Our Inner Demons

Chapter 24

Some days are naturally better than others, but no day is as good as I wish it be. Being considered by others as a young person, I was promised a bright future for myself and as they would all say; my life had just started.

But since I knew the truth that my life is about to end soon I wondered if I had a right to consider myself an old person, since I will never get to be one.

There is a common opinion that you become wiser with age, which for me is a complete misconception. What if I stayed locked up in a room alone for a hundred years staring at a blank wall? Would that instantly make me smarter than a child that spent only one year in school? That is why I believe it is not time that makes us smarter, but how we spend that time.

For some reason I felt as if Connor knew the truth about my state, even though it was impossible. Nobody else knew except for my mother and she certainly wouldn't be the one telling him.

"What's that on your hand?" Connor took a better look at me as we were sitting on a park bench feeding the ducks.

"What?" I looked at the place he was pointing and realized he was talking about the red spots that appeared on my skin recently. The doctors have told me it was only another symptom of my disease. "Oh, that's just a rash. It's really itchy." I started scratching my hand. "Probably because of the new sweater I bought the other day."

"Could it be because of that soup that guy spilled on you yesterday? Who knows what was in it..."

"Oh, I don't think it's because of that..."

"So what did you wanna talk to me about?" He put his arm behind me at the bench. "You said you had a confession to make." He smiled while saying that as if he found it to be ridiculous that I had any secrets or that there was anything about me that he didn't know about or wasn't able to find on the internet.

"I do. I... You know I love you..."

"Is that it? Oh, God, Celestia. You scared me. The way you were talking about it, I thought it was something serious."

"Well, it is serious... But I'm not really sure how to say it."

"You should try by using words." I hated how he always had to turn everything into a joke but sometimes him acting silly was really helpful and it made me less nervous.

"I... I don't think I'm ready yet."

"That's fine." I was surprised how quickly he said that. He either wasn't interested in what I had to say or really wanted to give me time. Either way I respected him for that. "Whatever it is, it can wait. At least until we get home because it's starting to rain." He looked up at the sky.

"You're right. We should head back." We rushed to his car and Connor had trouble starting it.

"Oh, come on... Don't do that to me now..." He was obviously irritated that we were stuck in the car in a park with no idea of when we will be able to go back home.

"Don't be upset, think positively."

"How am I supposed to do that? How could this get any worse?"

"Well... At least you're not alone. And, at least we're not outside on the rain."

"You're right." He brightened up. "I love it how you always make me look on the bright side, Cel."

I wished to tell him that at least we were alive and how he should be grateful for even getting out of bed that morning and all the other stuff people say, but he would probably just ask me why wouldn't he be alive and that is where I would shut down again.

When I was repeatedly reminded how my clock was ticking a lot faster than those of other people it would get even more painful to process since that thought wasn't always on my mind.