Real or Not Real?

Part 6: Is This Really My Life?

~Winter Time; One month Until Aster Is Born~

Katniss's P.O.V.

The whole idea of bedrest sounds nice. But in reality is very terrible. I have so much energy, and I can't get it out. I'm antsy all the time. And more than ever because it's Christmas soon. And then after that, Aster will be born. I can't get up or do much. I try to read, I get bored after a few chapters. I try to sleep, only manage for about half an hour. I count the things in the room, get bored and lose track at about 20. Get hungry and Peeta brings me food, end up only taking a few bites. Peeta has to take care of me, Daisy and her puppies. They can't be sold until they are eight weeks. So we have four more. Which is about the time until Aster is born. And she is ready to be born. And so am I. My body is at its point of being done. But only a few more weeks, and I'll be alright. My baby shower was held last week. It was nice. We have so many things to spoil Aster with when she comes. Peeta has been working on her nursery when not taking care of me. Which he won't let me see. Since he is so strict about following Dr. Mangum's orders. Which I am not. I may disobey them at some points. I get out of bed and walk down the hall quietly. My weight may make the floor creak more than it should. But Peeta doesn't seem to hear. I open the door to the room next to ours which is Aster's nursery. I open the door. I am in awe upon entering further. The walls are pink and there are different colors of giant flowers and plants painted on the walls. A white crib with a few small stuffed animals are there. A white changing table and dresser are on the other side of the room with a rocking chair in the corner.

"Katniss?! What on earth are you doing up?! Dr. Mangum told you nothing but bed rest!" Peeta says.

"Sorry.. I couldn't help myself. This is.. Amazing, Peeta." I say.

He comes and hugs me. "Thanks. I was hoping you'd like it. And I bet Aster will too." He says.

"She will." I say and rub my stomach. She kicks me.

"Now, back to bed with you, Missy." He says trying to have authority in his voice.

I roll my eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. "OKAY.. FINNNE!" I say.

He picks my up and carries me back to bed.

"Now is you don't stay put.. I'll have to call in the big guns to help." He says and folded his arms.

"Okay Mr. Bigshot. I'll stay here." I say.

"Good! Now I mean it, stay!" he says.

I giggle. "I'm not Daisy." I say.

"I never said you were." he says.

"You told me to stay. Like a dog. You tell Daisy to." I say.

He gives me a look. "I meant to not get up from bed again." He says.

I giggle more. "I will. But would you do something for me? Please?" I say.

"What now? I have to tend to Daisy." He says.

"I just want a kiss." I say and pout.

"That I can do." he says and smiles.

He comes and sits down at my side. He leans down and kisses me. I pull him closer and kiss him more.

"Kat.. is she causing this again?" He asks between kisses.

"Maybe.." I say. "Or it's just me... we'll never know."

He smiles. "Are we supposed to, though Kat? I don't want anything bad to happen." He says.

"Maybe not.. I guess. I wasn't thinking. Just acting." I say and sigh.

"Sorry, Katniss. Maybe soon." He says and kisses me.

It doesn't fill the need, but it'll get me by.

"I'll go back to "resting" I guess. And let you do what you need to." I say and roll my eyes.

Peeta smiles softly at me. "I'll be back." he says.

"Thanks. Maybe with something special?" I say.

"Cheese buns with pickles and syrup?" He asks.

I smile wide. "Yes." I say.

"Of course. And a kiss as well." he says.

"I'll be waiting." I say and peck his lips.

~

I hear a glass shatter from downstairs. I get up from bed. I hear shuffling around and then Peeta talking. I slowly walk downstairs. I hear more things break. I go to the kitchen. Peeta is clutching his head. I carefully back away. I make the floorboards creak and Peeta turns around. His pupils are all black. He's in a flash back.

"Peeta.. This isn't real." I say calmly.

"Mutt!!" He screams at me.

I run out of there. I don't want him to get anything. But I was blind and didn't see that he has a knife. I stay some distance and work to calm him down.

"Peeta, it's me. Katniss. Your wife. The woman who is holding your baby safe." I say.

"Mutt!!" He yells at me.

Then he charges for me. And that's when life as I know it is slipping from me. I see the knife in my gut. I look and slowly see the realization and ocean blue eyes come back. Tears fall from our faces.

"Katniss.... I'm-I'm so sorry." He says, and his voice was fragile.

He moves his hands away from me and I see my blood and possibly our babies blood. I am shaking more and Peeta is as well. I am because I have no idea if the baby is going to survive. And Peeta is because he has regret and is worried I'll die.

"Get me to the hospital.. Now, Peeta." I say. And that is when I pass out.

~

Peeta's P.O.V.

Katniss passes out into my arms. I feel my heart is about to jump from my chest. I'm so scared and I have no idea why I would do this. I pick her up carefully. I race out the door and to Haymitch's house. He'll know what to do. I pound on the door. And as soon as it starts to open I break down.

"What did you do?" He asks.

"It wasn't me! I didn't mean to, Haymitch! I tried to fight it off.. and I couldn't!" I say.

"We have to go, now! Or they'll die." He says.

Haymitch gets the car and I carefully get Katniss in. He speeds us to the hospital and we race in. Time is at the essence. For Katniss......and Aster. She is immediately taken back and into surgery. I leave to go get cleaned up. But even with the blood gone, I still can't erase it. It is the blood of my child and wife. Who could be dead because of my inner demons. I look at myself in the mirror. I look at myself. I grow disgusted and angry. I break down in tears and anger. I punch the mirror I was using. It shatters and cuts my hands. But I don't care. I deserve to feel what Katniss does and what I did to her.

"If you keep at it, you'll never be able to hold that girl again." I hear someone say.

"I won't be able to anyways!" I cry. "It's all my fault! I killed them!"

I sink down. My soul breaks more.

"You didn't, Peeta. They're okay. I swear. I bet she'll want to see you when she wakes up." Haymitch says.

"She won't wake up! And I'll be the one who did that!" I say.

"You know it wasn't you. You can't blame yourself." he says. "And you better get cleaned up again. She's almost out of the Cesarean. And she'll need you there, alright?"

I nod numbly. He pats my shoulder.

"Come on, Peeta. Everything will be okay." He says.

'I hope to God, it will be.' I think.