feelings | cranksepticeye

12 - the party

it was saturday: the day of the party.

on that day and on the couple of days leading up to the event, ethan had had second thoughts about going. every time he thought about going he became less and less convinced that he actually wanted to. the only thing that was making him want to go was to bond a little more with his friends (who he wasn't even sure were his friends), and to be with seán.

ethan told himself that parties weren't his thing, that he would just make it awkward and unenjoyable for everybody else, so it would be better if he just stayed at home. but then he thoughts about what seán told him in the cafeteria; and instantly, his mind was changed. he had to go to the party. he couldn't go against what seán had said.

he started getting ready hours before he actually had to leave. when his mom asked where he was going, he told her he was just going to be spending some time at his friends house with a couple of other people. he had to
promise her he wouldn't smoke, take any drugs, drink any alcohol, do anything dangerous, or engage in any sort of sexual activity. he knew he wouldn't do any of that stuff at the party anyway. he was too innocent and scared to do that.

there was something else he had completely forgotten about, that when he thought about it, his heart began to race. on the last school day of that week, mark had arranged for everybody to go to his house after the party to stay the night as his parents weren't home and wouldn't be coming back until the morning after. this meant nobody could get in trouble with their parents for coming home drunk.

he hadn't stayed at anybody's house for years, and he had only done it twice. he was pretty scared about it, considering that he hadn't really known mark or any of the guys for that long. the only one he was pretty much entirely comfortable talking to was seán. but just like before, when ethan thought of him, all of his worry melted away and none of the negatives mattered anymore.

ethan packed his bag of stuff to take to mark's place. there wasn't much in there, it was only a small bag. he looked at the time: 7:30pm. it was time to leave soon. he planned on walking there, as it was only a 15 minute walk. he was praying that the guys would be there before him waiting for him outside, so that he didn't arrive and ended up having to be awkward and wait around for them.

ethan went downstairs at about 7:50 and put on his shoes and jacket. he said goodbye to his mom and stepped outside, the cold, fresh air hitting his face gently. he had the address up on his phone, he just had to follow the directions it was giving him. he began walking, following the sat nav. it took him a little bit longer than 15 minutes as he had to walk slower to make sure he didn't bump into anybody as he was staring at his phone, but it only took about 5 minutes longer.

eventually, he arrived at the house. it was a very big house. he knew he was in the rich area of the neighbourhood. and thankfully, every single one of his new friends were stood by the entrance to the building, waiting for the anxious boy. the fact that they had waited for him made his smile and he felt a little bit of relief. he walked over to them. as soon as they saw him they all beamed at him.

"hey dude! we were starting to think you weren't coming, we got a little scared." tyler said, patting ethan on the back. the boy smiled, not really knowing what to say.

"well, i'm here now." is all he replied with. that's when he saw seán. oddly, he wasn't standing by felix. he normally always did whenever they were all together. that's when ethan realised that felix wasn't even there.

"where's felix?" he asked, wondering if it had something to do with his and seán's situation.

"oh...he decided not to come." tyler answered.

"how come?" everyone looked at each other, as if they weren't sure how to respond. finally, seán sighed, and eventually spoke up.

"me and him had a small argument. we're not fighting anymore but some things were said and now he feels too awkward to come and spend a night with us so he's not coming." with every word he spoke, he got more and more aggravated.

"oh..i'm sorry about that.." ethan apologised, even though it kind of brought a smile to his face.

"no, no, it's fine. let's just forget about it and have some fucking fun while we're here." seán smiled and the boys all entered the house. there were a fuck ton of people in there, either smoking or drinking alcohol. there was no in between. seán led everybody to the kitchen, where there were a couple of kegs filled with beer. bob got a bunch of plastic cups and started filling them all up, handing them out to everybody in the group. eventually he got to the final cup, which he put in front of ethan's face.

"uh..thanks, but i don't drink.." bob raised an eyebrow and continued to hold out the drink.

"come on dude, it's a party. liven up! you'll like it! plus, there's literally nothing else to drink." ethan looked at the floor, then at bob, then at the alcoholic beverage in front of him, then all of the guys with their own drinks in their hands staring at him. he had never drank alcohol in his life. he was still a teenager, and it didn't feel right to him. but he was at a high school party. and he did want to impress the others. so, without thinking any more about it, ethan took the cup and put it to his lips, taking a small sip.

"so? what do you think?" mark asked when ethan was done with his taste test. ethan nodded and gave everyone a weak smile.

"it's actually not that bad...but after this one, i'm not having anymore."