Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 29 ~ Group

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE

(Song doesn't really fit, but I've been looking for one for like 30 minutes and this is the best I could find.)

Saturday
     I woke up early that morning, completely eager to talk to Lucas. I was dying to hear from El. Then, I realized that my mom, like always, wouldn't be here until 12. And she's the one with my radio. Fuck.
     One of the nurses brought me breakfast. I thanked her as she went and dug into my food.
     I constantly glanced over at the clock. The minutes were ticking by more slowly than a snail. When I was finished with my breakfast, I looked over at the clock. 9:17. "Why does time move so slowwwwlyyyyyyyy," I groaned, pulling the sheets up over my head. After a couple seconds or so, I came out, my brows knitted together angrily. I crossed my arms, refusing to look at the clock.
Maybe five minutes passed like that until a lost my self control and glanced quickly over at the clock. 9:24. "Ahgg!" I let out, throwing my hands up in the air. I rolled over on my bed dramatically as my physical therapist walked in.
"Hey, Max. You look great," she joked, smiling. I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

Later
It was almost 12. Finally! Just then, Mrs. Thai, my therapist, entered my room. "What's up?" She greeted me, smiling.
"I just wanna talk to my friendddddddd," I whined, huffing. She stifled a laugh. "Hey, it isn't funny! I haven't seen her or talked to her in almost a month. What if she thinks I'm dead? What if she's really sad? What if she forgot about me? What if-"
"Woah there, slow your roll, tiger," Mrs. Thai interrupted. "Today we're gonna try something... different."
"Different how?" I asked, nervous.
"You're gonna try group today."
"The hell is that?" Group? That sounds like a nightmare.
She chuckled. "It's like what we do here, talk, but with other kids with similar... experiences to yours."
"Wow, that sounds just peachy," I stated flatly. Mrs. Thai laughed again.
"Cmonnnnnn, just try itttttt," she enthused, nudging me with her elbow.
"Ughh, fine," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Wait, right now?" I questioned her, a thought having just dawned upon me. She nodded. "No! My mom'll be here soon, and I really wanna talk to my friends! I need to talk to my friends."
"Sorry kiddo, group starts in 5. It's only an hour long. I have faith in you." I groaned, standing. Mrs. Thai escorted me into a relatively large room, maybe twice the size of mine, with a circle of chairs in the center. There were a few kids seated already. "Sit wherever you like," Mrs. Thai urged me. I sat on a chair where there was nobody seated next to me and slouched in my chair. I didn't trust kids.
A couple minutes later, the circle was pretty much filled. A boy probably around my age with brown hair and dark eyes sat on my right, but no one was to my left. A woman a little older then Mrs. Thai walked into the center of the circle. "Alright guys, we'll do a little group collaboration in a few, but for now, I want you to get to know some of the people around you. And remember, this is a safe space! No bullying or teasing of any kind will be tolerated. Have at it!" She was too cheery for my taste. Even though the whole thing about this being a "safe space" did make me feel a little bit better, I didn't let it show. I crossed my arms defensively as the boy chatted a bit with the girl on his right. I won't lie, she was pretty; her hair was dirty blonde and wavy and cut just above her shoulders. She had the clearest green eyes I'd ever seen, but I didn't think she'd ever meet El's beauty. Hell, she wasn't even close. I might've been a tad bit biased to that though.
Just then, the boy turned to me. "Hey. You're new here, huh? I'm Cameron," he greeted, holding out his fist for a fist bump. I obliged, returning the gesture and sitting up in my chair a bit, folding my hands in my lap. "Oh, and this is Violet," he added as Violet and I fist bumped as well. This is already weird. "We've been friends since Elementary School. Who would've guessed we'd end up in the Mental Hospital together?" He joked. I smiled. Ok, maybe I liked this kid.
