Fatal Attractions

LIV

I'm paralyzed.

I've got to be after that. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did, then again, Peters injected me with something that made my body more resilient to the charges. All I know is that it hurt like hell.

Comic books and movies are bullshit. The heroes are all strong and sassy while they're being tortured, making bad ass grimaces as they tell their captors to go to hell, but they don't know what real torture is. That was all bullshit. I wasn't strong, I was broken down and desperate. I wasn't making a grimace, I was screaming and sobbing. All I was telling my captors is that I wished they would stop. I always used to think I was one of those heroes from the books and movies-- or at least aspired to be them-- but I'm not and however they do it is a miracle.

I'm just laying here, still, my eyes frozen open because every time I blink they burn.

I don't know how much time has passed, if it's night or a week, I don't really care either. I've been sitting in this room just soaking in my own pain, Aubrey stopping by occasionally to make sure I wasn't dead.

Peters had said that he had to wait for the injection to kick in and for the electricity to focus itself in my hand, but I'm starting to believe that it's never going to happen.

I was hoping after that happened that the pain would end.

I wanted to give up so bad. I wanted to just die. Regardless of everything, I wanted to die. I knew I shouldn't give up, I knew I should keep going, but I don't think I can. I've tried. I've tried really damn hard but it's just not working, and I want to give up. There was no point to me being alive anymore, I would never come back from this torture even if I did escape somehow, which was unlikely. I couldn't live like this, it wasn't living. I wished that one of these times my body would crap out and the pain would end, I just wanted it to end.

Then I think of all of the people, all of the people that make me weak and hope, and they are what make this so painful.

Logan, Jason, Aubrey, this town, all of the people keeping me alive, making me want to live so I can see them again are the things that are killing me. I wish I could just accept death and accept giving up but I couldn't. I couldn't because of them. They won't let me die.

So if I have the chance to get out of here, of living to see them again, I am going to take it.

I would take it so I can pay Jason back for all he has done with me. So I could show him how much he means to me as a friend and as a person and thank him for all of the things he has done for me. I would take it so I could reconcile with Aubrey, so we could be partners again. So we could be each other's bridesmaids and have our kids be best friends and so we could go through everything life has to offer together, just like it always has been. I would take the chance to kick Blake's ass, to finally end all of this and put a bullet between his eyes. I would take it to start over, to cross off all the names on the list. I would take it to avenge the murders my parents committed and I would take it to try and make this city a safe place to live in.

And finally, I would take it so I can spend fifty years with Logan. I would take it to wake up to him every morning for the rest of my life and to have kids with him and laugh with him and cry with him and spent every moment I had left with him. I would take the chance so the last thing I saw was his face, not this god forsaken room.

I couldn't sit around waiting for that chance. I had to take action. As hard as it was, I couldn't give up. I wouldn't give up. I would make a chance.

As painful as it was, I glanced down at my red hand, still twitching.

"Move." I croaked, my voice barely a whisper, trying with all of my willpower to bend my finger.

A tear rolled down my cheek, making my skin burn.