Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 16 ~ Shit.

TW: EMETOPHOBIA

     Today, the party and I are off to the movies. Since Starcourt closed down, there was no more sneaking into movies, but we still liked to go anyway.
     It's been a little over a month since the sleepover with El, and she's still together with Mike. I plan to break up with Lucas next weekend, and I figure that it won't effect the party too much.
Mike and El's breakup will.
I know that that's one of the reasons why she's so afraid. I get it. But it really hurts.
Every time he touches her, it feels like a piece of me breaks off. Every time they hold hands. Every time they hug. Every time Mike flirts with Eleven. Every time they kiss.
I don't know how much is left of me.
I've gotten relatively good at faking my happiness. I still cut from time to time, and I still bore my fingernails into my palms, but I've definitely gotten better. I can genuinely smile and laugh, and I can feel things. Before, I was just numb or falling apart. I can thank El for that.
But she still hasn't decided if she still likes Mike. It's a disaster. I feel used and neglected. I think though, that she's just afraid. Afraid of commitment. Afraid of what people will say. Afraid of losing her friends. I get that too. I know Joyce would be super accepting, as I'm sure she has also realized that Will's gay. So of course, Will will be, too. Her biggest worry is Mike.
     I've learned what it looks like when she's stressed about it. I can see the look on her face change; it is a surprisingly unique expression on her, but it pains me to see it. She looks so conflicted, as if there is a whole war going on in her eyes. It makes we want to wrap her up in my arms, but she usually has the expression when Mike is by her side or in the room. She can't think about him too much without thinking about me, it seems. I almost wish that she didn't like me. Just so long as she could be happy and at peace.
I was sitting at the front of the theater, thinking. I had surprisingly been the first person to arrive, so I was waiting for someone else to get there.
Obviously, I hoped it would be Eleven.
The second I thought that, she rounded the corner. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Until he came right behind her. I groaned, then smiled and waved like I was supposed to do. Mike gave me an annoying head nod, but El released her hand from Mike's and came running up to barrel me with a hug. I nearly fell over, as it was quite unexpected. She giggled, and I giggled along with her, my heart doing backflips at her touch.
"I had a sleepover. I'm so tired of him. Please save me," she whined dramatically. I laughed as she pulled away from the hug.
Mike has reached us now, and somehow Will has been thrown into the mix. El grabbed my hand, probably as a way to show Mike that she was hanging out with me now, and didn't want to hang out with him. I looked at her with an "I don't think this is ok" look, but she just flashed me a reassuring smile and gave my hand a little squeeze. Butterflies cascaded through my stomach. She pulled me wordlessly over to the wall I had been sitting on and we simultaneously sat on it, still waiting for the other two boys. Dustin was probably trying to figure out how many different ways he could sneak snacks in, and Lucas was probably there with him, saying something like, "Dustin, hurry up! You're gonna make us late!" I smiled at the thought.
I looked down at our hands and began making circles with my thumb on El's hand. She received a chill from my action, and another smile played at my lips. I wanted more then anything to pull her onto my lap and kiss her.
El leaned into my side, laying her head on my shoulder. It made my heart flutter, but I said, "El, we.. it's not fair for Mike... for me. To do this. What do you want?"
"I don't know, Maxie.. I really like you, but— can we even be together?" She asked, still leaning into me. I didn't have time to reply, because just then Lucas and Dustin road up. I stood up with El, and our hands broke apart.
We all walked towards the theater together, Eleven at my side. The boys were blabbing about something, and Mike complaining about one thing or another, but El and I walked tensely, our hands swinging side by side, threatening to touch.
After we bought as much popcorn and candy as our allowances could afford, we all walk into the theater to snag some seats. Of course, we sit in our usual seating arrangement— Will on the end, then following Mike, El, Me, Lucas and Dustin.
We cozy into our seats and begin tearing open our candy bars and inhaling popcorn at a mile a minute. It seems like we always run out of food before the actual movie even starts. I see Mike reach for and grab El's hand. She stiffens, and I wonder if Mike even notices. Lucas must have seen Mike's gesture, because he grabs my hand, too. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I was going to have to break up with him soon.
Mike and Will share a popcorn, along with me and Eleven and finally Dustin and Lucas. I was glad, because I, for one, didn't want Lucas' s disgusting, sweaty hands in my popcorn. El's hands were rather soft, and they smelt flowery. Our hands occasionally touched when we would both reach for popcorn at the same time, and every time it made butterflies flutter in my stomach.
Having Lucas' hand in mine was becoming more and more uncomfortable. It was getting sweatier by the second and it was a super weird position to go holding someone's hand. Eventually, I realized I still had another candy bar and used opening that as an excuse to let go.
El, on the other hand, now seemed almost completely comfortable. I was trying to decide whether she still liked him or whether she was just used to holding his hand by now, when the movie started. A couple quiet cheers shot up in the crowd, including one from Lucas. I cringed a little.
By now, we were out of popcorn and my very last candy bar was down to its final bite.
About halfway through the movie, I see Mike stretch over to Eleven and whisper something in her ear. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw fear flash through her eyes, although I can't be sure. She masks it with a small giggle, but I can tell that it's a fake one. Mike suddenly grabs her neck and begins to kiss her, but it looks more like he's eating her face to me. El doesn't look like she's enjoying the rough kiss in the least, but she goes along with him.
     Suddenly, jealousy and anger crush my chest so hard that it physically hurts. My heartbeat speeds up, adrenaline coursing through my veins, and my breathing gets slightly heavier and quicker. My stomach begins to boil and lurch, and just as I'm about to stand up and run to the bathroom, I hurl all the popcorn and candy that I've eaten in the past hour all over the floor and myself.
Shit.

What's up my dudes! Sorry you didn't get another chapter, I haven't had as much time to write and I don't want to get behind if I get writers block again. Thank you so much for almost one thousand views, that's so awesome! Also, sorry for the partial cliffhanger, I just had to. Don't worry, you'll be getting some cute Elmax action soon enough.

Also, what do you people think about the music for every chapter? Do you guys listen to it? Do you have any song suggestions? I'm running out of ideas. I would be happy to know your guys' opinions!

Word Count: 1401

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