"Yeah, I mean I hope none of my friends show up here," I began, "even if I really do wanna see them. Anyway, I'm Max."
"Your friends haven't visited you?" He asked.
"Nope. My dumb ass mom won't allow it," I sighed.
"Ah. Stupid parents. I can relate to that," Violet laughed. "Luckily my only friend is right here with me," she smiled. Yup, definitely like these people.
"Are you implying that I'm not your friend?" I teased.
"No, I just meant-"
"Don't worry about it, I was just joking," I stopped her, holding in a laugh. Unable to help myself, I muttered, "you don't have to like me." Just as she opened her mouth the deny that, I began laughing and raised my hands in the air. "Kidding!" I exclaimed, Cameron laughing along with me. Violet rolled her eyes and Cameron slapped her playfully on the arm, causing her to yelp dramatically and pull away. I could tell she was trying not to laugh as well. "Hey, are you guys dating?" I asked as our laughter died down, curious. Violet's eyes went wide.
Cameron spoke first. "No, we-"
Violet cut him off. "Oh, no! I don't like boys much. Especially not boys like Cameron," she joked. He slapped her again. "Yeah, he's like my brother."
"Wait.. did you just say you don't like guys?" I raised my eyebrows. Fellow homosexual?
"Fuck, did I tell someone I shouldn't have-"
"No, definitely not! I- I mean, I don't, um, ya know, like boys either. At all." Violet laughed.
"I usually refer to myself as bi, but I dunno, I might just be a full-blown lesbian," she chuckled.
"I also refer to myself as bi, but I don't think I'm a lesbian," Cameron joked. I laughed again. Damn, this is going well. "Just kidding, I'm straight. Wait, does that make me a lesbian?" I literally cackled.
Ignoring Cameron, I spoke, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian too. I dated a guy friend once, and it was nothing like what I feel for this other girl." Fuck, did I really just tell them that? What is wrong with me?
     "Oooooo, and who would that be?" Cameron questioned me, wiggling his eyebrows. Violet stifled a laugh and mumbled "dork" under her breath. Cameron ignored her.
     "U-Um, her name's, uh, E-El," I quickly picked back up, "but you can't say a word. I haven't told that to anyone ever, other then her, and my mom already thinks I'm gay for her, even though all we did was hold hands-"
     "Ooooooooo!" Cameron and Violet squeal together. I rolled my eyes playfully.
     "But please, don't tell my mom or anyone, or she'll send me to some camp."
     "Is that why you're here in the first place? Did she think the doctors would fix it?" Violet asked, slightly bewildered and trying not to laugh.
     "N-No, n-not exactly..." I trailed off, looking at the floor.
     "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
     "No, it's ok, you couldn't have known," I assured her, looking back up and smiling weakly.
     "I tried to kill myself. For the second time," she rambled, trying at anything to make me not feel bad.
     "Really?" She nodded. "Well, you seem pretty awesome, so I'm really glad you failed." That made her laugh.
     "She's got a point," Cameron agreed. "I have bipolar disorder, so when I have depressive episodes my mom takes me here, so... I've been here a couple times, you could say. Not at all what you'd expect from a mental hospital." Violet and I nodded in agreement.
     "Yeah, I mean, I didn't expect to end up here, so I wasn't afraid or anything... I tried to kill myself, too. Something happened and I just... snapped," I vented. It felt good, even though I talked with Mrs. Thai too. Violet and Cameron both nodded
     "I get that," Violet said. "And, for the record, I'm pretty glad you failed too."
     "Same here," Cameron added. I smiled gratefully.
     "Good thing I'm a failure," I joked.
     "Usually I'd argue and say that you aren't a failure, but in this case I'm really fucking glad you screwed up." I laughed.
     "Alrighty, time to start group time!" The lady from earlier boomed, smiling much too wide and interrupting our fun. While the lady continued to talk, Cameron whispered his and Violet's room number in my ear. I told him mine and he gave me a thumbs up.

