CODA

Fifteen

⚠️ TW// mild ⚠️

"Hey, it's my girl." Calum grins as he swings the door open, letting Carter into the house.

"Your girl huh?" She grins, toeing off her shoes.

"Ya, you're mine aren't you?" Calum shrugs.

"Other than my own." She nods, tiptoeing up to peck his lips.

"Good, I have something I want to show you. But before that, I have a heavy question." She frowns at the fear in his eyes.

"What is it, Cal?" She reaches up to brush the tension from his forehead.

"Will you tell me what happened? What made you write River of Tears? I'm coming up with all these completely awful scenarios in my head and it's killing me. Trying to figure out how someone could hurt you, and trying to figure out how badly they did." He sighs, pulling her waist until he can wrap his arms around her.

"It's not like he physically hurt me." She sighs, nodding softly though.

"He still hurt you, Car, and I hate that." Calum sighs, pulling her through the house.

"Is Roy home? I kind of would rather this story stay private."

"We can go to my room. He'll leave us alone there." Calum smiles, changing directions heading for the stairs instead of the couch.

"Thanks." She mumbles, following him up the stairs.

"So who is this Zach guy?" Calum asks once they are cuddled in his bed, brushing her hair back.

"My last boyfriend. We were together for a little over a year. He was the first person I ever fell in love with. He seemed perfect. I met him through my dad actually. He's a biology professor at Gallaudet University, my dad not Zach. Zach was a biology major and in his classes. In the spring semester of 2018, almost two years ago I dropped in, wanting to visit dad while I was in DC for the day and have lunch with him. Zach was there asking dad about something from the lecture when I showed up. He was tall, well put together, dark hair always styled in a messy sort of way that looked good on him. Dad introduced us because why not right, it would have been more awkward not to. Well, the next time I visited dad on campus Zach asked for my number. He was cute, dad liked him as a student, and he was age appropriate. Plus dad liked that he was deaf, like bonus points or something." She chuckles. "So I gave him a chance. It wasn't instantaneous, we struggled for a bit. The language barrier actually was a point of conflict for us. I'd grown up with a deaf dad and living in the Deaf Community but he got annoyed if I turned when something loud happened, because my hearing was stopping me from focusing on our date or our conversation or whatever it was. We figured that out after a bit, or so I thought, he stopped bugging me about it at least, after a few months. And then it really seemed perfect, he bought me flowers, would send notes and letters to me in the mail. And then Delanee was at the University one day last year in May visiting her mom who works there too. She saw Zach with his arms around another girl. She took a photo and sent it to me, and I confronted him about it. He made up excuses about it just being a hug, about how insecure I must be to not trust him, etcetera. At the time I had no reason not to believe it was a misunderstanding, but over the summer last year things were just off with us again. He was snappy with me, and vague, and he would sort of answer things in a round about way when I asked. I think inside I knew he was cheating, but I kept telling myself I was just being paranoid. It was a dark time, I was fading into a depressed state from it. Knowing but not accepting that the guy I fell in love with was just a lie, a front, an act. Finally my dad caught him on campus, kissing another girl. He dragged his ass all the way back to our house right then and there. He shoved Zach through the front door demanding him to come clean, to tell me what happened and why he was there. He told me the whole truth, how long it had been happening and I found out it was all a lie. He then precedes to tell me, with my dad as witness, that he was never really interested in me after our issues with the hearing thing. That he had faked the whole relationship after that point to stay on my dad's good side so it might help his grades stay up. He never wanted to date a hearing girl, he had his other girls on the side, but kept me happy and distracted with flowers and love notes so I wouldn't notice. I fell in love with someone who wasn't even real, and it broke me. I mourned for the Zach that I had known, the fake one who wooed me until I loved him, and then I wrote River of Tears. And I meant it, the bridge of the song where it says 'Cry me a river, build myself a bridge I'm over this, can't let memories become the death of me I'm glad to see everything that you are And I believe that you are everything I needed But I don't need no more' writing that part, it was so freeing. Being able to admit that I didn't need his love that I could be okay, that I could move on from being used like that. But Cal, I'm terrified of how fast I'm falling for you, I'm terrified that something like that will happen again, and you don't deserve my lack of trust, but I can't help it. After being so sure with him, only to find out it was all a lie..."