j* Movie Reviews 2019

Zombieland (2009)

Confirming my prior hypothesis that nothing ever happens in zombie films.

So the other day in cinema we saw and epic trailer for an epic looking zombie-movie, Zombieland 2: Double Tap. And I'm all "Yeah, I feel people are always telling me to watch Zombieland and I never have cause, well, zombie-movies suck." But the sequel trailer looked rad, and the 2009 trailer looked rad. And I'm always keen for an exception to a rule.

This started so strong. The characters are great. There is a lot of gratuitous slo-mo at the start, which I love. There were some really cool things done with text on screen, which I also love. Narration to text doing cool things - nice. But then, despite all the good characters and cool effects, it just turned out it's still just another standard zombie film.

The point where the girls write "help" on the black car then steal the yellow car - that was the point where I really knew nothing was gonna happen in this film and nothing did, aside from an awkward teeny romance.

But I gave it a shot, and I'll probably even do the Double Tap.... Just in case it's a second album situation.

J* gives it 2 stars.

PS. There's like a big thing here to be written about they dynamics of zombies vs other frequent beasts. But after a lengthy discussion, I've realised for me zombies never have any stakes... they're like an empty computer-game type adversary. They're not alive, so there is no moral quandry about their death, they're never really doing anything but basic living even though they're dead. They're just so low grade. For me it's like a movie about fighting cardboard cut outs.

PPS - I was just wondering if I've ever liked a zombie movie, and apparently earlier in the year I did give Scouts Guide To the Zombie Apocalypse 4 stars. So I guess it's possible.