𝙱𝚇𝙱 𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚃𝚂 | 𝚆𝙷𝚈 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚆𝙴

not so secret anymore (jachary)

this is very unedited so good luck lol
warning(s): mentions of self harm, if you're sensitive please don't push yourself to read, ly

*jack pov*
"thank you boys for being here. that was why don't we everybody." we all smiled as the interview ended. zach immediately fell into my lap and shut his eyes. "baby we've gotta get back to the bus, c'mon love." he whimpered and shook his head. "ok fine i'll carry you." i stood up and held his body close to mine while i followed the other boys out of there. we reached the bus shortly after pushing through the big crowd of fans, all screaming and grabbing at us. zach had seemingly fallen asleep and all of the fans were taking pictures yelling how cute it is. we have been together for 2 years and we came out almost a year ago, but the fans still get very excited anytime they see us doing some cute couple shit. i carefully laid zach in his bunk and went to the small kitchen to grab a snack. i saw the other 3 watching a movie in the back room so i decided to go join them until zach woke up. "hey jack." "hey." i sat next to daniel and propped my feet on the other couch. "was it just me or did zach seem real quiet during the interview today?" i frowned at jonah's question, only because i had noticed as well. "yeah he did. and after he fell asleep on me really fast. maybe he's sick or something? he doesn't usually act like this." the others nodded and i decided i'd talk to him when he wakes up. the movie had almost finished when i felt my phone buzz in my back pocket. i pulled it out and saw a text from zach. that's weird he's like right next to me in his bunk. why didn't he just get up?

♾💍zachy bear🥺❤️
z: babe can you come here please
j: sure baby, you ok?
z: yeah can you just come here please?
j: i'm coming love

i got up and opened the curtain to zachs bunk. he waved lightly at me and grabbed my hand. "hey baby, we noticed you were quiet during the interview today and you fell asleep right after, are you feeling alright? are you coming down with a cold or does your tummy hurt?" he shook his head. "i'm fine, just kinda tired." "ok baby, just let me know if anything is wrong ok?" he nodded. "i will." "you want me to come in and cuddle or do you wanna go and we can lay in the back? me and the boys were watching a movie." "can we just cuddle here?" "yeah for sure baby. move your cute little ass over." he smiled and moved over, letting me slide in next to him. he dug his head into my side and let out a breath. i kissed his head and rubbed his back, in hopes he would fall asleep and get some rest. he doesn't get as much sleep as he needs and it worries me sometimes. not like i can change our schedule though. i wish i could but we're just so busy now it's really hard to keep up. and zach is younger than all of us, i can't even imagine how hard it is on him, mentally and physically. we all worry about zachs mental health a lot but he never opens up. he opens up to me but i feel like he's leaving something out, something important. we communicate well and i know a lot about him but i can't help feeling like he's hiding something from me. of course we all have bad days but he blows up on me a lot. more than normal. i wish the fans knew that we had problems and it's not all fun and rainbows. all they see is the good and they assume our lives are fantastic. i'm not saying we have a bad life, but i wish they knew we had problems too. it's hard having your life out there but not being allowed to talk about anything if it's not positive. i want them to understand that sometimes we need a day off, we can't do this 24/7. "hey jack?" "yeah bean?" "how's he doing?" "i don't know. he won't tell me anything. he says he's just tired but i don't believe him." "give him a few hours alright? we don't have anything today so our next event is tomorrow morning. he should be ok by then." i nodded and shut the curtain as corbyn walked away. i wish he would talk to me.

*zach pov*
oh god. he can't find out so quickly. i need to fix it first. i heard jack and corbyn talking and i'm scared. i don't want jack to know my secret. at least not right now. i need some time to fix it first. i hate myself for it and i regret it a lot. i know if jack finds out he'll be mad. i shouldn't have done it and i'm never gonna forgive myself if jack finds out. i know i know, i should've told him already, but i just can't. i can't break him like that. i feel bad enough already. last week we had one of the busiest days we've ever had and it was way too much. i needed jack but he was busy and i didn't know what to do. anxiety has always been a struggle for me, jack knows and that's why he is so protective of me. i wish he had been there that day when i really needed him. i needed some sort of relief so i did what i knew would help. i cut myself. not too bad, only about 10 or 15 on my left arm. i wish i hadn't. of course in that moment i felt so much better but now i feel awful. i'm afraid that it's gonna slip and i can't have that happen. the less i talk the better. "baby are you up?" "uh yeah i'm up." "get some rest sweetheart." i nodded and shut my eyes, letting jacks arms go around me again. i really need to fix this.