Gone 2 Long

26

The audio replayed on constant loop as I allowed the words to penetrate my mind. I've probably listened to this on loop for a whole week as it is but I couldn't get over the truth in the audio. I had been going about my relationship with Antheia all wrong, all due to the fact that I was expecting her to be the one to inflict pain and heartbreak onto me. My mindset was so fixated on the fact that one day she'll realize that I'm not all she deserves. I'm not the one she's meant to be with but the audio had given me an entire new perspective on how to view the relationship. I had to get her back. Fight for her love no matter how long it takes, I will fight day and night, tooth and nail in order to win back the love of my life.

I removed my airpod as I caught sight of Kekeli trying to get my attention. I walked to the group consisting of Austin, my mom, dad, Elom, Kekeli and Nick. They were all engaged kn conversation of tonight's dinner plans although quite frankly I didn't feel like going. Tomorrow may be my 20th birthday but it didn't feel right. Celebrating a birthday with her back in my life yet we wouldn't be together didn't sit well with my spirit. I pushed the heart aching idea aside, finally changing the song as I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"What time we leaving?" I heard a voice question and an ill prepared choir chorused 7:30. I looked down at my watch notifying me I still had an entire hour to get ready. I was about to walk over to Kekeli but restrained myself as I know that would result in me being physically attacked. She hasn't forgiven me for cheating on Antheia once again and she had every right too. She went above and beyond to get us together and yet I just rubbed it all in her face. My in decisiveness caught the attention of my mother who motioned for me to follow her out the house, onto the patio. She sat on the hammock chair motioning for me to sit across her and so I did. I listened to the faint sounds of Billie Eillish's ocean eyes before realizing I was being rude.

"Whats going on baby? You haven't been yourself since we got here. Are you alright?" I huffed as I gazed at the ceiling in order to prevent the tears from streaming down my face. They fell rather on the sides completely defeating the objective of my gesture.

" I just keep fucking things up ma. I want to be with her so bad, she's literally the only girl I see myself being with but my impulsive actions say otherwise. I want to prove to her I'm really not that guy." She remained silent for a few moments as if she were formulating a reply.

" Zion, before you prove anything to her. You need to prove it to yourself that you're capable of giving her the love she deserves. You need to find it in yourself first to love yourself and have enough confidence in yourself to know that you'll be the one to make her happy. I think you're lacking self love and thus cannot handle all the love she's giving you. Take time for yourself first baby. Figure it out on your own and once you're ready, don't tell her, show her how you feel." I let the wise words of my mother simmer through my mind as I tried to understand the concept of loving myself first.

" I'll try. I don't know where to even start but I'm going to do it. Thanks... For everything mom. " She disembarked from the chair only to wrap her arms around mine, making me feel at home, at ease with my current pain. I let go of her small frame and walked into the house. I could hear the voices of more people than what had initially been there before my 5 minute chat with my mother. As I migrated from room to room, I was graced with the presence of Johnson, Hayes and Rupp. Their presence sent chills throughout my body as their appearance meant that Antheia would be coming, she's always with Jack... Their practically glued at the hip those two.