Christian Turners' Upward Fall (BXB)

Exhilarating

Sister Enid sent me off with a warm batch of fresh homemade cookies. They smelled amazing and it reminded me of Samuel immediately. I thought of his soft features and his soft skin peppered with barely there freckles. I thought of his eyes and how his gaze warmed my skin.

Sister Enid told me to "keep my head up" I didn't exactly know what that's supposed to mean but I thanked her. I could only assume the Prior mentioned what Claire did when they had passed each other in the halls of the Priory.

The sun shined down on me as I passed several hot dog stands on my way to my car. After the constant yelling and advertising coming from the hot dog stands my resolve was broken and I finally bought one. It would be a good lunch.

Thoughts of Samuel and Claire would not stop. I couldn't stop the feelings of insecurity whenever Claire would find her way into my thoughts. And I couldn't stop the guilt whenever Samuel did the same. God I was messed up. I needed to figure out what the fuck I'm feeling.

I'm attracted to Samuel. But I can't help but suspect that it's only a physical attraction and nothing more. I loved Claire-no, I love Claire. But she hurt me.

Was I supposed to forgive and forget? But the thing is I would never forget it.

I already know inside my heart that every time I see her I will be reminded that for a moment, I wasn't good enough for her. That would be a wound that would never leave me.

I wouldn't forget the pain I felt when the words "I cheated" left her mouth.

I missed her company. I didn't miss holding hands, or our feverish kisses. I don't miss the passionate sex and innuendoes. I just miss her. I miss her jokes and the way she insulted others without ever really intending to be rude. I missed the way she told me churches were places for "bad people to go" and how she believed that everything happened for a reason. I wanted to be surrounded by Claire's harmonic laughter.

I wanted Claire to be with me, but right in this moment I didn't want her to be with me as my girlfriend, but as one of my best friends I can rely on for anything.

I miss our friendship, perhaps more than I miss our relationship.

—

It was 7 pm and I was already mildly drunk. I went to Jackson's house for a party, I was meant to come help set everything up before it started but I ended up sipping beers while the rest of the football team worked on preparing the kegs and such things.

Due to my lack of helpfulness or effort the football team started to refer to me as their "queen" the rest of the night. Gosh this sucked. They are always so pretentious. I guess I didn't fully mind, it was almost refreshing with how the football team treated me like one of their own. I felt so included when I was with them.

Axel made his way over to me. I was lazily sitting on the counter sipping beer out of a bottle. He shot me an exhausted grin.

"I just hauled god knows how many kegs from Lances truck. Those things are ducking heavy" he says.

"Did you just replace the word "fucking" with the word "ducking"? I asked him, I couldn't keep myself from laughing when he pouted and nodded as he heated up in embarrassment. Axel has always been one to avoid cussing, he also never drank alcohol or had one night stands. He was an obedient little mamas boy. Not that it's a bad thing.

"Make sure Jackson doesn't get shit-faced drunk" I warn him. He looks at me skeptically.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be making sure that you don't get shit-faced drunk?" He asks laughing.

"I've already started down the path of drinking myself into oblivion. Nothing can stop me now" I say rolling my eyes. He just laughs and agrees with me.

He seems lost in thought for a moment.

"Is there a reason you want to get shit-faced? Is something wrong?" He seemed so sincere but it was hard to take him seriously with the buzz coursing through my veins.

I just snort and respond with a simple "I'm all good man". He doesn't seem convinced at all but doesn't push it. He keeps his mouth shut and pats my back in a "bro" kind of way, if that even makes sense.

In a few hours the party was already underway. I couldn't help but wonder if Claire would be here as well. I found myself searching for her in the crowd. I wasn't ready to face her yet. I was ashamed to say I was still bitter and upset.

Jackson was completely out of it within 2 hours. He drank every possible drink that was handed to him, and to be honest so did I. Though I didn't get as many guys begging me to drink like he did.

I was most definitely drunk. The room was leaning certain ways and a deep fog settled over my thoughts.

It was so ducking hard to think.

Wow I kinda sounded like Axel just now.

I burst into a fit of giggles at the thought. To think me a complete sinner could ever be as pure as that teddy bear himself.

I made myself to the less crowded hallway and leaned my back against the wall. I was getting sweaty and horny from all the shit going on in the dance floor.

"You're Christian Turner right?" A male voice spoke from beside me. I turned towards him in surprise. He looked about my age. He had dark brown hair and a shade of blue eyes I had never seen before. His eyes were like a dark blue, almost like royal blue. I had only ever seen blue eyes that resembled crystal or a baby blue sky. He was most definitely lucky to be blessed with a pair of eyes like those ones.

"Yup. That's me" I answered. He nodded thoughtfully.

"You're a senior right? We go to the same school" he said. I didn't answer his question because as he went on I realized it was rhetorical. Based on his looks I would guess he was most likely a junior, he looked a tad bit younger than me. Though I don't think he looked young enough to be a freshman, perhaps a sophomore at the lowest. I was about to ask him how old he was when he suddenly became very close.

He stepped close to my body. He stood in front of me so his face was close to mine. He was slightly shorter causing him to gaze up at me through his incredibly long eyelashes. Man his eyelashes were long.

I felt the heat radiating off his body and my attention was brought to the fact that his crotch area was tantalizingly close to pressing against mine. My stupid teen boy hormones got the best of me and I found myself getting turned on.

This was the first time another guy has gotten me turned on who wasn't Samuel. My cheeks flushed immediately at the thought.

"Blushing already? We haven't even done anything yet" he teased.

Yet. He said yet. So he was insinuating we were going to do something. All thoughts left my mind as I looked at his body. He had a nice body that was for sure.

His hand made its way to my bicep and my skin burned at the contact.

"My name is Noah, in case you needed something to moan when we hook up" he says, lust pooling in his dark eyes.

Holy fuck. Jesus Christ take the wheel I'm having a heart attack.

Who knew guys were so fucking attractive. His words sent shots of excitement down under.

"Want to find a room?" He asked coyly. I just dumbly nodded.

"It doesn't seem like you have experience with guys before. Do you want to top?" He asked me looked back as he lead me up the stairs by my hand. I just nodded not really comprehending what he was saying.

"Okay cool" was all he said.

For a moment I thought about Claire. I felt guilty at first. Then I began to think about her having sex with someone else. I imagined her moaning someone else's name rather than my own.

Then suddenly the guilt was gone.

That night I had sex with a guy for the very first time. And if I'm being honest, I'd have to say it was exhilarating.