Life goes on

Tired

I keep on yawning like I'm bored
Yet, I'm yearning for a new life
A life where I don't have to deal with my parents
A life where I don't have to deal with drama

A life where I don't have these thoughts in my head
I'm ready to feel alive again
I'm ready to be awake and happy

My eyes keep on shutting throughout the day
As if I didn't get enough sleep last night
Yet, I cried myself to sleep at 10

I scream into my pillow so no one will hear me
My eyes are bloodshot at this point
I can see the gun but I can't bring myself to do it
I want to feel happy and alive again

I see myself in the mirror 
I look like a zombie
My face looks pale
My eyes look red

I have bags under my eyes that have been there for days
No ones wondering why or checking up on me
So I sit in the dark and write about my feelings
The tears are just running down my face

My pillow should be a puddle by now
I get a text and it makes me smile
Sharing an inside joke
These are the things keeping me alive

One moment I'm jumping off the wall
Laughing at every little thing
The next moment I'm face down on my pillow
Trying to stop the tears from falling

I put on a brave face every morning as I walk outside
Yet, I break down every time I walk back through the door
Wishing I was the same as every other teenager
Who had chill parents and not the ones I have

They compare me to everybody 
Which isn't fair to me
And if I compare them to other parents
They call me disrespectful 

They set up a standard
One I never want any other kid to have
I'll learn from their ways
And be the parent that kids won't have to recover from

I just want someone to hug me when I'm having a bad day
Or someone to make me feel good when I've done something for them
But they just look the other way and make me feel bad