I'm ADHD (a random book)

I Officially Have Had the Worst Dream Ever

And I'm still not entirely sure if I'm awake.

Almost nobody reads this book so I'm feeling pretty safe to vent about this because wow it was bad.

I literally had a dream about being shot and bleeding out alone in a bathroom last week and it doesn't even compare.

I couldn't wake up.

I had at least ten dreams within a dream, it was a panicked blur I lost count.

So the dream started out pretty normal as my dreams go. I was in an apartment with roommates, but not my actual awake apartment with my actual roommates, dream apartment and roommates, and I realized that one of them was plotting to kill all of us.

I kept getting foreshadowing to it, almost as if I had read the story before and was looking for the hints. I found her knife and she took it and claimed it was just a cool souvenir she'd found at a gas station. I got a huge dump of info into my brain like I just knew what was going to happen next, and I realized that that was weird. How did I know what would happen next? I wasn't rereading a book I was experiencing this. You can't experience something twice!

So then I realized that I was dreaming. I woke myself up. I got out of bed and started going around and doing things, but everything felt slightly off. Things didn't seem to be as detailed as they should've been. Also there was only one bed in my room, and I knew for a fact that I had a roommate. I heard someone coming down the hall towards me and knew they were coming to kill me. I ran for it out a second door that should not have been there because I DID NOT want to get stabbed and furiously tried to wake myself up.

I did, but as I sat up in bed I once again felt like something was off. My room was tiny and once again had only one bed. Out the window I could see an unfamiliar lake. I once again heard someone coming and knew that they were coming to kill me. I knew I had to wake myself up, but the other times hadn't worked, maybe I should just let them stab me? That would wake me up. But I knew how painful it was to be stabbed from other dreams and did not want to relieve it if I didn't have too.

I tried to wake myself up and did just as the killer walked into my not bedroom. I knew at once that I was still in a dream and began to panic. I knew that inflicting pain in yourself was supposed to wake you up so I pinched myself. It didn't work, and I figured that was probably because my dream self was very tolerant so I began to bang my head against the wall. It hurt. I could feel the impacts and the jolts of pain, but it wasn't doing anything so I banged my head against the wall harder.

I felt someone shaking me and woke up to see worried faces above me. Faces that I didn't know. They were telling me that it was just a dream and telling me I had been hitting my head against the wall in my sleep. I didn't believe them. I knew they weren't real. I broke away from them and ran, trying to wake myself up again, but it was getting harder.

I could feel myself laying down with my eyes closed even as I ran in my dream, but when I tried to force my eyes open they wouldn't budge. I tried to move but my limbs felt weighed down and my mind felt heavy with mist, like sleep was keeping me trapped. As I ran in the dream I focused on my asleep self and tried to force myself to move, open my eyes, say something.

I managed a small 'help' but that was it. Someone shook me awake and I sat up forcefully, shaking my head hard to get rid of the heavy sleep most feeling. The person who'd woken me up asked what was wrong and I told them that I hadn't been able to wake up. Then I opened my eyes and realized that my bed was way too thin. I began crying and panicking and repeating, "no I'm still dreaming," while the dream person who I didn't know tried to convince me otherwise.

I pushed last them and ran for it, purposefully crashing into things and even jumping a while flight of stairs just to try to wake up. It hurt, but nothing did. I could hear people chasing me, but I didn't stop to see if they were friend or foe.

I ducked into a closet and and practically prayed to wake up. I felt someone poking me and suddenly I was opening my eyes in bed. I heard them say something like, 'your phone,' before I looked around. I saw a desk covered in stuff right next to my bed with my clock reading 11:00. I wondered how I had possibly slept in so late, and then realized it might've been because I was trapped in multiple layers of dreams. Something felt off though. I knew there was supposed to be a desk next to my bed covered in stuff, but was it supposed to be covered in this particular stuff? There was a shelf above my bed just like in the waking world, but did it have the right things on it. I looked out the window and saw snow and a cloudy sky. That seemed right, didn't it?I

I looked back at the shelf and saw a snowman sculpture. I frowned. When had I made that? How had I made that? I sent my clay home with my mom after she dropped me back off at college after Christmas break.

"Hope you don't mind."

I jumped and turned towards the voice to see a bed perpendicular to my own, not parallel like in real life. A girl was sitting on the bed messing with something. I didn't know her. A voice in my head tried to tell me that it was my roommate, but I knew for a fact that it wasn't.

"Hope I don't mind what?"

She looked up and held up another snowman sculpture.

"I'm changing it into a lady snowman, hope you don't mind."

I was very confused and opened my mouth to reply when suddenly my eyes flew open.

The room looked exactly like my room, my roommate was sitting on her bed messing with her phone, my clock said 8:30 (much more reasonable) and there was sunlight coming through the closed blinds. I lay there for a bit hoping that I had actually woken up.

Then I wrote everything down and I'm still hoping that I'm awake.

I'm pretty sure I'm awake.

Pretty sure.

The thing is I keep looking at details and being like, 'see, I have memories of this, this is real' and then also remembering that I had the ability to have fake memories in my dreams that appear to be planted in my mind that make me think everything is real.

So I don't know. For all I know my brain wised up and has finally put enough detail and memories into my dreams for me to think I'm awake. Cause it was really trying to convince me I was really awake while I was trapped.

I'm going to go have an existential crisis now.