Never Went Away (An All American Story) [1/4]

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A/N: This does reflect me as a person. I've been taken advantage of, treated like trash and hurt by so many people, but I still continue to be a nice person. Because as a Christian, you forgive the people who wronged you and move on. But that gets hard after a while because you start wondering what it is about you and makes you prone to people treating you like shit. And at first, I wondered that was it because I was too nice, but even when I put up a thicker wall, I let the wrong people in and they hurt me anyway... and I'm running out of reasons to be happy and content, because whenever I am any of those things, someone always ruins it. So, that's where I'm at right now.
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A/N: trigger warning, there are events of attempted suicide, cutting and drugs in this story.
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I walk through the halls of the school with my head bowed as I think about Jordan. Him and I have been best friends since the beginning of freshman year. Believe it or not, he was the one who made my world turn around. I was in a dark place before and I had no hope for myself. In the beginning, I just thought that he was just an ordinary jock with his obsession with football. But all of that changed when he stood up for me when the bullies from my class did their normal picking. They were the kind of people who lingered around like a fly that won't leave you alone.

I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself because I had such a bad stutter and I was embarrassed by it. Even after I deliberately tried to avoid him so he wouldn't talk to me and bring down his popular status, he still made time to talk to me. After weeks of stubbornness, I finally gave in. He learned more about me and vice versa, and then we became best friends, and he invited me to his friend group.

I've been close with Leila, Asher, Spencer, his mom, Olivia and her parents. I'm glad that Jordan didn't give up on me, but now he's beginning to give up on himself and his family. Jordan was there for me when I was suffering from panic attacks now that my father was put on trial for domestic abuse and homicide, and now it's my turn to be there for him.

And the past few months, I have been trying to be there for him, but every time he pushes me away. The things he used to say to me. The insults. In the beginning, I brushed it off because I knew that he didn't mean it. But now, they're actually starting to hurt. His voice snaps me out of my thoughts as he was talking to his friends. His gaze falls onto me and I could tell that he mumbled something underneath his breath.

"Jordan," I say as I approach him. "We need to talk," I add. "No, we really don't." He snaps. "Come on, Jordan. Don't do this, please. Let me be there for you," I say, gently touching his arm. He pulls away from my touch and shoves me into the lockers. He slams his fist against the lockers around me, making me wince. "I don't need your help. I don't need anything from you. You can't possibly understand what I've been going through, so I have no interest in listening to anything you have to say."

Words were entrapped in my throat as I stare up into his deep, dark eyes. He slams his hands again before walking away from me. Tears build in my eyes but I brush them away before they can fall onto my cheeks. I rushed into the bathroom to calm my nerves so I don't have an anxiety attack in the middle of the third period. The late bell rang and now I'm officially late for class.

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(Cue Music)
My leg bounced nervously as I glance over at Jordan from across the lunch room. I am done with Jordan. As much as I loved him, I deserve better than how he is treating me. I'm not going to allow myself to go back to the way I was after I fought so hard to be better. I stand abruptly from my table and rush over to him. "Would you-" "No, you need to shut up and listen to me because this is the last time that I'm even going to look in your direction." I interrupt in a loud, firm voice.

His mouth gapes open in pure shock and I add, "Do you hate me, Jordan? Do you somehow blame me for your family's troubles?" I wait for him to respond, but it seems like words were now trapped in his throat. "Do you hate me, Jordan? Because I can't think of any other reason why you treat so terrible. Do you know what it's like for someone that you used to call your best friend, makes you feel like you're nothing. Like you're trash. I had another panic attack last night, and I felt like my head was going to explode because I couldn't breathe; and you weren't there. I could have died last night, and you weren't there! But then again, you probably don't care, so what should I? Why should I care about your wellbeing, if you don't care about my own? You know what, you can continue on with this Beverly Hills QB player boy act all you want. But the second that shit hits the fan, which you and I both know will happen. Don't you dare come knocking on my door." I say before wiping a single tear that fell on my cheek.

"Y/N," I hear Olivia call after me. "Just stop, Olivia! I've tried for months to get through to your brother and he made me feel like I was trash after years of him saying otherwise. I love him, but I deserve better than how he's treating me right now. He's your brother, he's your responsibility now." I say before dashing out of the school and piling into my car.

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