Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 9 ~ It's Going to be Okay

TW: HOMOPHOBIA AND MENTION OF ABUSE

Max
     We arrived back at Eleven's a little while ago. We sat her room and read a Wonder Woman comics until we were bored. Now we were just sitting on the bed, talking about one thing or another. The latest drama at school, the boys, etc. It was pretty casual, until El said, "Max, how have you been?" I could tell she knew what she was asking.
     How have I been? Well for starters, I have a crush on a girl who has a boyfriend. My brother just died, so that's cool, and my stepdad, Neil, abuses me. My mom pretty much acts like I'm not there most of the time. My real dad didn't want me and that's why he didn't even try to win time with me in court. Everyday I fall deeper and deeper in love with this girl it it's breaking me apart(if I'm not already completely shattered). All I can feel is sadness and anger and jealousy, oh, and of course love for this one girl. If I'm not feeling any of that I just feel numb. And I-
     "Max?" Eleven interrupted my thoughts. I thought back to her question, and began to grow angry. How did she think I was doing?
     Then I realized that I've pretty much shut her out, so she probably only knows that I'm not okay. Of course, she knows nothing about what I've been going through. "I'm doing... good?" By the end of the sentence I'd decided that she wouldn't have bought it, no matter how convincing I could be. "I'm, um..." I trailed off. How do you even say that? How do you say all of what just raced through my head without sounding desperate or crazy or needy? "I'm... hanging in there, I guess," I sighed. That wasn't true, either, but it was more true than saying I was fine.
     "Hanging where?" Eleven questioned me, looking confused.
     "Oh, no, I mean, i-it's just a saying," I sputtered. I stopped and took a deep breath before continuing, "It means that I'm... doing okay. I'm trying my best to... not fall? But, not really fall, like not fall metaphorically meaning-" I stopped myself. Why was I so nervous? Jesus, I've gotten really bad at talking to people. Especially El. "It just means that I'm not horrible. I'm not great but I'm not horrible. I'm doing my best to... maintain my happiness. Does that make sense?" El nodded, looking a bit concerned, probably at my nervousness. I could feel the stupid tears springing to my eyes. Maybe crushes are called crushes because they crush everything.
     "Why aren't you good?" Eleven questioned me. What in the world was I supposed to say to that?
     I decided to just shrug. "I guess things have been... different," I told her. That wasn't a lie— things had been different. My life was currently inside the Upside Down. Super weird and cold and slimy, and probably being eaten alive.
     "How?" She asked. All these questions were making my head hurt.
     "Well... my feelings are weird right now," I sighed. That was true, too.
     "Oh," she said. For some reason, I looked her in the eyes. Maybe it was her tone of voice. I'm not sure. I was entranced. Her eyes twinkled so brightly. I wondered how it was even possible for them to do that. How can somebody be so beautiful? And every flaw adorable?
     My hand reached out, as if it had a mind of its own. Still in no control of my hand, it gently touched Eleven's face. Her cheek was so warm. I so badly wanted to kiss her.
     She didn't look afraid or confused. If anything, her eyes seemed to sparkle brighter and they got deeper, pulling me farther into them. I began to lean in, but stopped myself with a quick backward jerk of my head. I removed my hand from her cheek. Holy cow... that almost happened. What was I thinking?? I have a boyfriend and so does El, and she's straight! What am I doing? I could have just ruined my entire relationship with her and been kicked out of the Party! And what would my parents say? What if they'd told my parents?
     "El, I'm s-sorry, I don't know what got into me," I lied. Love was the stupid thing that got into me. It overtook me. How was I to make logical decisions when love was involved?
     "I-It's ok..." Eleven's voice wandered off. She sounded confused. Was she confused why I did it? Did she know I liked her? Did she think it was an accident? After a couple moments of silence, El said, "M-Max?" Oh, god, this couldn't be good.
     "Yeah..?"
     "I... I'm confused," El started, "I-I mean... do girls... why are boys and girls always together, but not boys and boys or girls and girls?"
"It's complicated. Girls who like girls, they're called lesbians," I explained. I wanted to add, and that's what I am, but I decided against it. "And a boy who likes a boy is gay. So, some people think that being gay or a lesbian is bad—"
     "Is it?!" Eleven interrupted, sounding afraid.
     "No, no, it's really not," I assured her, "It's just a little... different, I guess. But it's still love, and people who love each other shouldn't be pulled apart because they're not a man and a woman. Does that make sense?"
     El nodded. "What do your parents think about it?"
     "They... they don't agree with it. They're against it," I said solemnly.
     "What do people do when they're against it..?" El asked, seemingly confused.
     "Some people go to anti-gay rallies, some people just make fun of people who are gay or lesbian, and some people who are really bad..." Max trailed off, trying to decide whether or not to say what she was going to. She decided not to lie. "They hurt people." Fear flashed through Eleven's eyes.
     "H-Hurt people? L-Like Papa?" Oh no! I didn't want for that subject to come up. I felt horrible that I'd made her think that. I should have elaborated! She'd began to shake. She looked like a deer in headlights. She was pale, and she was wiping her hands on her pants.
     "No, no, not like Papa! Never like that," I quickly assured her. I scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. "You'll never be with Papa or anybody like him, not as long as I'm around, ok? I'm not going to let anybody hurt you." She was still shaking. "Shhhh, I've got you. It's alright. You're safe." I pet her head a few times before moving down to her back, which I rubbed soothingly. With my other hand, I held her head close to my chest. I wanted to make her feel safe, like I was guarding her. I heard her crying. It broke my heart to see her in this state. I pulled her away from my chest and rested my forehead on hers, making her look me in the eyes. I held her head in my hands and rubbed her temples gently with my thumbs. "It's going to be ok," I said firmly. She broke back down, and I pulled her back to my chest. "I love you," I added quietly. I didn't think she'd heard me.
     "I love you too," she whispered back. Butterflies cascaded through my chest, and my heart thumped loudly. Eleven could probably hear it, it was so loud. It's going to be ok, I repeated, to myself and in my head this time. I wasn't sure if it was true.

What's up, peeps? I hate to be this person, but I would love if you could share this book with all the gay friends I know you have(I'm just messing with you lol). They don't have to be gay(#DontHateTheStraight), but they should probably like Elmax. I really hope you're enjoying this so far. Sorry for being such a dweeb. Or as Robin would say, a dingus. That hashtag is also a joke(for all my oblivious-to-sarcasm peeps out there).

Alright, you guys can skip this next paragraph, but I'm gonna spill my (kinda)tea to you guys rn.
So basically, I have a crush on this girl, but I'm in middle school, so everybody is still pretty much assuming they're straight. We hang out and stuff, and we have all of our classes together, but she has this friend who's in this one class and she always starts talking to my crush when we're talking and I get kinda cancelled out of the conversation(I am very socially awkward, though, so it's probably at likes 20% my fault). I don't think she has a crush on my crush, but it's really annoying and I NO JOKE almost started crying about it at the very end of class(yeah, I'm super pathetic). So yeah. This is a tea-zone, so anybody else who feels like it can spill their tea too, lol.

Word Count: 1499

~Alexandra the Great