Til Debt Do Us Part

034

Jungkook had brought me to the convenience store nearby where he bought some tissues and water. I continued crying there, emptying one box of tissue after another. It had been an hour when I had calmed down enough to talk.

"You look so swollen," Jungkook remarked.

"The last thing that a broken-hearted person would care for is her looks," I retorted.

Jungkook beamed, "Did you cry this hard when we broke up too?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Are you at a competition with Jimin now of who brought me more tears?"

"That's not really a good competition to win at," Jungkook replied.

"But if it was a competition, you'd win," I answered.

He shook his head with a bitter smile, "For you to opt to pretend, you might still be angry at me."

I sighed, "I was. I still felt betrayed you know. We spent so many years together yet you unloved me so suddenly."

This guy. Making me reminisce with the pain I dealt with him while I am undergoing another heartbreak. But I took that opportunity, to share the conversation I have always wanted to have with Jungkook – to tie some loose ends.

I released a slow breath as I honestly stated, "You made me feel so unwanted. For days, no, for months, I kept thinking what was wrong with me – what made you give up on what we had. Then, I felt like I would never be enough to be loved."

"That's not true, Dahyun," Jungkook immediately replied, "You are more than enough. You deserve to love and to be loved."

I looked at him intently, with glistening tears in my eyes as I asked the question that have been running in my mind for years, "Then why did you leave me?"

Jungkook smiled bitterly – his whole countenance was screaming an apology.

He sighed before he started, "I found out about that time you turned away an opportunity to study Masters abroad and I knew that it was because you wanted to stay with me."

"Did Sooyoung tell you?" I asked.

"No. I just saw the papers at the apartment," Jungkook replied, "Then, it was me who was given the opportunity to grow and I wanted to take it."

"You were offered Australia even when we were dating?" I asked and he nodded. Then I said, "We could've survived the long-distance relationship."

"If you trusted that idea, then why did you turn away the Masters opportunity?" he asked back and I couldn't answer, guilty enough of my own accusation.

"You exchanged me for your dreams," I whispered, "Instead of dreaming a future with me."

"Dahyun, we were too engrossed with each other," Jungkook explained, "We were holding on into the idea of 'us' that we have lost the concept of 'you' and 'me.' Suddenly, it seems like there's no more Jungkook if there is no Dahyun, and there's no more Dahyun if there is no Jungkook. We were holding each other too much to the point that we were hindering each other's growth. We were no longer each other's inspiration to dream but each other's reason to give up on our dreams."

We let seconds of silence pass by before I spoke up, "We were becoming unhealthy."

"But the rest is my fault, really," Jungkook added, "I should've addressed the issue with you but then I chose to leave. I chose to end it instead of fixing it."

"It's good that you know," I mumbled.

"And I'm sorry for that," Jungkook said, "I'm sorry for ending something so wonderful."