The Boy and his Beast

19. Everyone can tell

(Benjamin's POV)

By the time we get up to eat breakfast it's noon. Kellan asks if I want to go buy some clothes. I pull at the sleeve of the shirt he's lent me. He doesn't want me to soil his clothes with my disgusting body. 

His face suddenly makes a perpelexed look. 

"It's not that I don't like you in my clothes, baby. I just figured you might want to wear something that acctually fits, for tonight" he says and lets his gaze travel down my body and up again with a hot look in his eyes. 

I know he's just doing it to make me feel better but I can't help but blush happily at the fact that he's not disgusted by me. At the same time, a part of me is repulsed by the thought of giving in to his hot look. It should be nothing but sickening to think of sex, but... 

I know he wouldn't refuse me and I know he won't touch me without permission, and that is enough to drown the disgust in me. Another wall tumbles down as his eyes linger. I cannot help but blush even harder at the way his lips curve in a devious smile. 

I agree with a short "OK" and we head out.  

Unfortunantley, and the very reason we've gone out is, I don't have any clothes left. As we walk down the street I'm wearing his sweatpants rolled up and tied in the waist to fit me, as well as a shirt that almost reaches my knees. 

"Don't worry, you look kinda' cool" he says with a chuckle and puts his arm around my shoulders. I just lean into him as we walk, feeling like a huge embarrassment. I'm probably the worste mate a wolf could get. The moon was cruel to Kellan. 

The first shop in his mind is a short bus ride away. It's a big clothing store and he follows me around like a loyal dog, while I look for jeans and long sleeve tees. When I reach for a third black T-shirt I wonder what Kellan thinks of my clothes. What does he like? I want him to think I'm handsome. 

Little slut, you like it don't you. Ross's voice echoes in my mind. I'm disgusting, of course he wouldn't think I'm handsome...

"What about this?" Kell suggests holding a soft, sky-blue sweater in his hand. 

It's a knitted cotton sweater with a tiny krockodile embroidered over the heart. "And we should buy you a white shirt while we're here, you might need it. Not that tonight is a glamourous event but there might be some pack gatherings later that are" he ponders. I nod and he disapears to find one, handing me the blue sweater. 

I rub the fabric between my bony fingers. It's so soft and the color is too pure and awfully summery. Like how I wish I was. Like snow meting into spring flowers under a autumn sky... Nothing like me. The feeling of it spreds all the way to my chest and I stand there amazed and horrified until Kell returns with a white dress shirt. 

"That's too big" I say with a quick look at it. 

"I figure you will grow into it" he explains with a sure smile. I don't answer so he hands it to me to try it on. I put it over my arm, but I don't share his naive hope of a second growth spurt on my part. I'm thin, short and scrawny. Weak. 

And that is all I'll ever be. 

The man behind the register gives us a wierd look and I don't blame him. I bet Kell is embarresed to be seen with me. It makes me want to turn into a wolf and run away, but I don't want him to be even more disappointed, so I force myself to stay. 

I try to convince Kell to let me pay for it but he won't have it. 

"The pack owns the whole area of farming fields south of burlington. Eric invested after he became alpha and it paid off. I'm in charge of looking over the harvest" he convinces me and we leave three more stores without me getting to pay at all. Nor do I get to carry any of the bags.