Our Inner Demons

Chapter 14

"Really, Cel, out of all the places on the planet earth we have to go to an art gallery?" Connor was not satisfied with my choice of our first date destination and he was not hesitating to let me know about that while we were getting out of the car.

"It will be so much fun, you'll see. You'll beg me to stay a little bit more in the end."

"I doubt that..." We went inside and he seemed bored right from the start.

"Look at this one." I stood in front of one painting. "Tell me what do you see."

"You mean in the painting?"

"Yes. Where else?"

"I see... Blue. A little purple here and there. Some pink..."

"No, you have to look more closely. This is a heart. See?"

"Oh, right..." He looked closer.

"So what does it represent to you?"

"I don't know... Love?"

"Very well." I clapped. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. I try."

"Just so you know there was no heart at that painting." I said as we walked to the next one. "I don't know what in the world you saw." He seemed even more confused than he already was.

"This is a guy dying in the desert." He thoroughly inspected every painting. "And it's called The meaning of life. Well that's ironic..."

"It doesn't have to be. Art doesn't have to make sense. Especially not to everyone."

"I think you're right, but I still can't see how death could be the meaning of life. It's the end of life."

"Maybe it isn't until the end that we get to fulfill our meaning." He looked at me probably thinking where that came from but since I found out about my diagnosis there were not many things I was thinking about besides death. "I mean, maybe..."

"You're so weird, Cel. Do you know that?" He looked me in the eyes. "And I love it."

"Oh, stop with the compliments. You're pretty weird yourself too, Connor."

"What do you think about this? Is this the meaning of life to you too?" He looked back at the painting. The more I looked at it the harder it got.

"No. That's the sad part. My only wish is to find out the meaning of life. And I fail at that..."

"If that is your only wish... I promise I will do everything it takes to help you find the answer to that question."

"Thank you." I smiled. His kindness always succeeds to amaze me because he didn't seem like such a gentle guy on the outside. He seemed repulsive and as an introvert. The fact I managed to melt the iceberg around his hard was probably my greatest accomplishment.

"I think I'm in love with you, Cel." He took my hands.

That was the sign that I have gone too far at making him enjoy my company. It would break his heart if anything happened to me. And something will happen, sooner or later. The last thing I wanted is for him to get emotionally attached to me because I knew there was no going back after that.

"I thought we were just friends..." I said jokingly.

"Maybe in front of other people. But I never even cared about what other people think. We could be married and nobody has to know for all I care."

"Are you proposing to me?"

"No. Maybe. Would you say yes?"

"Oh, Connor..." I laughed.