Our Inner Demons

Chapter 26

They say that all bad times come to their end. But what if the bad times are the end? What is everything ends in a bad, tormenting way, and your final days are filled with the pain while you pray to die even though you fought so hard to live?

That might be the script God had prepared for me, at least judging by the doctor's words when I went for my chemo.

"It's too late." I saw him shaking his head while he was talking to my mother only a few steps away from where I was sitting with a needle inside my arm.

"What do you mean it's too late? You wanna say it's my fault? I should've brought her here sooner?"

"No, it is nobody's fault. The disease spread so quickly in her case that there is not much we can do at this point."

"What do you mean there's not much you can do? Well what can you do?!"

"I'm afraid that... even if we started the therapy it would all be for nothing."

"What do you mean it would be for nothing? Do you need more money? What do you want to keep my daughter alive?!"

"Look at her. She is exhausted. Can't you see it? At this point continuing with any sort of therapy would only come as torture for Celestia. I have talked to her about this, and... I know it's not easy for you but she wants to let go. And you should do the same."

She turned around to face me and this was the first time I saw tears falling down her face that didn't look sad, but horrified.

"We have a free bed for her, she can come here any time she wants. But she admitted to me that she would prefer leaving this world in her own house." She turned to face him again once he mentioned me leaving this world. I don't think she was even aware of what was going on, she didn't seem like it.

"She wouldn't do that. She doesn't do anything without my permission. She wouldn't leave. I won't let her..."

"Mrs. Abner, please... If you would just..."

She turned around and started walking down the hallway. I waived the doctor and followed her out of the hospital.

"Can you imagine that guy? Did you hear the things he was saying to me?" She asked while we were walking through the parking lot to our car.

"He said truth." I don't know where I found the strength and the courage to say that. Not because I would stand up to her but instead to calm down my urge to cry.

"No he didn't. What are you talking about?" She rejected any idea of that being a possibility.

"I told him to tell you that because I didn't know how you're gonna react if you hear it from me. I know this is what's going on. I get reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. And I accept my destiny, whatever it is. Just please let me do it with dignity."

"I am not dealing with your tantrums right now, Celestia. Get in the car."

"Not until you hear what I have to say? Why are you being so stubborn?!" Her face expression suddenly changed as she made eye contact with me. She was aware that there was no escape from this situation. "Why do you even have to make everything be about you, even me dying!"

"Because it is!" She screamed so loud her voice echoed through the garage.

"What?" I was confused and only asked her to make sure she hasn't lost her mind, which could have been a side effect of pain very easily.

"This is because of me! It's my fault! Maybe I have pushed you too hard, but only because I wanted a different destiny for you. And I thought my couldn't get any worse... But it turned out to be so... So good. It gave me you. And then I did everything to make you look like me, act like me... But you were never like me. And I'm glad about that, Celestia. I really am. I have planned a different kind of destiny for you, but I can't compete with the one God planned." She covered her face with her hands and I heard her sobbing.