Oreo

Chapter 52: I'm With You

Romeo's POV~

The time on my phone read 9:08 when the front door opened and Orion stepped over the threshold.  I'd calmed down a little from the nightmare, but being alone with my thoughts and knowing that I was gonna share them had me invisibly nervous.  As in, I probably looked like an monotone android low on power.

"Hey.  When did you get home?" He asked, setting his keys and phone on the table before joining me in the living room.

"Seven-ish." I said a bit timidly.  My own phone now sat on the cushion beside me.  "How's Lita?"

"She's doing okay.  Was thrilled that I came to see her.  You could've texted me and I would've come home sooner..." He took the spot next to me and I could feel the burn of his gaze.  "... You okay?  You look pale.  Did something happen?"

I shook my head hesitantly.  "I... nothing... I mean, I've just been having a hard time sleeping well because of nightmares..." My voice was a bit quieter than I intended but I tried to ignore that.

Rion oh'd with a sigh, pulling me onto his lap.  He rubbed my sides with his hands, a soft expression on his face.  "Do you want to talk about them?"

I chewed my lip, not completely sure but trying to find a way to stall answering.  "I've been... I've been meditating my thoughts a lot... I know that I cry easily to little things, or, or not at all when it seems like something that I should... I don't express joy that much, and when I do it can easily... easily falter... I get, um... really depressed, sometimes.  Depressed where I... I sometimes think things that I shouldn't... I think about doing things to... hurt.. myself..... I, uh..."

My voice grew weak towards the end, words fleeing in fright of the turn it was starting to take.  My head hurt, but I wasn't even close to crying.  My eyes didn't burn; my head just hurt and my throat felt dry.  I couldn't meet Rion's gaze, keeping my face turned away.  He opened his mouth to speak but I continued before he could.

"I've been, uh... the nightmares... He's always in them... I don't always remember them, but I'm pretty sure.... I fell asleep at Abel's and... I was at that house and he asked me to, um... help him, so I went to the bathroom and I... I tried to call the police... I was so scared... But I... I think I dropped my phone and... I think, you were there.  I don't know what happened next, but... you were."

Orion sighed again and held me to his chest.  The hold was gentle but tight.  Like he was scared I would break and wanted to protect me, the way his arms fully eveloped me.  He burried his face in my neck and a silence settled for a moment.  There was just the sounds of his tense breathes just under my ear.

"Please don't hurt youself, Romeo...  I don't want to lose you... You mean so much to me and if I could give you the world, then I would.  You deserve absolutely nothing less than that.  I wish I could erase away all that bullshit from your life, but I can't.  That sick excuse for a human being deserves to rott away in hell for eternity for what he did to you...  If I had the power, that would be my sentence for him."

All emotion seemed to be vacant of my body.  I couldn't feel anything on the subject.  It was like they had all taken fifty steps away from the control panel.  Meanwhile, I could hear the pain and anger in Orion's voice.  I could feel his hot tears seep through my shirt.

Why is he the one crying?  I should be the one crying, right?  This is exactly what I meant when I said that I don't cry appropriately...

"I don't... or, I haven't gone through with anything because I don't want to hurt you... I don't want you to feel like you arn't making me happy enough." I confessed.  It felt like my tongue was on autopilot by this point.  "But that doesn't stop the... It doesn't... They still, uh... I stil get that... urge...  Even when I turn down the idea, it lures me with... with um.... It, I'm almost masochistic towards myself.  I like hurting myself.  It helped distracting me from the voice and from the thoughts.  It's not always visible, but...  It, um..."  The words got stuck again. 

My shirt was soaking up more of Rion's tears, his shoulders subtly shaking around me and his fingers gripped my clothes.  There was more silence, broken only by his sniffling and attempts to stop the unwanted waterworks.  I listened mutely, wishing I could cry as well but knowing it wouldn't happen.

Finally, he lifted his head only to pull mine to his own shoulder to hold me even closer.  It gave himself a chance to talk.  "I... I wish you didn't feel the need to do things like that...  I'm glad you haven't done anything, but please, please don't hurt yourself.  You're too precious for this world.  I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, and I'm so glad that my parents are bad at their job because it led me to meeting you..."

"The only reason I'm even here right now is because you accidentally saw something I was trying to hide, though..."

"Well, I'm glad I saw it.  I'm so glad I asked you to spend the night."

"He didn't even like me spending nights away from home..."

"Then I'm also glad I forced you to break that rule... I know we barely knew each other, but I'm just happy you aren't suffering like that anymore..."

My lips pressed tightly, allowing him to hold onto me but not feeling much of the comfort he was trying to inflict.  For an emotional conduit like myself, I was immune to it.  In fact, it almost felt reversal.  Allowing him to embrace me like that helped him feel better more than it helped me.

But I wasn't going to tell him that.

"I'm fine now... I'm with you."

"I love you so much, Romeo... so fucking much... I'm never going to leave you...  Never in a million fucking years...  I'll never leave your side...  I love you so fucking much, more than I ever thought I could possibly love anyone other than my own sisters...  Please, just please promise me that you won't hurt youself anymore..."

"I can try..." I stated, not wanting to lie to him.  I couldn't predict what future me would do.  "I'm impulsive.  It's always impulsive.  When the thought occurs, I usually find a way to act immediately..."

He sighed shakily.  "Then please tell me when you start to feel that way."

"I'll try."

"Don't try; do." He started to pepper kisses over my temple and cheek bone.  "You deserve all the good things this world has to offer and I'm going to do everything in my power to give it to you.  Not matter the cost.  I will make you the happiest man alive, I promise."

I pecked him quickly on the lips before my eyes trained on his chin just to avoid eye contact.  "I'm already happy enough being with you, Rion.  I don't need anything else then that, from you."

He bit his lip and I could tell he was trying not to cry more.  "Look at me."

My lips pressed again.

"Romey, look at me and tell me you mean what you say."

Reluctantly, my eyes flicked up to his.  "I mean it.  Being with you makes me plenty happy.  The thoughts may come back sometimes but that isn't because of you or because I'm not happy with you.  It's just gonna take a while to heal from that pasf, if I ever can..."  It was difficult to keep my gaze locked with his, but I managed.

"Good, good boy."  He sighed, still tense but relieved, and hugged me again.  "I'm never going to leave your side, okay?  I'll always be here for you and you'll never, ever be alone."

I just nodded and waited for the mood to calm down enough to suggest we do something else to distract our minds.  Spilling everything helped me feel a little better, but doing so also completely exhausted me.  I still didn't want to go to sleep, scared of what kind if trip would await me in the void of darkness.

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