't understand why you can't still give me meals. I don't want to choose myself."

"Why is that Luke?" she pressed, knowing the boy was getting upset, but it was inevitable and there was no point in her trying to prevent it.

Luke was silent, despite the slight trembling of his body. "This is working. Why would you change something that is working."

"We've seen great physical progress and now that you are stable, we can see if this has been replicated mentally, and we can begin to challenge those more entrenched eating disorder beliefs that haven't been brought out just yet."

"I'm fine as I am. I am completely fine. I don't look dead anymore do I. I know full well that I'm getting fat. Is this just some way of you telling me I need to lose weight?" Luke suddenly outburst, clutching at his hair, beginning to panic.

Victoria sighed, and made her over to the blonde, kneeling beside his chair. "Luke, look at me," she said softly.

It took him a couple of seconds but he looked at her teary-eyed. "I know you're not okay Luke. We all know it. Even yourself. By changing your treatment plan we are giving you the opportunity for you to tell us what you're struggling with so we can help you start to recover."

"I'm going to mess this all up though. I'll ruin everything you've achieved."

Victoria shook her head, patting the boy's knee and standing up. "We expect nothing of you Luke. We are doing this to see how you cope with being back in control and whatever the outcome we don't mind. We just need you to be you, Luke."

Luke sniffled and wiped his eyes. He understood what they were trying to do. They were trying to get him to reveal that he wasn't okay, that his recovery had barely progressed since the months he'd been in here.

"Do you think you'll be able to give it a go for a week. You can choose Luke, I know how important this is going to be for you. You are now in control of your body. You can choose what you put into it, and the way you want it to look."

And Luke liked that idea. It's what he wanted for so long now. But, he knew it was not what others wanted. He ate because he knew it was normal. Luke nodded, placing his hand on his stomach and feeling it grumble from hunger. He didn't have to eat dinner today, or tomorrow. They were giving the invitation to starve himself again, and he was willing to accept it. 

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