Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 7 ~ Get Out of my Head

Max
The Snowball is in two days.
Mike and Eleven are going together. I guess even if she did like me, we could never go together anyways. But it still hurts.
Lucas and I are back together. I've decided that if I want to get over El, I should be with someone else. Of course I chose Lucas, because he very obviously likes me and we kinda dated for a while. We're going to the Snowball together, too.
The thought makes my stomach hurt.
It's not that I don't like Lucas, because I do. Just not like that. I don't think I really ever did. When we went to the Snowball together last year and I kissed him, it felt so... wrong. It made me feel a little disgusting. His lips against mine, they were just slimy. There were no real sparks for me. It felt cold. This is what everybody was so thrilled about? I couldn't see why.
Until I got to know Eleven.
I wanted to plant a kiss on her lips so often.
My eyes began to tear up. I was sitting in class, Science, which I had with the entire Party. Including El. Luckily, I sat in the back, so I didn't think that the teacher would notice me. This whole crying thing had began to happen a lot lately. Ever since that night with El, it seemed like I cried at least once every day. I couldn't feel happiness anymore, either. I could feel sorta happy, I guess.
How could I let this happen?
Suddenly angry at Eleven, but mostly angry at myself, I raised my hand and asked to use the restroom. I tried my best not to storm out, but I could practically feel El staring at me with all her stupid concern. It seemed to happen more and more often. I would be thinking of Eleven or Lucas and I would start crying, and then I'd just get really mad at myself and El. And then I'm bawling my eyes out.
I walked quickly to the bathroom, not wanting people passing me in the hallway to see my tears and, to my luck, nobody was in there. I walked into the cleanest-looking stall and practically slammed the door shut. Locking it, I sunk down onto the toilet and sobbed. I was all alone with my thoughts; I couldn't decide if that was good or terrifying.
I was crying for a while until I heard the door to the bathroom creak open. It felt as if my heart had stopped. I shut up and climbed up onto the toilet, so whoever it was wouldn't know I was here.
"M-Max?" It was Eleven. Of course it was Eleven. I didn't speak. Maybe she would think I ran away from school or something. I couldn't talk to her, though. That I knew. "Max, I know you're in here. You're not that rebellious." I heard her giggle. Could she read minds, too?
When I had gathered myself enough to speak, I said, "Go away, Eleven. I want to be alone." My voice, of course, broke at the end. I instantly felt horrible, but I really did just want her to leave me alone.
"O-Ok. Sorry." I could practically hear the hurt in her voice. I felt the now familiar hot tears roll down my cheeks. An image of El wiping them flashed through my head, which only made me cry harder, mad at what this girl was doing to my brain.

Lunch
I couldn't bring myself to sit with the Party. Not after what I' done to Eleven.
God, why am I such a jerk? Do I expect her to like me if I'm an asshole?
Tears again arising in my eyes, I sat underneath a tree by myself. I could see the boys and El sitting at our usual table from here. Maybe some part of me was hoping one of them would come up to me and ask me what I was doing and why I was sitting alone.
Lucas walked up to me then, asking me exactly that. Of course it was Lucas. Don't be a baby, I reminded myself.
"I was such an asshole to El earlier, and I just... I couldn't just sit down and pretend like I'd done nothing and I was innocent," I rambled.
"She told me that she knew you would say that. So she told me to tell you that she forgives you," Lucas said. "She wants you to come and sit with us," he added. I nodded.
We walked up to our table together, Lucas holding my hand. I really didn't feel like it right now, but I decided to let him, because not only did I not wanna be a jerk to him, I wanted everybody to think I was ok. I kept my eyes glued to the ground.
When we got to the table, I sat down and ate my lunch, not really listening to whatever everybody was talking about. I could feel El looking at me sympathetically the entire time. I decided to just keep looking down and eat my lunch. The last thing I wanted was to fall into her dark eyes and not be able to find my way back out.

Thanks for reading my dudes! I hope you guys like this so far. Sorry Max is all sad. I just feel like I really have to capture that "straight girl crush" feeling(even though Eleven isn't actually straight, but Max doesn't know that).
Also— I am back in hElL(aka school). So, sorry if the posts aren't as frequent. I really enjoy writing this and stuff, so I try to get chapters in, and I have a few locked and loaded already, lol.

Word Count: 972

~eight