After Group
     I ran ahead of Mrs. Thai on the way back to my room, desperate to speak to Lucas. Group wasn't half bad; I made friends that I could relate to, and on top of that, none of the kids seemed like jerks. Why do the movies portray this so differently? I wondered.
     I bursted into my room to find my mom seated on the arm chair, asleep. Obviously, I was perfectly mobile now. All I worked on now was "strengthening my abdominal muscles" so I could do sit-ups and such without pain. I scanned the room, searching for the walkie talkie. I saw it sitting on the windowsill and bolted to it, wincing a little at the pain but being too excited to stop. Maybe I can talk to El herself, I thought. Susan was asleep.
     After a bit of careful thinking, I decided against it. Everything in me wanted to hear her voice, but I knew my mom wasn't the heaviest sleeper, and if she woke up she probably wouldn't even bring the walkie back. I definitely wouldn't be able to talk to El then.
     Turning on the walkie, I tuned to Lucas' signal and held down the side button. "Hey Lucas, you there? Over." I waited patiently, pacing around the room. After I didn't get a reply for maybe 30 seconds, I went to press down the side button again. The crackling of the walkie stopped me.
     "Hey Max! What's up? Over," Lucas' voice sounded from the machine. I squealed, bouncing up and down.
     "I did this super weird group meeting today! I have friends now. Over," I gushed, wanting desperately to get to the point, but not wanting to anger him.
     "Group thing? Like with kids? Were they creepy? Over."
     "Nope! Not at all. Everyone seemed super nice. The movies are so wrong about all of this. Over," I replied.
     "Really? Wow! That's weird. Over." I waited for him to say something else, but he didn't.
     "Um, how about you? What's up, I mean. Over." You can do it Max, just don't rush into it, you're doing great.
     "Oh, um, not much. I went to the arcade earlier with El and the guys. Over," he answered.
     "Damn, I miss that arcade. Over." When he didn't reply, I started again, "So..."
     "So..." he mirrored. I rolled my eyes.
     "El- I mean, Elliot! What did Elliot say? I've been dying to hear from her-him all week!" I just know that Lucas laughed at my attempt to refer to El as Elliot.
"Oh, yeah! Elliot says that sh-he really misses you, too. And he wants to know if you're ok. He's really worried about you; he hasn't been himself lately. I can always see the gears turning in her-his, oh my god, in his head. He hasn't been as happy. Oh, and he said that he loves you too. She- god dammit, he, loves you a lot. And he wants to know why you did it. Over." I felt sad, but had to laugh at all Lucas' failed attempts to call her a he.
     "Thank god my mom is asleep. Over."
     "Yeah," he laughed, "amen to that. Over."
     "Well, um.. just, tell her- fuck! We really suck. Tell Elliot that I'm doing ok and I'll explain everything once I get out of here. Over."
     "Oh yeah, and he wants to know when he can see you? Oh, and why didn't you wanna see him, him, when he came to visit you in the first week? Over."
     "What?!" I exclaimed. "Um, I never said that. All I wanna do is see her! Shit, I mean— just forget it. My mom won't let him visit. Or anyone else, for that matter. But especially not him. Because she doesn't want me to, um, see him. Just say that to him. Over." Susan is such an ass.
     "What's that supposed to mean? Over," he asked, sounding confused.
     "I- don't worry about it, it doesn't matter! Over."
     "Friends don't lie. Over," he pushed, sounding curious.
     "I'm not lying, I'm just... withholding the truth. Over."
     "Ugh, fiiiiine. I've gotta go, but talk later? Over."
     "Yeah, sure. Just tell Elliot as soon-"
     "Yeah yeah, I'll tell Elliot right when I see him." Then he mumbled something I couldn't understand, but his tone of voice suggested that he'd jokingly said something similar to "jeez, what about me?"
     "What did you say? Over."
     "Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter!" He mocked me.
     "Fuck you," I replied jokingly.
     "I thought you didn't wanna fuck me?"
     "Ewwww, Lucas! Oh my god. I'm turning this thing off. Over and out," I exclaimed, turning off the walkie and throwing it onto the end of the bed. I laid back and stared up at the ceiling, smiling to myself despite Lucas' disgusting comment.

As always, I love you all so much! I'm ngl here, I don't really know where I'd be in this whole quarantine without y'all to keep me sane. I'm not even exaggerating. love uuuuuuuu 💕💕

word count: 2485

-eight(who is literally getting sappier every chapter, but we kinda love it ngl)