Living In Oblivion

41

Gazing deeper into the darkness, Avanti wondered if life could get any darker. Stopping at certain points in life and living in moments like these, the thought of giving up easily crossed her mind.

Moreover, what was she actually looking forward to in her life? More struggles, more bitter experiences, or maybe one more failed relationship?

Taking another puff of her cigarette, she smiled to herself, his words ringing loud in her ears.

"Or maybe just another guy whom you fucked up and walked over like a piece of dead meat."

She knew he didn't mean it, but nevertheless, he said it right to her face, his voice filled with hate and disgust, his eyes reddening in rage and distrust. The intensity with which he had said it, she didn't know how she didn't shake.

Leaning on the balcony, she stared down, her eyes following the fog, piercing deeper to find the ground. So many floors, she could easily jump and end it all. But she could also have done that on many occasions before.

But she didn't.

Because she wanted to survive. She wanted to follow that one ray of light that never faded.

Then why was that ray peeping so blurred today, throwing her into a pool of negativities where breathing felt tougher than losing?

Suddenly, as the cool breeze hit her bare arms, she was shaken out of her thoughts.

"What was she thinking? Giving up? Accepting her fate as to what destiny has planned for her? Wasn't she stronger than that?"

Throwing the cigarette into the dustbin, she picked up her shawl and went back to her room.

Morning came much warmer as Avanti sipped her tea, sitting on the balcony. The sun shone brightly, cutting through the fog for the day. Her mind raced with thoughts of what she wanted to accomplish that day. From applying to other companies to filing for a personal loan and buying groceries and personal items, she mentally listed everything.

Her attention was drawn as Divit knocked on the glass pane before entering. Setting the cup aside, she stood up, wishing him good morning.

"This is for you," his voice came more curt than he intended.

"What is this?" Taking the envelope, she tore it open and pulled out the appointment letter.

"You got selected."

Divit watched as her eyes widened in realization, but no happiness touched her heart. Breaking his gaze away, he handed her another envelope.

Her jaw dropped as she read the heading out loud.

Her eyes darted from the thin paper to him, trying desperately to find an ounce of imperfection. Why was he doing this for her? What kind of love was this - one that danced through his eyes and spoke volumes, but when he tried to express it in words, it died down to a deafening silence?

"How is this possible?" Her voice was low, trying to hide the surge of raw emotions that had formed in her throat.

"Your internship was left with only a few days. We... I mean... Vibhuti sir somehow managed it," he said, wanting to utter as few words as possible.

Before he could walk away, she spoke up, "Listen."

Divit stopped, looking at her.

"Thank you." Her voice was soft.

He shook his head, irritated and wanting to leave.

Before he could make a move, she held his wrist, stopping him. Stunned, he stood still, his heart beating loudly in his chest.