Living With The Psychopath (GL) [Completed] [Self-Published]

Episode 41

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains scene/s that may be upsetting, disturbing, and/or traumatic. Please be advised.

Episode 41:

Today's color is red...again.

— I. R.

__________

It was both guilt and anxiety. Naikuyom ko ang kamay sa dibdib nang makaramdam ng kakaibang kaba. I was feeling guilty and sad for letting her leave. I just thought that we both need time as I was having a hard time myself.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko masabi ang totoo. May parte sa loob ko na ayokong mag-alala si Echo, or ma-bothered siya. She may not admit it but she's that kind of person.

Pakiramdam ko lang ay masyado na niyang dinadala ang pasanin na dapat sa akin lang. I kept feeling guilty that she knew almost everything, that she's struggling to keep up with me. I was supposed to make her happy, but I kept on making her worry.

Ang selfish ko pero hindi ko mapigilan. Ayoko siyang mawala, ayoko ring nasa iba ang atensyon niya. Sa lahat ng nalaman niya, ayokong iwasan niya ako. This was nowhere healthy but she's the only one who keeps me intact with reality.

But there's this much more overwhelming feeling I was having right now. Suddenly, my heart clenched with an unbelievable fear, travelling through my veins. Pakiramdam ko ay may nangyaring hindi maganda. Hindi ko mapigilang isipin ang nararamdaman niya o kung ayos lang ba siya.

I bit my lower lip and released a deep sigh. Sa hindi malamang dahilan ay biglang bumalik sa alaala ko ang pamilya ko—yung madugong pangyayaring iyon. Napalunok ako, parang umaangat yata ang kinain ko. Hindi ko na 'to kayang tiisin. I need to see her.

Hindi maganda itong nararamdaman ko. I hate this feeling. I felt this before.

Maybe I have to tell her everything after all. I gave her that right. Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng pagsisisi. Kung hindi ako umalis hindi sana aabot ng ganito katagal na hindi kami ayos. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko.

I stood up from where I was sitting at mabilis na naglakad. Ang daming estudyanteng lumilingon sa akin pero ni isa ay hindi ko binibigyan ng atensyon. Some even tried to greet me but I ignored them. Hindi ko alam kung anong deal nila ngayon.

I tried finding Echo on places na posible niyang puntahan. May kainitan ang panahon ngayon kaya mabilis din akong pinagpawisan na hindi ko naman iniintindi. Halos lahat na ng parte ng eskuwelahan ay nilibot ko na pero walang bakas niya. Lalong tumitindi ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

Hindi ko gusto itong takot na kumakain sa akin. I may looked calm on the outside but my inner thoughts were in chaos.

Did she go home? That's possible. I doubt she told her friend where she went to. Echo's quite secretive in her own way.

Naglakad ako palabas ng university. Maigi na ring dala ko lagi ang bag. Habang naglalakad ay hindi sinasadyang narinig ko ang usapan ng ilang students na nakatambay sa gilid. Lalo akong nakaramdam ng kakaiba matapos nilang banggitin ang pangalan ni Echo at...Kenneth.

I didn't bother to ask them at nagmamadaling naglakad. Hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng kakaibang galit. What I heard was definitely not a good news.

May posibilidad na nagtagpo sila nang hindi sinasadya. I don't want to think about it but Kenneth's a dangerous guy. Regret washed over me, I should've just set aside my hesitations. Dapat hindi ko hinayaang umalis siya. Where's my fucking mind? Dapat inuna ko siya.