feelings | cranksepticeye

28 - it's been 2 weeks

sean turned to face the boy who had just entered his room. ethan slowly shut the door behind him as the two made eye contact with each other. seeing him then and there made ethan feel bad. he felt bad that sean was in this position. he felt bad that he hadn't visited sooner.

it had only been two weeks since ethan had seen sean last, but he'd changed. he looked like a different person. he had large bags under his eyes, black circles that suggested the boy hadn't slept in a while. along with that his eyes were bloodshot red and puffy. he looked like he'd been crying recently. his hair was unkept and greasy, like he hadn't brushed it or had a shower for days. he looked skinnier too and judging by the full plates of food just scattered across his bedroom floor, ethan guessed that sean hadn't been eating. this was bad. this was really bad.

"you look..." ethan started, realising it probably wasn't best for him to start a conversation on sean's appearance.

"terrible. i know." sean continued, looking down at the floor. his voice was raspy and cracked a little as he spoke. he'd definitely been crying. ethan's heart broke a little when he thought about it.

"i was gonna say exhausted..." ethan pointed out as he shook his head in disagreement. there was a very small, yet very awkward silence.

"why are you here?" sean asked, sounding agitated. 

"i came to see if you were okay." ethan answered.

"right. do i look okay?" sean asked. ethan slowly shook his head. 

"there you go then. you came, you checked, you can go now." ethan was shocked. was he not grateful that ethan had come to see him? it wasn't like anybody else had. this made ethan a little bit irritated.

"i'm not going...not yet. i'm here because I care about you and I want to be there for you. so give me a chance to do that." ethan walked over to the bed and stood beside sean, not feeling all that confident to actually sit next to him.

"why do you care? everybody else has given up on me. why haven't you?" a strain appeared in sean's voice as his eyes glossed over with tears. ethan sat down next to the boy, ready to do pretty much anything to make him feel better.

"because you made a mistake but I understand that you're human and everybody makes mistakes. yes you did a bad thing but there's always time for you to make up for it. and I know that you're sorry for what you did. you don't deserve this sean. you're a good guy. sure you're a little flawed, but everybody is. nobody's perfect." sean didn't respond. he was struggling to process what ethan had just said to him. he was honestly incredibly shocked that ethan had bothered to come see him and he was grateful that he had taken the time out of his day to do so. he was just doing a really bad job of showing it.

"you're too kind ethan. for your own damn good." was all sean could muster. ethan didn't know what to say now. he was at a loss for words. sean though about that wish he'd made the day he ran out of school. he wished that he'd never met ethan. he was so angry at himself that he projected it all onto the only guy who was there for him. how could he wish something as horrible as that? what's wrong with me?

he lost control of his emotions yet again. the tears that were once trapped in his eyes were now freeing themselves onto his face, rushing down his cheeks violently. ethan watched in fear and sadness as the boy - the boy he loved - broke down on the bed next him. 

"it's okay. it's gonna be okay." ethan repeated as he watched his friend cry it all out. he wasn't going to tell him to stop and make him feel like it's unhealthy to cry and express his emotions. sean put his head in his hands, which became soaking wet with tears within a matter of seconds.