Follow me @vidsbyang on Instagram to see the video AUs to this story! That's where the ideas came from originally before continuing on wattpad. Everyone kept telling me to make a wattpad story. I don't know how far this will go it's been years since...
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I hadn't realized how long I had been gone. After stepping foot into my childhood home, standing in front of my mum for the first time in thirteen years, it all became so real. The house hadn't changed much, the furniture remained the same, however it was slightly more worn.
My room had now become a storage space, filled with boxes.
Hardin's room changed slightly. The bookshelves were still lined with old literature. I wonder if he was still living here. Of course he is, where else would he go? Right.
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A soft knock hits the door of Hardin's room. I spin around to see my mum, leaning up against the door frame. She's skinnier than I remember, but still glowing as ever. I close my eyes thinking of all the pain I caused her. My own mum. I am a shit son. "Was" my conscious reminds me.
"I know you didn't come here to reminisce Christian. So tell me, what do you need now?" Her harsh words stab into me.
"Mum I don't need anything." I say.
"Then why did you come back?" Her voice cracks. I step towards her and take her hands.
"Can we go and sit down?" I say to her. She nods. We head downstairs and into the kitchen. We head over to the kitchen table and sit down, facing each other. I take a deep breath. Here it goes.
"I'm sorry mum." I get right to the point. "I fucked up, I fucked up so many times, I left you to take care of all my mistakes and I'm sorry." I take her hand into mine again.
"Christian don't. What's done is done. I don't want to talk about that night." My mom jerks her hands back releasing them from my hands.
"I know but it kills me everyday of my life. For the last thirteen years I realized that I ran from something I shouldn't have ran from. I was so focused on that life, I put my own family at risk and I'm sorry. I know sorry isn't going to fix it but I want to be the son you should have had all this time."
My mum doesn't say anything. "Christian I —" she pauses. I sigh in defeat, pulling something out of my pocket. I hold it in my first for a moment closing my eyes.
"I want to show you something." I smile. Holding out the chip in front of mum. She looks at the chip in my hand, her eyes filled with tears now.
"This chip represents 10 years of being clean and sober. I came today because today is the official day, ten years ago I submitted myself into rehab. It's been one hell of a journey, but I did it for you mum. I did it so you could be proud of me." I pause. I look up at my mum, whose full on crying now.
Tears soaking her face. She looks at me. Then back at the chip in my hand, then back at me.
She gives a smile and gets up. She reaches over the small kitchen table, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me closer to her chest. She sobs into my shoulder.
"I've never once stopped loving you Christian. You are my son, my first baby. I prayed and prayed for this moment to come, for you to get the help you needed. I'm just so relieved that you finally did." She smiles.
"So you forgive me then?" I smile.
"I forgave you years ago. I'm just happy to have my son back." She places her hands on my cheeks.
"I love you mum." I smile at her.
It's silent for awhile. I fiddle with the chip in my hand. Twirling it. I wonder where Hardin is. I figured he was out with his friends, it's way past 8:00 here. I was hoping to see him though, I wanted to apologize to him as well. I owe that to him.
"Where's Hardin? I was hoping to talk to him while I was here." I ask my mum. Her face turns into a frown and she looks down.
"He moved to Washington with his father. He's going to Washington state university. I don't see much of him these days." She says, pain clear in her voice.
"He hasn't been the same since — you know. We barely speak. I'm always working, he's always out with his buddies getting into trouble. I finally had enough of his shit and I figured it was best to go Live in Washington. It was really his only chance at getting into university." Her voice is quiet.
It hurts me seeing my mum like this. Two fuck up sons, all the shit I put her through and who knows what Hardin put her through.
Hardin lives in the same same state as me. What a coincidence. Why didn't mum move too? Was she happy here? Did she have someone who loved her? Who can give her the life she deserved years ago when my father left her. So many questions. So much regret leaving , but I had to. I had to get better. My mum didn't deserve this. All the pain I put her through, my father put her through, and probably my brother put her through.
