Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 22 ~ Promise?

I jolted awake, being the victim of another nightmare. It was Neil again. This time, though, he hurt El. It wasn't me. And I couldn't even do anything. I was stuck, unable to move my feet. All I could do was scream in horror and watch as Neil attacked her.
I felt as if I was going to puke. Fat tears stung my eyes and cheeks, flooding my face.
My head sat between my knees, my hands running through my hair, pulling out strands here and there. I leaned forward, shaking, in an attempt to calm myself. It felt as if my whole world was crashing down on me. All because of one dream.
My mind began wandering, wondering what would become of me if something happened to El. Wondering how much guilt I would feel if Neil ever hurt Eleven in any way. Wondering what I would do. Wondering how I would survive.
I couldn't take it anymore. I was suppressing an anguished scream, not wanting to wake the devil himself, who was just across the hall. I was breathing hard. It felt as if I'd run a mile in 5 minutes. I buried my nails into the skin of my neck, trying still to hold back my screams. Feeling blood pool around my long, uneven nails, I bored into my neck harder, letting out a quiet whimper. To me, it felt as if the sound had been played from a huge speaker.
I got up off my bed, silently dashing for my door and down the stairs, skipping every other step. I bounded for the front door, struggling to find the knob in the darkness.
Once I was out, I looked around in a frenzy before taking off. I began to run, to where I didn't know. I just ran in the direction my feet took me, feeling as if something was chasing me. It felt like I had to escape. I had to get out. I had to go.
I soon realized that my feet were taking me to my crush's house. It was a bit far to run the full length, but I was operating on adrenaline. Therefore, I only sped up, stumbling through the pitch blackness of night.
In less then two minutes, I was there. Eleven. Without thinking, I dashed to her window and attempted to lift it open. Of course, as this was the Byers' house, it was locked. My eyes grew wide with an irrational fear, and I began loudly tapping on the brunette's window.
I saw her sit up straight, her eyes wide with fear. I continued to knock, calling her name.
The second she saw me, El was up and at her window. She opened it easily with her mind, then grabbing my arms to help me jump up and in.
Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her neck and engulfed her in a massive hug. I held her tightly(maybe a little too tightly), not wanting her to escape my grasp again. My heart was still pounding, partly from the adrenaline rush and partly from running the entire way to the Byers'. I breathed heavily in Eleven's arms, which were wrapped around my waist, holding me close. Tears continued to shower my face. I was unable to stop them.
I held her for quite a while, until my breathing had slowed, and she let me, not once attempting to pull away. When I finally pulled away and looked into her eyes, I could see confusion but mainly fear in them. I had to put all of my effort into keeping a loud sob from escaping my lips.
El lead me over to the bed, sitting. She grabbed my hands, and I squeezed them a little, a few more tears escaping my eyes. The brunette reached up to wipe them, before grabbing my hand again. "Max, are you ok? What happened?"
For some reason, I was afraid to tell her the truth. I couldn't lie to her, though, so I said with a light sob, "Nightmare." I felt her give my hands a reassuring squeeze.
"Whatever it was, it's ok now, ok? It was just a dream is all. You're right here with me, you're safe, alright?" Another quiet sob bursted out of me and Eleven pulled me into another hug, rubbing my back. "Do you want water? Or anything at all?" I only shrugged in response, not wanting to start bawling completely. "I'll take that as a 'yes,'" she began, reaching out again to wipe a tear and caress my cheek. "Do you want to come with me?" Although I really didn't want to be by myself or for her to be, I shook my head. I didn't want her to think that I was some weak baby who needed to be watched over. Maybe that's exactly what I am, I thought. As if she could read my mind, Eleven said, "I think you should come with me anyway. Everybody gets scared sometimes, Maxie."
She held one of my hands as we walked through the dark house and to the kitchen, where the brunette grabbed two glasses. She quietly turned the sink on and filled them before bringing me back to her room. She set one on her bedside table and handed one to me. I gave her a small, grateful smile and took a sip. Realizing how tired I was from the run, I took another swig, this one quite a bit longer. I began to reach over to put my glass next to El's, but she took it from me and set it there herself.
I so badly wanted to lay my head on her lap while she pet me, but I felt insecure and vulnerable about doing so, so I stayed put. She must have seen me looking at her lap, though, because she patted it, inviting me to lay there. I obliged, feeling already more comforted.
"Do you wanna tell me what the dream was about?" Eleven asked me, stroking my hair and back. I thought about shaking my head no, but decided not to lie to her.
"Neil... he... you-"
I was cut off by my own crying, to which El responded by mumbling, "Oh, Maxie," and rubbing my back and neck. That was when she found the crescent marks my fingernails had wielded. "Holy cow Max, what happened?" She ran her fingers gently over the cuts, sending a chill down my spine.
I gathered myself before speaking. "I did that... with my fingernails," I choked.
I could practically feel Eleven become upset. "But why?" This time she was the one who sounded as if she were about to break into tears. And confused. She sounded confused.
"I didn't.. I mean, I just... I did it to keep myself from falling off the edge." I didn't know if she'd understand the analogy, but she didn't ask, so I guessed that she did. I felt a small sob wrack her body and looked up to see a few singular tears rolling down her soft cheeks.
