Christian Turners' Upward Fall (BXB)

This Incredible Calm

Claire was hesitant to leave me on my own after we had gotten home. I told her I would be fine on my own but she grew exceedingly anxious that something bad would happen. Eventually though, I was able to convince her I was mature enough to look after myself. When I told her that she only laughed in response.

The darkness of the apartment started to affect me around 10 pm. I was lying on my couch watching the news when my head started to ache and my eyes burned. I knew I was on the verge of crying when I had to sit up and put my head in my hands to compose myself.

Before I could stop myself I began to cry. Today had been emotional and exhausting, I guess it had affected me more than I originally thought. I felt disgusted with myself as I cried. I kept thinking of my dad as I felt my emotions get the best of me.

I decided to go to sleep early, although unfortunately sleep never graced me with its presence.

—

The first thing I did when the sun finally kissed my apartment was take my pill. I felt a feeling of intense relief wash over me at the simple action. Actually in fact the action wasn't simple at all. Taking my pill symbolized growth, or at least I hope it did. Maybe it shows I matured.

I took a shower and got ready. This was the first time in a while when I had rushed to get ready without the looming pressure of school. It was Sunday so I didn't really have anywhere to be. I had work at 1:00 but for now I already knew exactly where I wanted to go.

I found the growing urge to stop by Morning Treats. I couldn't figure out if it was for the food or if it was because of a certain green-eyed boy. I hoped it was the first one but I had the uncanny thought that it was most likely the latter.

Jerry Cougar, once again, was smoking a blunt in the hall. The second we made eye contact I rolled my eyes and he let out a howl of laughter. To my surprise he put out his blunt just a moment later. Thank god.

My car as usual was freezing and the traffic as usual was awful. Everything seemed normal yet at the same time awfully alien. Despite my pathetic mental breakdown yesterday the world still kept going on without me. Time didn't stand still. Time just kept going. It felt odd to face this day with a forced smile on my face when just yesterday life had attacked me so gruesomely.

I parked my car and stared at Morning Treats for a few minutes. I didn't realize that Samuel might not actually be working today. I felt stupid as I sat in my car. If I walked in and Samuel wasn't working I had no doubt I wouldn't hesitate to turn around and leave.

My face heated up in embarrassment as I realized I was acting like a love struck teen girl who had a PHD in stalking.

I gathered a small shred of courage and made my way to the front of the building. I did my best not to peer inside to see if Samuel was in there.

The door opened and a small bell rang which notified everyone inside another customer had entered. To my absolute relief Samuel was at the register. He looked confused for a moment but smiled at me nonetheless. I couldn't help but notice how perfectly white his teeth are.

"Two days in a row?" He asked as I approached the register. I just shrugged.

"I like the food" I told him casually. He just smiled and nodded.

"What would you like?" He asked. "Well what would you recommend?" I said answering his question with a question. He laughed and hummed to himself as he thought it over.

"Some lemon meringue is ready?" He suggested. I just nodded despite me having no clue what the hell it was. He rang up my order and I paid.

"It'll be out in a moment, I'll drop it off at your table" he told me as he handed me my change. His fingers lightly brushed my palm as he did so.

I turned and found a table that was lit up by the sun. I pulled out my phone and set it down. I had originally pulled it out so I could scroll through Instagram but I found my eyes drifting to Samuel as I watched him work. He wore an apron that was smeared with flour. A little flour was smeared on his cheek as well, it was cute.

He made his way over to my table with a slice of what I assumed was the lemon meringue. Rather than simply just placing it down he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down as well.

I shot him a confused look and he chuckled lightly.

"It's my break, I thought I'd spent it with you if you don't mind" he said as he pushed the lemon meringue over to me. I glanced at it briefly.

"Yeah it's fine, besides I have to admit you're good company" I told while shooting him a lopsided grin.

His eyes seemed to sparkle in excitement as the sun pulled into his green eyes. As the sun hit his face just right I noticed he had more freckles than I had originally realized.

We made small talk as I ate the lemon meringue, which I realized was in fact a pie.

"You seem down" he said, I was surprised it took him this long to comment on my awful appearance. I knew I had awful bags under my eyes and I was probably sickly pale.

"Got no sleep last night" I said shrugging my shoulders. I did my best to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, but it was a big deal. My night had been horrible and on the verge of torturous.

"I'm not surprised it seemed like you had a lot on your mind yesterday" he told me. I tensed immediately.

"How did you even notice that?" I asked him, my voice sounded more vulnerable and softer than usual. Pathetic.

Although he only smiled in response and shrugged. I felt naked in front of him. It felt like he could see behind my exterior and that feeling was awful. I felt incredibly weak and it wasn't a lovely at all.

"My day really sucked yesterday as well, although it started to look up after you and Claire stopped by" he told while a soft smile painted his lips. He wasn't judging me. He was connecting with me, he was sympathizing in a way that lacked the awful pity I was so accustomed to.

I felt no anxiety. I felt no shame or guilt. I just felt this incredible calm wash over me. At first I thought it was the building and it's welcoming atmosphere but as Samuel continued to talk to me and smile whenever we made eye contact I realized it wasn't the building.

It was Samuel that made me feel this incredible calm. It was Samuel.