Christian Turners' Upward Fall (BXB)

Agape

A/N: Hello everyone! Welcome to my story I really hope you enjoy it, this is a quick heads-up that this story is boyxboy meaning there will be a relationship and/or sexual scenes that involve two males. If this genuinely bothers you I advise not to read this story.
Like I just mentioned before this story will in fact contain some inappropriate scenes between certain characters involving sexual acts soooooo I don't advise anybody super young to read this 🤷‍♀️ I'd say maybe 15+ or 14+.

PLEASE make sure to read the trigger warning in the description of this book! Also if any of you are struggling or need someone to talk to I am more than willing to chat with you and help in any way I can, just message me. I'm offering to give advice or be a silent listener for those struggling because this book contains some sensitive content that others can relate to.

Also if you have any constructive criticism please message me about it! I'm here to learn and write a story that I enjoy writing so I could use all the tips I can get!

Please enjoy!

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Claire Kirkwood shot me a few warning glares as I cooked steak, me clearly ignoring her. I could feel her irritation from her spot on the couch. Next thing I know shes letting out annoying and obviously loud sighs as her eyes pierced the side of my head. I did my best to ignore her intent stares but eventually I started to sweat from the pressure.

"So you're really going to ignore me?" her voice held venom as her eyebrows raised in expectation. "I'm hungry" I mumbled back to her. Her immediate reaction was to roll her eyes and pout, crossing her arms in silent retaliation.

"I'm here at you're apartment offering you sex and you tell me you're hungry for actual food instead" her words seemed so angry I was a little shocked she was so upset over something as simple as me not being "in the mood".

Claire had been my girlfriend now for two years, which honestly to me felt really fucking long. Sure she was great but I hadn't even told her I loved her while she happily told me she loved me practically everytime we even made eye contact.

Claire was kind though. She never expected me to tell her I love her, she knows it's difficult for me. Although, the fact she was so gentle with me at times made me feel a deep form of shame I could never shake off, especially in her presence.

Love was complex in my opinion, the so called "love" between Claire and I bordered more on infatuation. She was gorgous, and I was attractive so naturally our so called attraction started on the more sexual side of things. Claire had large brown eyes that made her seem unbelievebly innocent, her friends going so far as to call her Bambi. Although after knowing her so well like I did it was hard to see someone as hypersexual as her as particularly innocent.

"You look like you're overthinking shit again" her voice took me out of my daze for me to find my steak burned and absolutely unedible. I mumbled a quiet "fuck me" before grabbing the food I was preparing and tossing it in the sink, only to result in a loud sound of metal on metal. I shamelessly made my way to Claire and buried my face in the crook of her neck as she embraced me.

"So now you want to have sex with me, how convienant for you"

I just rolled my eyes in response. A small smile made its way to her lips and she happily obliged.

--

Claire snored softly next to me, her body entagled with mine. I reached up to push the hair out of her face and behind her ear. "You stay" I ordered softly as I untangled myself from her and left the bed as silently as I could manage making my way out of the room to my living room.

Having sex with Claire was something that eased my mind so easily, or I guess having sex in general. These were the times when I actually felt grateful to be living on my own as a senior, there were no parents to get mad at the sounds of our moaning. It's just us all alone, surrounded by pain-numbing bliss.

I moved into this apartment in the summer before my sophomore year following the incident with my brother. I was living with my parents in New jersey, and though I loved my previous school and friends I couldn't stand to be in that house with those people. With the help of my elder brother Cane who currently lives in Washington he sent me to New York City and set me up with an apartment of my own.

At first I hated it with a fiery passion. Most of the neighbors were fucking stupid and batshit crazy, but now I realize those attributes only made them more fun to be around. Of course I didn't exactly have the money I needed to pay rent all on my own, Cane paid the rent while I worked and paid for other things like gas,insurance,food, electricity and other hosuehold necessities.

Having an apartment also was a blessing especially with the friends I had. My friends would use my apartment as their go-to place to take their one night stands, I didn't exactly mind it to much becuase I had a guest room for them to occupy rather than bothering me in my room.

I felt guilty though for every day that I lived here, Cane was my only sibling I didn't really talk to despite him paying for my monthly rent. He was 22 and of course felt the need to "care" for his dear younger brother. I think he believes he owes it to me or something. After Corey,my twin brother, died the beginning of the summer before sophomore year Cane took special interest in caring for my needs. As if he were trying to right a wrong. It wasn't that easy though, he would apologize to me quite frequently trying to make up for being an absolute bastard to Corey most of his life. I never verbally accepted his apologies, I just couldn't find the ability to be forgiving inside of me, Corey was depressed and to top it off Cane was an ass, their relationship was doomed from the start at least in my opinion.

I heard soft shuffling from my bedroom and a door shutting, I assumed it was Claire going to the bathroom to either to take a piss or shower away the sweat. I ignored her and let my eyes close. I let the world stop around me, as if time froze I just sat there on my couch with a feeling of peace surrounding me. This peaceful feeling enveloped me and I couldn't stop from letting myself smile, even if just a little.

My relationship with Claire was simple and never at all confusing. When I thought of our "love" the first word that made it's way to my mind was eros. The Greeks have 7 diffirent words to describe different forms of love, eros being one of them. Eros described a love built off of sexual desire and attraction, a love filled with lust and phsycial pleasure. I believe eros described what Claire and I have. Our relationship was centered on our physcial attraction to one another, of course we were close mentally but that wasn't something that was prominent in the bond we shared. Personally I was fine with an eros type of love, it didn't bother me nor did it bother Claire.

I let the silence the apartment held give my thoughts power to change and morph, god how I hated silence. It engrossed and drowned out feelings of happiness only to replace them with thoughts I never wanted to have in the first place.

I found myself starting to feel as if my chest was tightening, my eyes watered as I thought about the relationship I was "fine" with.

Agape.

It was another Greek word for a type of love. Agape is a love described as unconditional.

I couldn't help but think about agape. Something unconditional. That was the type of love I had for Corey. Or at least I thought I did. A love that would overcome everything. I don't think I'm truly capable of having a love like agape. Now when I think about it, my love for Corey was not unconditional. Corey was gay and bullied a lot, and I was to scared to honestly intervene, or even be a decent brother.

Agape.

I don't think it will ever be in the cards for me.