"Please don't, Maxie... don't hurt yourself," she replied, her voice shaking slightly. I put my eyes down in shame, thinking back to my cutting. The cutting still hadn't stopped. I decided not to respond; I knew I couldn't lie to her, and there was no way I would stop cutting, let alone stop my fingernails. Suddenly, Eleven grabbed my cheeks, holding my face so that I had to look her in the eyes. "Please. For you, for me, Maxie, please. You're beautiful and smart and you're... you're worth it, Max, you're worth everything. Please," her voice broke at the end. More tears began to paint my cheeks. I continued to look her in the eyes, but I knew, I just knew, that she was wrong. I knew that even though she wanted me to, even though I wanted to, I could never stop hurting myself. And even though I wanted to believe her, to believe that everything she said was right, I couldn't. I wasn't worth much to anyone except her at this point.
     As if seeing all of my thoughts in my eyes, Eleven pulled me into a hug. When she finally pulled away, she began, holding my face again, "You are worth it. You are so beautiful. You're smart and you're kind and what you're doing to yourself..." she was cut off by her tears once again, but quickly calmed herself. "It's not fair. Stop, Maxie, stop telling yourself that you're worthless, stop believing what people say. You're so much. Don't be blind to it," she finished, tears streaming steadily down her face.
I reached out to wipe them, and when I did, I spoke, "El, lovie, don't cry over me," I said, nervous after accidentally calling Eleven the pet-name. I noticed that she had tensed up a bit as I said it, but she quickly gathered herself.
"Max, I care about you so much. Of course I'm going to cry about you. I... I love you, Maxie, and nothing could ever change that. You know I would never lie to you," El spoke quietly, taking me aback with her words.
I wanted to ask her how she could love me, but I decided that probably wasn't the best response to El literally pouring her heart out to me. "Ellie, I— I love you too. More then you know. So much." I meant every word that came out of my mouth. If this wasn't love, I couldn't imagine what was. "I'll try."
Eleven looked confused. "You'll try what?" She questioned me.
     "I'll try to be better. I'll try to stop h-hurting myself."
"Max, no, you're good enough, you're perfect, I just don't-" she cut herself off as her voice broke, and I reached over to rub her back. "I can't lose you," she sputtered, trembling slightly, tears now streaming down her face.
I grabbed her face, gently yet firmly enough to make her look me in the eyes. "I won't leave you. Ever. Not willingly." With that, I engulfed her in a hug. She buried her face in the crook of my neck, causing me to smile weakly.
"Promise?" She mumbled, pulling away to look me in the eyes.
I smiled with a combination of solemn and reassurance. "Promise." With that, she enraptured me in another hug, allowing me to plant a soft kiss on her head.
     When she pulled away after a couple seconds, I briefly held her face in my hands, captured by her eyes and wiping away her tears with the soft pad of her thumb. She shot me an innocent smile, my insides responding by switching places.
"What was the dream about?"
The last thing I wanted to do was tell her what Neil was really like. I didn't want her to know how much he scared me, how I locked my bedroom door every night in fear he'd burst in drunk while I was sleeping, how if he ever found out I was gay he'd probably kill me or send me away, how I was afraid of him touching me each day I walked anywhere near him. "I don't want to talk about it," I said quietly, looking down at my hands in my lap.
I thought that would be enough for her, as it usually was, but I was proven wrong when she assured me, "Maxie, you can trust me. I would never judge you or do anything to hurt you. I just want to help."
"I'm afraid if you know-"
"What?" She interrupted, "Max, I won't leave you either, not willingly, I promise, oka-"
"It's Neil. That's what it is El, it's Neil." Before I could stop myself, I began to vent, unable to stop myself or control it. "Usually my nightmares are about him, and he beats me and yells at me and threatens to touch me, El.. but this time, it wasn't me, it was you, and I couldn't to get to you. I couldn't save you. I just had to sit there and watch as he did to you what he does to me. He- He wouldn't stop hitting you," my voice broke, but I quickly regained myself. I didn't want her to know about what he'd threateningly whisper in my ear, so I concluded simply, "It was the worst feeling I've ever felt." I paused for a moment, and feeling anger rise in myself, I started again, "Do you know why, El? Because that's how he is. That's why I hate him. Because he hurts me and my mom and he used to hurt Billy. If he found out," my voice cracked, thinking about what would happen if he ever knew I was gay. He would send me to conversion therapy or just "fix it" himself. Tears were now quickly falling down my face, and El immediately wrapped me in her arms.
"Maxie, my love, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"It's ok," I cut her off, assuring her. We sat there for a moment, hugging, until I spoke up. "Thank you."
     "For what?" Eleven asked.
"For being here for me and making me feel safe," I mumbled into her neck. Nor quietly, I added, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I don't know what I'd do either, freckles."

Last night I wrote 3 whole chapters of this book. It was a rollercoaster, I can tell you that.

My school is gonna start grading our work after spring break- God help me.

This book is literally going to be so long. When I finish all the chapters I might just upload all the rest to come all at once. Who knows? But yeah I currently have 2 months worth of chapters and I'm tempted to publish them all(but I won't because I'll get stressed out if I get writers block 😭).

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, and than you for all the votes, comments, and views and all that jazz! I love you guys!

Word Count: 2349

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