eccentric 》 muke | cashton

nineteen《 luke

My mum likes to bake. We always have cookies or cakes in the house, I'm surprised we're not all diabetic. My mum also likes baking for other people and it's cool unless she cooks for the pastor of our local church.

I haven't been there in two years.

I used to love that church and the youth group. I'd attend it every Wednesday and even go to youth camps. I had a lot of friends and everyone was really nice, I was also close to the youth pastor and he knew all about my insomnia.

That is until two years ago when I found out I was bisexual. I knew that they don't aprove of gay people and I figured since I'm only bi then maybe they'll be okay with it but damn I was wrong.

So I haven't been back but here I am riding with my mum to bring chocolate cake to the pastor. I couldn't help but tap my foot nervously.

"It's okay babe..." My mum said, patting my knee.

I sighed and stared out the window. When we got there it was flooded with cars and people.

"Whats going on?" I asked.

Mum furrowed her eyebrows as she parked.

"Maybe a funeral..?" She guessed.

It could possible be a funeral, everyone was wearing black. We walked up to the front entrance stopping my a table with a womans picture.

"In loving memory of Anne Marie Irwin." She read.

My breath hitched. I could of sworn Ashtons last name was Irwin. We walked further down I saw more pictures of the woman and there he was, right next to her his bright smile and dimples.

This is so sad oh my gosh. Ashton seems so fragile and shy and I can't imagine how broken he is right now.

"Maybe we should leave." I told my mum.

She frowned at the pictures but shook her head, "No it'll be fine we're only gunna be here for a sec."

I swallowed hard and followed her into the church and walked behind her.

I don't like funerals they scare me and I just don't like them.

"Liz, how are you?" A lady with red rimmed eyes said to my mum.

"Angie, hi. What's going on?" She asked.

Wasn't it obvious.

"Anne Irwin died a few days ago. She committed suicide." She said, saying the last part in a low voice.

Mum covered her mouth with her hand. I started getting that nervous shaky feeling when I'm about to cry so I excused myself and walked to the bathroom.

As I opened the door it hit something, a quiet ow escaping.

"I am so so so sorry." I said to whoever was on the other side of the door.

A small figure came from behind the door, wearing a black sweater.

"Oh... Ashton uh..." I said awkwardly.

"It's fine." He said, sniffling a bit.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He nodded quickly, "Yep just got a cold it'll go away-"

"I know about your mum." I said.

He froze, his eyes watering a bit. He looked down let out a small breath.

"I'm so stupid." He said in a shaky breath.

"Huh- why?"

"It's all my fault." He said a tear threatening to fall.

"How?" I asked, feeling a bit shaky.

"M-My disorder. She was unhappy because of me. She wanted a normal son who she could hug and kiss all the time not just whenever I told her she could." He said starting to sob a bit, "Luke's it's all my fault and- and I hate myself."

I frowned at him, feeling a lump in my throat. He stood there trying to wipe his eyes with his fingers.

"Don't say that, it's not true." I told him.

He just cried harder.

I wanted to give him a hug but I knew he wouldn't like it. He doesn't want to be touched.

"I gotta go." He mumbled, walking past me and out the door.

I stood alone for a second, processing everything. His mum wouldn't do that. I'm sure she loved him and if she did she'd except him either way.

I walked out of the bathroom my mum smiling at me.

"I'll wait in the car."