Our Inner Demons

Chapter 12

A pleasant smell woke me up in the morning and it wasn't until I opened my eyes that I realized I somehow ended up sleeping on Connor's couch. I sat up and looked into the kitchen where I heard the noises coming from. From what I saw I could easily come to the conclusion that Connor was clumsy in the kitchen.

"Good morning." I said so he would finally notice me. He seemed to occupied trying not to burn the entire building to the ground.

"Oh, morning. You're up." He put on a glove and took something out of the oven. It smelled heavenly.

"What are you making? It smells so good."

"Lasagna. But I'm not sure it'll taste good though..." He scratched his head while looking at it.

"I'm not complaining as long as it's edible." I stood up stretching my arms and walking over to him.

"That's the thing... I'm not sure it's safe."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I laughed. "But isn't it too early for making lasagna?"

"Actually these were frozen so I just put them in the oven for a couple of minutes. I admit it." He looked ashamed. "I am not a chef."

"I knew it!" I said excitedly.

"I hoped we could eat together while we have a chance because I'll have to go to work later. I changed shifts so I can stay with you."

"Oh, that's so nice of you." He was truly the nicest person I ever met, and I have met a lot of nice people. But they never seemed genuine as he did.

As we were enjoying the meal he prepared for us, or at least defrosted for us, we spoke about a lot of different things we thought were interesting. And they would probably not be that interesting to the rest of the world, but that only made us want to talk of them more. Everyone who didn't share our opinions of the world seemed ignorant to us. We preferred our imaginative worlds inside our heads over those others call real. But yet there was nothing more fake.

"Cel, can I ask you something?" Connor said while still chewing his food and I had an urge to tell him that wasn't polite but I denied everything that reminded me of my mother.

"Sure. And I would prefer it if you would stop calling me Cel. I have my own name. That just sounds like a jail."

"But I can't help calling you Cel. Especially after you have imprisoned my heart."

I rolled my eyes but he caught my smile even though I looked away and he smiled too. "What did you want to ask me?"

"Oh, yes... Well maybe it doesn't even matter anymore since we're in a fight, but... Why do you insist that Jake and Sabrina never find out that you're a model?"

"Because they would think of me differently. And I don't want that. I have more than enough reasons for that as it is. I mean, they would think I'm a spoiled brat. Which I'm not, really. But I guess sometimes people make their own assumptions based on what they know."

"I understand. You're right, it's kinda like why I didn't want you to know I was addicted to heroin. Well, maybe not the same, but..."

"Yeah, it's not really the same..." I giggled.

"You must be wondering how a nice guy like me ended up being a drug addict."

"When did I say you were nice?" I smiled. He looked uncomfortable. "I'm kidding, tell me. I really want to know."

"Well because I grew up in an orphanage my life was obviously never easy. I always had a feeling I wasn't good enough, because..." He stopped. This seemed way too hard for him to talk about considering he was the one that started the subject. But I guess he wanted to share this with me because I meant something to him.

"Why?" I looked him in the eyes and put my hand over his. We both stopped eating our food.

"My mom left me. I was six at the time. She was a single mom and I know how that can be hard and I get that, but still... I can't help but wonder every single day of my life why she did that. Was I not good enough? Obviously..." He looked down and rested his head in his arms. I didn't know what to say or how to comfort him. There was only one thing I could relate to in his story.

"My mom is also a single mom. And you have no idea how hard she can be on me. I mean, I definitely can't say you're lucky for growing up in an orphanage... But I would take that over listening to my mother blaming me for everything bad that happens to her and telling me she is a failure because of me... Or how many times she wanted to abort you and didn't and you should feel happy about that."

"Wow. Whenever I tell you something depressing you always find a way to top that." He went over his eyes with his hands but I saw no tears. I was glad he wasn't ashamed to cry in front of me and show his emotions like most guys were.

"What can I say?" I smiled. "It's what I'm best at."

"But anyway... That's mainly why I started drinking. To forget about what a misery my life is. And that worked for a while. But only partly..."

"So you head to reach out for..." I slowly talked watching that no word I say hurts him because this was a sensitive topic.

"Exactly." He nodded. "It wasn't heroin from the start, no... I had no problem when I was smoking pot. If it only stayed on that... But you know how it is with these things... Once you try something you eventually get bored of it. It doesn't give you that thrill as it used to over time. So you have to switch to something that will hit you harder... Until you go so far there is no way back."

I listened to him without saying a word. Connor that I knew didn't seem like that person he described. Sure, he was a bit self-centered at times and made inappropriate jokes all the time, but that was it. Besides that he was perfect. I had a hard time connecting the actions he spoke about to him as a person.

"Huh, you seem freaked out." He chuckled. "That's okay. I would be too if I was you. Actually, I doubt I would still be in this apartment."

"Why would I leave? Do you want me to?"

"No, just the opposite. I want us both to stay here talking forever. I've never felt this good while pouring my heart out."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Nobody deserves it."

"Yeah, well..."

My phone rang and I was pulled out of that perfect harmonic world we created where there were just the two of us talking and nobody was there to disturb us. Nobody else was necessary.

"Hello, mom?" Conversation with Connor made me forget about my plan to call my mother and let her know I'm coming home soon.

"Where are you, Celestia? Do you have any idea what the time is?!" She sounded furious but that was nothing new.

"It's ten o'clock in the morning." I looked at the clock on Connor's wall. "Why?"

"Then why aren't you getting ready in the makeup room?! Where are you?!"

"Why would I need to get ready? What's going on?"

"You have a photoshoot for a new toothpaste commercial which you would know about if you haven't turned your phone off last night! They changed the main model overnight because I was so persuasive and now you have to ruin this too! I'm telling you to get to the studio in the next fifteen minutes or don't even think about coming back home tonight!" She hung up.

"Yeah, I love you too. Bye."

"What happened?" Connor asked. I knew he was able to hear her yell over the phone although maybe he didn't know what it was about.

"Ugh, it's my mom... I guess I'll be going to the studio as well."

"That's great. When do you have to be there?" He got back to eating his lasagna.

"In fifteen minutes."

He almost choked on his food. After he took a sip of the water on the table he stood up and took his car keys from the counter.

"Then what are we waiting for?"