Interrupted Fate

Chapter 30: Picking up the Pieces

This chapter goes out to my cousin aquarius2273 your dad will be deeply missed we all loved him so much!

Alone...

Loneliness...

Sadness?

All three things I think I'm feeling but am I really? I've let myself spiral down and out... wonderful just wonderful. Maddox being here opened my eyes. My apartment is trashed the drinking has gotten worse. I'm glad I'm smart enough to not drink during the week.

At least I have my job that's always good.

I guess...

Wiping my hands down my face as the hot water warms my body and fogs the bathroom I stand silently. Fuck... it's time to pick up my pieces. I don't need a man to be there in order to be happy. I can find happiness on my own.

Everything changes now...

As the week goes on I slowly begin to pick myself up. And what I mean by that is my trash life style I decided to give myself just because some man didn't want me.

Pathetic.

I'm pathetic. Oh well not anymore I'm not. I started with cleaning my apartment and damn did I hate myself even more. You know how much fucking laundry I had to do! Shake my fucking head. I swear the neighbors thought I must have thrown a party or something with how many trips to the dumpster I was taking.

A little girl even sided eyed me in the elevators while carrying two bags of trash full of bottles. I hate myself did I stress that enough? Maddox has tried to call me and text me but I've put that man through enough. Wether it be from our youth or now. I just seem to drag people into drama. I miss Grayson like crazy I wish he would at least try to talk to me. We could talk things out.

I realize now we will never be more then friends but I do miss him a lot. He's been the only person constantly there in my life. My brothers and I don't really speak to they have their lives and I have mine. I'm not going to burden them with my shit never have never will really. I miss them but Im an adult now plus we still never got as close as we once were before our father passed away.

With the apartment, my clothes clean and my life some what back on track I take in a deep breath flopping backwards onto my bed. Fuck it is so soft.

Quiet... its so quiet.

Something I'll have to get used to i guess. And that's exactly what I did. I got used to the quiet yet deadly storm I was so afraid of for so long. I never liked the loneliness that came hand in hand with quiet but as time went on I began to enjoy it.

I would text Maddox here and there but always keeping him an arms length away never giving too much detail or attention to our conversations. In the corse of 3 weeks since we've started some what talking he's visited maybe just twice. Pretty much to make sure I didn't fall back into that dark abyss.

I also got a job closer to home so I just tend to walk there when it's not too cold. That Denver wether am I right. It's shitty sometimes but I love this city, hell I love the state. As I scroll through my phone I can't help but be bored out of my mind. A lot has been going on at work and they're doing an investigation on one of the girls at work.

For what I'm not sure entirely. All I know is it must have done something with this convention we all went to. Oh well I don't understand why they would have drinking in a dental convention anyways knowing well enough we would all drink some more then other but what can I do. I know I didn't do shit.

Throwing my phone down on to the couch next me I get up and make my way to the kitchen opening and shutting the fridge door. Hoping something appetizing would appear. With no such luck I throw on my slippers from what Maddox calls them when really they're my vans just the ones with out laces.

Left hand in my pocket I mess with my keys walking into the elevator that has a few other residents. All of us just keep quiet no one saying a word. The little girl that clings to her mother from what I guess peaks at me from behind her leg. The girl is short and has deep, red luscious hair, that's styled into two pigtail braids. That fall down her front almost half of her body length.

The girls eyes a beautiful oceanic blue. A blue I've only seen once and those eyes belong to my older brother. Her round pudgy face it's littered with freckles like mine making me smile.

She smiles back peaking around her mother leg just a tad more now. Her smile causing her eyes to squint. A beautiful child. Will I have kids one day? I'm not sure hopefully some day I never really thought about kids but this little girl made me think of something entirely new. Then it sets in.

The loneliness. How would I have a kid if I can't even keep a man? Is it me? Probably...

I'm the problem I cannot out run.

Running is all I seem to do anyways.

What the hell am I doing in my life. As the elevator dings and the mother and daughter exit in their desired floor I'm left alone. Always alone.

Placing my right hand in my other pocket clenched as I walk off the elevator myself and into the lobby. I hate this place.

The city I mean. Love it but hate it. Walking the streets all my eyes seem to focus on are the couples.

Ugh...

Love is a disgusting thing. Very much so. I want it but I don't. Shaking my head I begin to speed walk further down completely ignoring the fact that I was about to cross a busy street.

Car horns and shouting get my attention turning back to see what the commotion is when everything goes dark...

In loving memory to an amazing person that I loved very much and will miss very deeply he's forever in our hearts and so are you and your family aquarius2273