Christian Turners' Upward Fall (BXB)

Can You See My Smile?

Around 2 and 1/2 years ago

Corey paced the room nervously as dad made a mess of the downstairs living room. Corey was hiding in my room as dad screamed at our mother. His frame was shaking uncontrollably with fear, I had never seen him so scared since the time he came into my room after the incident.

"Corey calm down. Mom will protect you" I tell him softly. He swivels on his heels to look at me. His eyes narrow as he glares straight at me.

"No she won't. That man is insufferable. I'm gay and they know and now my life is over" he snaps at me.

I don't know what to say, truly. Our mom found out about Corey being gay because she heard it from some stupid gossip. I guess the fact that Corey is gay is a popular discussion for moms to take part in for Sunday tea. The mothers and fathers that attended our church must have heard about it from their children at the school. Corey was outed against his will after all.

"You could deny it" I tell him. It's as if my words were the match to light him ablaze. Immediately he broke down and crumbled to the floor. Every part of him limp as he sobbed into the carpet.

I was at his side in an instant. I pulled him close to me and laid his head in my lap.

"Shh you're okay" I whisper softly. He just shakes his head as his breathing becomes more labored.

"How can I deny who I am? Why does God hate me so much for loving men? I've been good. All my life I have been so good. And this is what I get?" He sounds so broken yet incredibly bitter.

My hands comb his hair softly as he weeps. There isn't anything I can truly do for him. Dad is furious to have one of his sons be anything less than a man. But does loving men actually make Corey less of a man? I just couldn't believe that's true. I won't.

"I love you" I whisper to him. The weakest of smiles cracks upon his chapped lips.

"When I die I want to be buried in the church cemetery. And also...I'd like it if you would be buried next to me when you die" he mutters through his cries.

"Why are you telling me this now" I ask him. He shrugs effortlessly.

"Maybe dad will kill me" Corey whispers. I looked at him completely shocked.

"He would never" I assured quickly but he just scoffed in return.

"Just promise me okay? That you'll rot next to me one day?" He says finally looking up at me. I can't help but laugh at his phrasing.

"What a jolly way of putting things" I tell him sarcastically. He just grins, a genuine look of joy on his face. I missed this look.

Ever since Corey was raped he lost his smile. He was raped around the beginning of May. It was now June. It had been only a month so I'm not surprised he's like this, but it still hurts to see him like this. He doesn't really go out anymore.

Kids in his classes bully him, but I'm never around. And I'm currently suspended from throwing a few punches at his abusers. He got so mad at me for that but I could tell he was secretly overjoyed that I had defended him.

Corey spent the night in my bed holding me as tightly as he could. He woke up a few times due to nightmares but that was all. Dad never made an appearance after hearing the news.

The next morning dad punched him. Multiple times.

Corey spent 4 days in the hospital.

That day I became Coreys best friend, his protecter, his therapist, his only family, as well as his father.

Present