One-Shots | Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers (and actors)

Stay [b.b.]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (unspecified)
Premise: The harder parts of a relationship (don't know how to describe this)
Warning: Sad, angsty-ish, mentions of sexy times, a few (like one) bad word, unrealistic expectations of depression getting better. I don't know.
A/N: I was listening to this song and felt the need to write something for Bucky with it. My warning about unrealistic expectations for depression getting better should be headed. It doesn't always, even most of time work like I depicted it, but I need to write it like this. Italics in a paragraph by itself are song lyrics.

~

All along it was fever
A cold-sweat, hot-headed believer

It was all passion in the beginning, the long nights of sensuous and hard sex. The kisses that sent your panties flying, the fingers that did more than that. You wanted more, so much more than he thought.

I threw my hands in the air, said show me something
He said if you dare come a little closer

The passionate nights, they cooled. Comfortable and almost silent companionship that settled deep within your bones took it place. Bucky, on his part didn't seem to mind. And although you missed the fervent feelings, the ones that made you believe you would never get enough, you enjoyed the content feeling the two of you had now.

'Round and around and around and around we go
Oh no, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

Those quiet and comfortable nights, those silent days, they didn't cease. The companionable silence that once felt calming, even comforting, now felt suffocating. Neither one of you willing to breach the subject, the problem. You no longer miss the passion; you just miss Bucky. You miss who you were with him. You miss you.

Not really sure how to feel about it

You didn't want the ending, feared it, dreaded it. You wanted nothing more than to forget the last few weeks, months, and restart. By the look in his eyes, Bucky felt similar.

Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
Yeah it takes me all the way

Even through the grueling interactions that set your nerves on edge, that left a cold feeling in you, you loved him. He loved you, you had to believe that. Didn't want, refused to believe anything else. You needed him. He needed you. The nights he still held you close when a nightmare occurred confirmed that. The way you soothed him told him as much.

I want you to stay

The leaving is what you both feared the most. The day when one of you said, "I've had enough." Neither one of you could bring yourself to say the words. The icy feeling dripping down your spine every time the words were poised on your tongue stopped you. His hollow eyes, after so many months of bright and happy ones haunted you, kept you there.

It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

Bucky knew he was the cause. He was the reason the life he once loved in your eyes was all but gone. Knew that the life in his own was all but gone too. The "I'm sorry" never really leaving his lips. He still loved you, with everything he had. He just couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.

'Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

He couldn't help but feel as if he was in an endless cycle of sadness, despair, worthlessness. He snuffed out the fire you held close; used it up when he couldn't give back. He knows that, hates himself for it.

Not really sure how to feel about it

He knows he should leave, tell you that you deserve better, because you do, but he can't. He can't let go of you yet, no matter how much he knows he should.

Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
Yeah it takes me all the way

Everything he loves, lives in you. He can't live without that small and dulled light you bring. He can't. Yet everyday he is with you, it gets duller. He can still picture the nights from what feels like so long ago. Holds onto them with an iron grip.

And I want you to stay

He misses you. He misses himself. He wants it back. He needs it back. He desperately needs you to be with him, to stay by his side as he dies a little more inside.

Ooh-ooh-ooh, the reason I hold on
Ooh-ooh-ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone

You know the only person that can heal the gaping hole in your heart is the one who put it there. The one that knows but can't seem to repair it. You know it but can't bring yourself to give up on him. Not yet. Not when he is still so broken, so hollow.

Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving

Bucky knows you're broken, inside at least. The hole he left for you to repair he knows his fault. He knows the light gone from your eyes is because of him. He needs to fix it.

'Cause when you never see the light
It's hard to know which one us is caving

You vow to yourself that you pull him out of the lurking and ever-growing darkness surrounding him, even if it kills you. He deserves that. He deserves to see the light he hasn't gotten used to yet. He needs to feel love.

Not really sure how to feel about it

Neither one of you know of each other telling yourselves to get your shit together and help the other. Neither of you know of the burning fire returning in your bellies. The will to live, even if it isn't for yourself.

Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way

The days of dull solitude, of sleepless nights give way to nights of quiet yet warm breathes against necks. The arm around your waist no longer feels so heavy. You realize the light you so hoped would return is working its way back into your eyes, into his. For the first time in months you don't feel like you are sleeping next to a ghost.

I want you to stay, stay
I want you to stay, ooh

Song: Stay - Rihanna (feat. Mikky Ekko)

~ Sam(antha)