Our Inner Demons

Chapter 13

After we arrived at the photo studio Connor and I knew we had to put on an act and be strictly professional while at work so others wouldn't get suspicious of our relationship. But when I think better there was no relationship to be suspicious of. But others might not see us as just friends and we were not going to take that risk.

"So when we get in there..." Connor looked at me after turning the car off. "We don't know each other, right?"

"Right." I nodded.

"Let's go then, miss... What was your name again?" I smiled and got out of the car. My mom got out of the building holding onto her head with both hands.

"You're gonna make me go crazy one day." She said when she approached me. "I'm seriously about to lose my mind. I called you a million times, I texted you hoping you would eventually see it, damn I even sent you an email but you simply didn't care, did you?!"

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry..." Connor passed by us and she didn't take her eyes off him until he went inside. I saw that he smiled at her.

"You're gonna be sorry if you don't get this commercial! You're gonna be sorry if all my hard work goes to waste! Let's go inside, we have no time to lose." She said and we went inside.

After I had my makeup and hair done and changed my clothes I was ready to stand in front of the camera. The old lady that all models in the photo studio saw as a mother and that was the owner of the studio came to see my photo shooting and the fact she stood among all the other people behind the camera was making me incredibly nervous.

Other models were gathering to watch her probably wondering what caused me to get such an honor and watch in the world is so special about me that managed to catch her attention.

"Okay, I think we're good." The photographer said.

"Not yet." The lady said. We all called her Donna but nobody knew her real name. " Can you turn to your side facing the camera, dear?" I quickly did as she said. "Now make a full circle." She seemed concerned after I did that.

"Is something wrong?" I asked after she whispered something to the photographer.

"Come here, sweetie." She went to the corner of the room where nobody was able to hear us.

"Is everything alright?"

"That is exactly what I want to ask you. Are you alright?"

"What do you mean?" I remembered how I was looking at the mirror just a couple of minutes ago after having my make up done and making sure it was able to cover up my undeniable sickness and the fact I was getting paler each day.

"Look at you. You're not the same anymore. What happened?" She seemed concerned and I knew that telling her about my disease was no a good idea no matter how much I hated lying to her.

"It's nothing, really..." I thought that there was something she could've seen in my eyes that was telling her I wasn't saying the truth because the more I assured her that nothing is wrong the more suspicious she got.

"I know." She said and my heart jumped. How can she possibly know? I thought my mother decided to keep this a secret but instead she told her herself. I was glad that at least I had one person that knew what was wrong and that I could open up to.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything sooner. I just..."

"Oh, sweetie, you don't have to apologize to me." She hugged me. I finally felt truly understood by someone after a very long time. Since she was an ex-model she knew how hard it is to say goodbye to your career and she knows well the urge to defend it at all costs that appears.

Then she took a better look at me, this time with even more concerned face.

"You might think that starving yourself will get you far in this business. But sweaty you have gone too far." She smiled and left back to photographers.

I was left speechless. This means that she doesn't know about my disease after all, which can be both a good and a bad thing. It wasn't until now that I fully agreed with my mother that it is better if the world doesn't know about this. When I first thought Donna knew about my cancer I felt relieved but then came all those sickening questions about what will happen to my career and my future.

The last thing I want is for people to feel bad for me and watch me laying in my hospital bed dying just a little bit more each day until I stop breathing completely. Even if that has to happen, if I don't get to live until next year, I will use the time left as much as possible.

_________

I was getting ready in the make up room to go home after my photo shooting and as I was wiping all of the makeup of my face I heard a knock on the door. Since I was the only girl left there I told them to come in.

Connor seemed shy as he walked in and carefully closed the door behind him as if he was so clumsy that anything he touches in that room that is usually out of his reach might fall apart easily. When I saw him in the mirror I quickly turned around even though my make up was smudged all over my face.

"Gosh, you scared me." He said holding onto his chest.

"I could say the same thing about you. Nobody usually knocks in here."

"Okay, I promise I won't knock next time."

"There won't be next time. I thought we agreed to act as we don't know each other."

"We did. But I had to ask you something and I knew you would probably say no over the phone. But if I ask you in person you won't be able to resist my charm." He smirked.

"What do you want to ask me?" I continued to wipe off my make up.

"Maybe you would like to go on a date with me... I don't know. If you have nothing else to do..." He looked insecure.

"A real date or a friends handing out date?" I raised my eyebrow.

"A real date."

I thought about all kinds of things to say back to him to make me sound like I will go but I'm not that interested but I rejected them all and smiled at him.

"Sure. I'll go."

"Really?" He looked as if he wasn't expecting me to say yes but I knew that if he wasn't sure about his victory he wouldn't even attempt to do anything. It was just the kind of person he was.

"Yes." I laughed. "Where do you want us to go?"

"I don't know. Maybe some places you like to go to the most. That's how I can get to know you better. And next time we can go to my favorite place."

"There you go again with the next time. Hold on. I don't like thinking that far ahead. I don't even know if I'm gonna be alive tomorrow."

"Why wouldn't you be?"

"I meant... It's just an expression. You shouldn't plan ahead, that's what I meant."

"Then what am I supposed to plan? The past?" He seemed confused.

"You'll come to pick me up at six, alright? I'll think of a place until then."

"You shouldn't think that hard to know what your favorite place is. Whatever comes to your mind. Somewhere you feel the best."

"I know just the place." I smiled.

"Why do I feel like I won't like it?"