feelings | cranksepticeye

6 - something doesn't feel right

the end of the day had finally arrived. it seemed to have lasted for years. school was the exact same as it was before the break: boring, boring and even more boring. the only exciting thing that had happened on that day was ethan joining, and that was it. at least one good thing had happened on their first day back.

seán was outside with ethan and felix. he was showing ethan where to meet him before school, as he would get there earlier than seán and his friends.

"we're usually standing by that hedge over there. if we're not there you might as well go to form because we might be there instead." seán explained and ethan nodded. he thanked him for sharing the information. seán smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"no problem. i guess i'll see you tomorrow." ethan smiled and nodded, actually feeling slightly excited by that.

"yeah. i guess so." seán and felix began walking away. they all shared farewells with each other. when the couple were far away from the new boy, they instantly began to talk.

"he seems nice. i understand what you mean when you said he was shy." felix said. seán nodded and widened his eyes.

"if you think he was bad when you guys met him try to imagine how awkward it was when i first started showing him around. every time i asked him something he either moved his head or gave me a short answer." seán felt sympathy for ethan. he couldn't imagine being that shy and awkward. seán had always been quite an outgoing and extroverted person. he assumed that ethan was probably picked on for his awkwardness at his old school.

"it's quite sad really...i wonder why he's like that.." felix said, partly to himself.

"you wanna ask him?" seán said jokingly. felix chuckled and elbowed his boyfriend playfully.

"i'll pass." as the two walked to felix's house., they talked and laughed together, more than they had done in the entire day. seán felt a little bit guilty because of the things he was thinking about ethan when he first saw him. but as he was walking with felix, he was convinced that those thoughts meant nothing. almost.

they finally got to felix's house. seán had noticed how there were no cars in the driveway, and decided to point it out after his boyfriend had locked the door and the two were making their way to felix's bedroom.

"are your parents home?" seán asked. felix turned around and smiled, opening his bedroom door.

"nope. and you know what that means." felix smirked and put his hands on seán's waist. normally, seán would like this and play along...but on that day, it felt weird.

"we can throw a party." seán said jokingly, trying to change felix's way of thinking. but of course, it didn't work. the taller boy rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"no silly. you know what it means. you're just trying to wind me up." seán shrugged his shoulders and laughed, before he felt his lips connect with his boyfriends. when he kissed back, his heart began to race, but for all the wrong reasons.

it didn't feel right.

seán deduced that it was probably because he hadn't seen his boyfriend in a while and they hadn't kissed or done anything like that in weeks. but in his heart, he knew it was something more than that. he just didn't know what it was.

they kissed for a little longer, felix feeling all of the thrill and the excitement, but seán feeling nothing. he knew he had to stop. he knew he couldn't carry on anymore. something was wrong with him. something was incredibly wrong.

seán tried to pull away, with the first couple of attempts failing. but the third one worked, and he managed to put a stop to the kiss that probably would have resulted in something more if he let it continue.

"what? is something wrong?" felix asked straight away.

"no..i just...i don't even know.." seán muttered before collapsing onto felix's bed and putting his hands over his head. he felt the bed sink lower, meaning felix was now sat next to him.

"what's wrong? you can tell me." felix said reassuringly, rubbing his arm up and down his boyfriends arm soothingly. seán sighed and sat up, looking his boyfriend in the eyes.

"i just feel...weird. and i don't know why." felix didn't even question it. he just nodded.

"i had a feeling you would react that way...i totally get it though. we haven't seen each other in weeks, and today was the first day back at school, you're probably stressed out from that too. so it's alright." seán nodded and thanked felix, taking his hand and placing it in his own.

felix was right. he had to be. there'd be no other reason as to why seán felt so weird. it was the only reasonable explanation. right?