feelings | cranksepticeye

10 - i'm sorry

another long, tiring, boring school day had come to an end, and seán and felix were spending the rest of their evening cuddling on felix's bed. they had been like that for about half an hour, enjoying each other's company, cherishing each other's presence. the boys were content and calm. seán was on the verge of falling asleep, he was pretty comfortable. he felt himself drifting off as he closed his eyes, but that all ended when he felt a pair of warm lips against his neck.

he immediately widened his eyes, realising that felix was kissing his neck and was now connecting his own lips with seán's. his eyes were closed again, but not for long, for he found no enjoyment in the kiss. he felt nothing. no spark, no electricity, no thrill. just plain nothingness.

seán pulled away, looking away from felix, feeling too ashamed to make eye contact with him.

"what's wrong?" felix asked. the other boy didn't reply and stayed in silence. felix sighed, realising what this was all about.

"is this about the thing again?" he asked, knowing all too well what the answer would be.

"yeah...oh god, i'm so fucking sorry...i don't know what's wrong with me..." the boy feels like he's on the verge of crying. he knows he's disappointing and probably upsetting his boyfriend. but it just feels weird kissing him, and he didn't know why.

"no, no...it's fine. it's nothing to worry about." felix reassured seán, despite him feeling a little bit concerned. he began to suspect things that he really hoped weren't true. if they were, his word would become a lot more miserable.

"ok..." seán replied with despair in his voice. they tried again: kissing. but again, it didn't work, and seán ended up pulling away from it. felix watched as his boyfriend stood up and grabbed his bag. he noticed tears starting to run down his face, and his cheeks were turning rosy red. watching seán get like this really tugged at felix's heart strings.

"i'm s-sorry..." seán stuttered, making his way over to the bedroom door.

"seán, wait-" but before felix could say anything else, seán had left the room and slammed the door shut behind him.