Life goes on

These Are the Days

These are the days that are supposed to be the best days of my life
These are the days that in the future I want to come back to 
But I haven't stopped crying in three weeks
Better days are ahead but these just keep getting harder

Take me back to when I was innocent
Take me back to when I didn't know what a broken heart was
Take me back to when I was younger and naive

Lately, I've been thinking suicidal thoughts
What would happen if I took this car to a tree at 80 MPH?
Would I be gone or just hurt?
Would people actually care then?

I try to push them out of my head, but somedays it just doesn't work
My nephew and niece are the only people keeping me here
Somedays I don't wear a seatbelt hoping this will be my last day
Would my parents regret their decisions or the things they said?

These days keep getting longer and I'm just getting tired
Tired of putting up with these thoughts in my head
Looking forward to the days where I'll see Jesus in heaven
Hopefully, it'll be sooner rather than later

I feel like there's no future for me 
I want to close my eyes and never open them again 
Been lying in my bed thinking things 

These are the days I'm supposed to want back
These are the days that are supposed to be the best days of my life
Yet, I have these thoughts creeping in my head
That it's not worth it to see another day 

I want to tell my parents how I'm feeling
Yet, they keep on yelling at me and telling me what a horrible person I am
I've searched ways to kill myself but I could never do those things
I wouldn't want anybody to have the horror of finding me dead

Mental illnesses suck and I know how my cousins did it
I just can't imagine what their breaking point was

I'm supposed to be the kid nobody worries about
The perfect kid that everybody's parents want
Yet my parents hate me and yell at me for every little thing
I'm supposed to not have anything to cry about

I'm grateful for everything given to me, don't think I'm not
I just don't know how to shake off this feeling
I don't want to see another day sometimes