j* Movie Reviews 2019

The Road To Paloma (2014)

I think this must be one of the most Momoa-Momoa-movies there is.

Writer: Jason Momoa

Director: Jason Momoa

Producer: Jason Momoa

Star: Jason Momoa

Hot Chick: Jason Momoa's real life wife.

So it should be one of the most reflective things of "essence of Momoa" there is. The story taps his native American heritage and here he plays a guy who leaves the reservation to viciously avenge his mother's rape and murder. We don't see any of this, but it's talked about, and basically the whole movie is Momoa on a motorbike on the run from the law. But not the tribal lawmen, who are mostly okay with his vigilante actions as a statement against the system that's screwing them over.

Anyway, basically Momoa rides his motorbike along dusty roads in a vest or singlet, no helmet, long flowing hair long and flowing. Then from time to time he stops, makes friends or is joyously greeted by existing family and friends who are pretty much all "OMG Momoa is back and he's hugging me - this is the best day of my life!" He's this super sensitive son/brother/uncle/legend/cousin/ much loved vigilante on the run.

He also meets this chick with a broken down car and super rad hair - played by his wife Lisa Bonet. I feel the need here to point out that Lisa's imdb biography is filled with boring facts about her relationship with Lenny Kravitz and some yoga instructor, but completely fails to mention she's married to Momoa - apart from just a singular tag at the very bottom. I don't know who's responsible for this, but I just feel you'd probably want to bump that up - no offence Lenny. Anyway, rad hair, sexy times, back on the motorbike.

It is a good movie for hair overall, because Momoa is accompanied on his motorbike by his motorbiking friend, who also has some nice flowy hair. That guy's a bit of a douche, but I think he's there to show us how lovely Momoa is, with all his hugging, and kid rescuing, and crime avenging along the way. It's probably also worth mentioning that the reason he's on this epic motorbike journey is so he can scatter his murdered Mum's ashes in a sacred lake. But the law is endlessly chasing him down. One of the law guys is pretty funny, being a little bit like a more mid-Western (?) version of Deeks from NCIS:LA, the other one is a silent arsehole.

It's a very pretty movie... lots of moody landscape shots, plenty of Momoa in shot, some quite impressive man-standing in various scenic and junkyard type locations, a few good fights. Has some very colourful and complicated lens flare. But it's pretty slow. It's a bit like a roadtrip diary, with a lot of "dear diary, today I rode my motorbike."

This has been the hardest film to whole-star so far this year... I agonised for ages before committing because I really wanted to give a halfie on this one.

J* gives it 3 stars.

PS. It's a WWE movie, if that interests anyone. Kinda does come through in some of the fight scenes.