feelings | cranksepticeye

31 - skipping school

that day, he considered just running home and not visiting his now only friend. every time he thought about what had happened that lunch break he started crying. how would he explain this to sean? the fact that sean wouldn't be in school for the rest of the year (possibly forever) made it a whole lot worse, because it meant ethan couldn't go with him. he was alone now. he had nobody. maybe if he told his mom about it she'd pack everything up and move him to a new school. maybe then he'd be better off.

as he rode his bike out of school that day he realised that he just didn't have the energy to see sean. all he wanted to do was go home and cry. he felt betrayed, like he'd been stabbed by the back by someone he didn't expect it from. it's exactly what had happened. he rode all the way home with tears in his eyes, and when he got back home and ran in his bedroom, he let them all go. he felt awful for breaking his promise to sean about visiting him, but he was too miserable. sean seemed to be getting better because of his visits too. that would probably all go downhill. his friendship with sean would probably go downhill.

***

it was 10:20 am on a Monday, the Monday following mark's betrayal. ethan had lied. he faked going to school, told his mom he was there, but he wasn't. he just couldn't muster up the courage to be there. now he knew how sean felt, and it felt horrible. sean. he had to visit him on that day, right then and there. this was an opportunity that he couldn't pass up.

he didn't even get his bike out of the shed for it took up too much time. instead he ran straight to sean's house, not taking a break once. he didn't realise how tired and out of breath he was until he reached the front door. ethan prayed that sean's mother wasn't in, otherwise he'd have to very quickly make up an excuse. he knocked on the door rapidly, waiting for an answer. he didn't get one. he knocked again and got the same response: nothing. he sighed and knocked again, a little longer and louder. he assumed he was just going to get the same thing until the door swung open and there stood sean. 

ethan stood there in horror. sean was starting to go back to how he was before ethan's first visit. the bags under his eyes had come back and his hair was turning oily and greasy. ethan hoped to god this wasn't because of him.

"ethan? it's Monday, you should be in school."

"yeah...i know." sean looked around as if searching for an answer and then turned back to the boy standing outside of his house.

"so...what are you-"

"is your mom in?"

"no, she's at work."

"great." without an invitation ethan stepped inside the house, but it wasn't like sean did much to stop him.

"are you gonna tell me why you're in my house on a Monday morning?" ethan kept changing the subject to avoid telling him the truth. as he removed his shoes, he started asking sean questions.

"when was the last time you slept?" 

"um...i don't know...Thursday."

"last time you showered?"

"wednesday. i'm sorry, why is this important?" ethan began to walk upstairs and into sean's room as if he owned the place. sean followed, not objectifying once. 

"you're not taking care of yourself like I asked." ethan answered as the two entered the room.

"you didn't come visit me like I asked. for three days." so this was because of him. ethan felt terrible. he knew something like this would happen, he just knew it.

"i know...i'm so sorry. I was busy." whatever anger sean had built up faded away as he looked into ethan's eyes.

"it's fine. not your fault. I was just overthinking...like I usually do."