LIAR | QUEEN AU

Chapter 24 - I Want To Break Free From Your Lies You're So Self Satisfied

Dear Diary:

B*TCH.

F*ck, sorry for calling you b*tch. Wait, what the hell? I'm apologizing to a book. A damn book. I think I'm going slightly mad.

Sh*t man I'm so confused. So like yesterday I spent the night with Freddie and my F*CK. F*CKING F*CK. F*CKING GORGEOUS. HE'S F*CKING GORGEOUS B*TCH.

How have I never noticed that before??? It took me four months??? How??? The??? Hell??? Is??? HE??? SO???? PRETTY?????

We just f*cking sat down and I stared at his face for a bit too long and my heart just went GASHKLAHLDHLASFHK like damn. He's so smart and athletic and all that sh*t, but he's also so sweet and caring and funny like how. HOW. AND DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. He's like the perfect boy. I'm not the perfect boy. Far from it. How is he so perfect and I'm just sh*t?

What the f*ck I'm not even gay. Wait. waIT. WAIT. Sh*t I sound really gAY. I'm not! I like Veronica. She's my f*cking girlfriend. BUT FREDDIE EXISTS. HE F*CKING EXISTS AND IS BEING HIS AMAZING SELF AND I'M JUST HERE LIKE HELP. HELP ME. WHAT DO I DO?!

I can't have a crush on him. I can't. No way. Okay maybe when rereading this I sound hella gay and like I have a hella crush on him, but I can't! I still like Veronica so damn much. I can't have a crush on him. It's just bros supporting bros. Yeah. Yeah.

NOOOO! IT'S NOTTTTTT! IT FEELS VERY DIFFERENT. VERY VERY DIFFERENT. STUPID. F*CKING. FEELINGS. WHY. Like I love Veronica and all, but then there's Freddie. This sh*t is too much. I'm dating a girl, but now I have this crush on a guy? That's five f*cking years older than me?

What if I'm bi? What if. WHAT IF. F*cking sh*t man it's too early in the morning to have this crisis. I'll figure it all out later. I've got to. Or so help me I'm not John Richard Deacon born on August the f*cking 19th, 2003!!!!!!

~ Signing off, J Deacon

Nothing like a good morning with a side of emotions. Damn, Julie's gonna be confused as hell if she steals my diary again. My hand felt like a thousand rubber bands were tightly compressing my joints all together. The paper in my notebook had strong dents under the slowly fading ink. Maybe I had been a bit too aggressive.

As I opened my door, an aroma filled with an explosion of savory flavors trickled into the room. I took a deep breath, letting the impeccable smell dance in my vast memory of this delicious treat. Grabbing my backpack and rushing down the stairs, I hurried over to kitchen. The scent immediately transformed into something more prominent. I closed my eyes and sighed. I hadn't had a good cheese on toast in a while.

"Hi John!" my mum smiled. She held a plate of the snack in her hands, "I thought I could wake up earlier and make you some food. I know I've been out a bit more for work than usual, so I thought this would make it up to you."

I sat my ass down in a chair and scooped up the gooey thing. Forgetting my manners, I gleefully cheered with my mouth full, "Thank you Mum!"

"Save some for Julie, alright? I'll tell her to come down now so you won't be late to school."

This all seemed like the middle-class family cliche. It seemed too... normal. It hasn't been this kind of normal in a long while. I missed it to be honest. You don't get to do many normal things as a spy, y'know.

Julie appeared in front of me, taking me by surprise since I had heard no indication of her coming downstairs. She snatched the last two pieces of toast, earning a glare from me. Her nasty giggle mocked me as she exited the front door. I took the last few bites before bolting out into the car.