avengers imagines

not enough || steve rogers

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING; MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT⚠️
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING; MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT⚠️
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING; MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT⚠️
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING; MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT⚠️

it's always peggy. no matter what, no matter how hard i try, it's always her. she's moved on, and he's still in love with her.

i was never enough for steve, you see, i'd always try my hardest for him. i wanted to be good enough for him, for him to stay. but he didn't. he left me. because he's still in love with peggy, even after she's passed.

love is love?

everyday, every night, i lay in bed thinking about steve. what if i was good enough. we would still be together. he wouldn't be my then, he'd be my now.

and everyday i think about how much happier he made me. we only dated for 9 months, but that's the happiest i've ever been in my entire life. and the moment he broke up with me- the moment he left me, he took all of my happiness with him. leaving me feeling nothing but broken and emptiness.

yeah, sometimes i want to call him. or text him. or just knock on the door of his bedroom since we live in the same building, but no, i can't. he wouldn't even want to see me. why would he? he left me for a reason.

i wasn't enough.

and that's what i told myself everyday. you're not good enough for steve- for anyone. and it hurts, but deep down, you know it's the truth.

steve probably thought the same. she's not peggy, she's not enough. i couldn't blame him, though. by the way he talks about her, the way his eyes light up whenever he does, i knew he still loved her. but i loved him too much to do anything. it didn't matter anyway, we both knew the end was to come.

i just didn't expect it to be on my birthday.

flashback ~
"hey babe!" i said in my dress whilst walking over to steve who had yet to get ready. "c- can we talk?" he asked nervously. "sure, what's up? you're scaring me.." you half joked. he grabbed your hand, slowly brushing over your fingers with his.

"steve..?" he cleared his throat. "yeah, sorry.. it's just..," he started, stuttering a whole bunch. you've never seen him like this. ever. "steve." you said, a bit more stern.

"i don't think we're meant to be.." he said, causing your heart to drop. you pulled your arm away from his. "w- what..?" "i'm sorry.." he said with tears in his eyes. "i- i don't think we should be together. i'm still in love with peggy.. i always have been. you deserve someone better.. i'm sorry y/n." he said, getting up and leaving. leaving your room, your life.

on. your. birthday.

it hurt the most that he didn't even let you have one more good memory with him. it's like your birthday will be haunted for the rest of your life. you'll have trust issues. you can never open up, you shoot down everyone who tries to approach you, everyone who tries to flirt with you.. why? for what? he doesn't love you anymore, why can't you just accpet that?

maybe.. maybe you'll accept that he doesn't love you when he accepts that peggy doesn't love him.

peggy may be the love of his life, but he's not the love of hers. steve is the love of my life, but i'm not the love of his. it's like a love triangle, almost.

you were disappointed, too. disappointed that steve would ever do such a thing. you felt like he used you, to try and forget about peggy. obviously, it didn't work.

you were most disappointed in yourself. maybe if you were prettier, or smarter, he'd love you. i've heard that he's been seeing someone. sharon, i think her name is. he has found someone good enough. it felt like a stab in the heart.