Our Inner Demons

Chapter 22

"What surprised me the most about your house is that you don't seem to care about anything. I kept bringing up anything that I see and I like but your face lights up only when you're speaking about the memories some objects bring you."

"What am I supposed to do? Freak out over a piano?"

"A lot of people would. But if I learned anything about you, Celestia, that is that you're not like other people. You seem to be enjoying the little things far more. What makes you do that?"

I wanted to tell him everything, I really did. To tell him how I used to be just like him, admiring nothing but material things and shiny objects. He wouldn't like me before my disease, I was a completely different person.

Although, we did meet before I got sick and he seemed to like me even then, when I thought of him as unworthy of speaking with me.

This was another chance for me, to come clean and tell him everything about my disease. But it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Besides, since there was no way this could be transmitted to him I figured I wasn't really doing him any injustice. The only person affected was me.

"The thing that makes me love the little things most is that they are not little things at all. When you stand up from your bed in the morning only to let the sun rays come into your room and feel them on your face, when you're able to run like you're unstoppable, laughing so hard you start tearing up... I don't care if the world sees money, properties and diamonds as the big things. Those are the real big things."

"What made you like this? Did something happen to you? The first day I met you you were so... Full of yourself. And I can't say I loved you any less than I do now. But it's like you're a different person. Are you actually Celestia's twin?"

"I might be... Why? Do you like me better?"

"I only want real Celestia. I'm serious now, Cel. You seem to be down lately... What happened? Did someone hurt your feelings?"

"Only a million times."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. It's in the past now anyway."

"You shouldn't be talking like that. I think it's best if you have a problem to talk about it and solve it. You should talk to whoever caused you pain and tell them how you feel."

"It wouldn't change anything. You obviously don't know anything about that kind of people... And here you keep repeating me that I don't know what real people are like out there. Selfish people care about nothing but themselves. And they don't care if they caused you pain. They're never gonna be sorry, even if they apologize. The only thing that they can be truly sorry about is that the time in which they were able to torture you has passed."

"You're talking like you have been bullied."

"It doesn't matter. Some people will never know how much they didn't mean to me. And that makes me sad."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you... Tomorrow morning people from the support group are gonna volunteer in a homeless shelter. But I don't think I'll be going through..."

"Why not?"

"Well they said we will be working with ex junkies and alcoholics... I don't wanna spend my morning looking at the people that are in the same situation I was a few years ago. That's hell I don't wanna put myself through ever again."

"But Connor, you're not gonna be going through that again. You would only be helping other people."

"I know, but... It's though."

"I know it is, but we'll be together."

"So you plan on going?" He seemed surprised.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, I just didn't think the homeless shelter is the kinda place you would be interested in..."

"Why wouldn't I be? You're judging a book by its cover again."

"I'm sorry, Cel. Here. I have something to give you." He took two bracelets out of his pocket.

"They're both for me?"

"No. This one is mine." His bracelet had a small heart and mine had an infinity pendant.

"Thank you." I said.

"Now..." He said watching his bracelet and playing with it in his hands. "I will give you my heart if you give me your infinity." I paused for a moment, looked at him and chuckled.

"Here's my infinity." I handed him my bracelet and took his heart.

"Thank you. I will keep it with me forever."

"We have to go downstairs now or my mom will start getting suspicious."

"I can't risk her liking me less than she already does. When can I see you again, Cel?"

"That depends. If you're asking right here than I suppose you will see me at my house when my mother gets married the next time."

"She got married a lot of times?"

"So many even I stopped counting."

"What was your real father like? I'm sorry, I know you don't like talking about that subject."

"No, it's fine. Well, the only thing I can tell you about him is that once I haven't spoken to him for three days and he hasn't even noticed. I believe that describes to you how he was."

"So he was worse than your mother? Wow, that's hard to imagine."

"Now you can see why I don't think she's that bad. After all, she's all I got."

"You're right. No matter how bad she can be, she's still everything you have. I have nobody, imagine how I feel. A careless parent is still a parent."

"Let's go back downstairs." I now talked in a whispering tone as if the more prepared we were to leave the more capable my mother was to hear us, even from such a big distance.

"Oh, you're leaving already?" She came into the room just as we were about to leave. She was carrying two plates with cake. "But I brought a cake for you."

"No, thank you Mrs. Abner. I mean, Julie. I really need to go now."

"Why? Who's gonna be mad if you come home late? You mentioned you don't have parents or any relatives."

"Mom, please..." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it's true, I don't have anyone. But I still try to stick to some boundaries I set for myself."

"Boundaries? What kind of boundaries can an ex-drug dealer have?" She laughed.

"Mom, what are you..."

"That's alright, Celestia. Actually, I was never selling drugs. That's a common misconception people have about me."

"What's the difference? To me, you're all the same."

"Well a drug dealer ruins people's lives. While I was only ruining my own."

"Still. I don't think that makes you any better."

"Please, I'm sorry Connor..." I was out of my mind after listening to her talking to him that way.

"You're right, Julie. It doesn't make me any better. And the only reason you keep bringing up my mistakes is that you don't think I'm good enough for your daughter. But clearly she doesn't agree with you."

"First of all, I'm not the one bringing up your mistakes. They practically bring up themselves. It's more than obvious you're not one of us. And nothing you say could ever change that."

"Connor, you don't have to listen to this." I brought him outside and we climbed down the stairs. We stopped in front of the front door. "I'm really sorry because of her."

"No, she's really not that bad."

"She isn't. She just has her own way of thinking. I'm glad you understand."

"Don't worry about it. Thank you for brightening my day." He kissed my forehead and went outside.